Hello readers. It is strange to think that people really read these. But people seem to like them so I guess I will write more. If people did not like them I would stop. Anyway, this time I talked to our Professor of Muggle Studies, Vanya Hellstar. It is a strange name, and I forgot to ask him how he got the name Hellstar and why he would be named for for a star in Hell. Maybe he is sensitive about it anyway, so maybe it is a good thing I did not ask. Like Flutterby being raised by wolves. People can be sensitive about things like that. Anyway, Professor Hellstar was coughing when he met me in the library, but I did not ask him if he was sick or if he would die because sometimes people are sensitive about things like that. Like Flutterby being raised by wolves.
But I did ask:
Are you okay?
He said he is okay, and not to worry. So of course I think maybe we need to worry about him. Maybe he will die soon.
What is your first name?
He says it is Vanya, which kind of sounds like a girl’s name, but I did not ask him about that because sometimes people are sensitive about things like that. Like Flutterby being raised by wolves. But he said it means God is gracious. I do not know if that is what it means because that is a lot of stuff in just two syllables. But it did not sound like an English name, so I asked him:
Are you not English?
Professor Hellstar was Russian, except that he says he was born in Poland, and Russians do not come from Poland. Polish people do. But he says he is Russian, not Polish, except that he was put in a children’s home but he had a fancy name for it. Something like oafanage. A place for oafs maybe? I do not know. Sometimes I think English is a strange language. But he said that it was like a children’s prison, which sounds very bad of course except that he also said it is very fancy. I do not think prisons are fancy. Children’s homes are not fancy. They have blue walls and mean kids and big rooms with lots of beds. But he said that his parents were Russian even though he was in Poland.
Did you grow up in Russia?
After he was adopted, he was taken to the UK. But he was born in Poland. To Russian people. And then adopted by British people. I think. It was all a little confusing. He said he did not know he was Russian until later. Later than what I do not know.
Where in the UK did you grow up?
He grew up in Scotland somewhere. It was a town called Muscleburg. It is a small magical town. He says the parents who adopted him are purebloods. But he is not a pureblood, he is a half-blood, but he grew up thinking he was a pureblood because his parents raised him to be a pureblood.
What was that like?
He said that they were all well, but that his brother did not have magic and was cursed, but that is very normal because they had a normal life. They played in fields and forts and chased animals. I did not ask him about his brother, though, because some people are sensitive about things like that. Like Flutterby being raised by wolves.
What do you like about Muggle Studies? Why teach that?
It is not what he wanted to do at first. But he was pretending to be a pureblood, and he helped Muggle-born witches and wizards. Anyway, because he was pretending, he decided to study Muggles and teach magical kids about them. He says Muggles should be respected as much as anyone.
Have you been at Hogwarts a very long time?
Professor Hellstar has been at Hogwarts for three years. He was a librarian at first, and now this is his second year teaching Muggle Studies. He says he gets lots of rewards for it. Others say that too, but I do not understand what kinds of rewards they get. Maybe they get trophies. But I did not remember to ask him. Maybe I will ask the next Professor.
Why did you stop being the librarian?
He wanted to be the Muggle Studies Professor. But someone here was already the Muggle Studies Professor. But then he said he waited for them to ‘move on,’ and I think that means ‘die’ in the way English say things? So maybe got rid of the old one? Anyway, he waited for the last Muggle Studies Professor to die or move or something, and they did, so now he is the Muggle Studies Professor. I hope he did not kill anyone. I did not ask him about that, because some people are sensitive about questions like that. Like Flutterby being raised by wolves.
What is your favorite candy?
He like a thing called a war head. He says that people spit them out because they are sour, and that Muggles keep them in their mouths until they cry. I do not know if the war heads cry, or if the Muggles do. I asked him what a war head is, and it is not the head of a warrior, because it would be very hard to put someone’s whole head in your mouth. Instead, it is much worse. A war head is a deadly weapon that kills many people. He said it goes bang in your mouth. So I do not know why he wants to put one in his mouth. I would not want something deadly that goes bang in my mouth because I think if it went bang and is deadly that I would die. Professor Hellstar is a very strange man. Maybe he is already dead, but he is not a ghost so I do not know.
Where were you before you came to Hogwarts as a librarian?
He traveled a lot. He worked for the Ministry, and he worked in the Muggle world too. He cured museums. Maybe Muggle museums get sick. I do not know why a museum needs a curer. I would not think it could get sick. Or maybe I did not hear Professor Hellstar right. He uses big English words, and sometimes it is hard to follow it all.
What did you do for the Ministry?
He was part of a place that misused Muggle things. He said that he made sure that magical things did not fall through Muggle hands. So maybe he gave Muggles magical things? Except that that does not sound right. And he made sure things would not get charmed unless they really needed it.
What is your favorite color?
He said that because he was a Ravenclaw, he likes blue. But he also likes green, and he was not a Slytherin. Because you can only have one house. Having two houses would be very confusing, I think. You would never know who to cheer for at Quidditch.
What do you like most about Hogwarts?
The castle, he said. It has a lot of history and a lot of secrets.
What do you think about detentions? Do you give a lot of detentions?
He does not like to give detentions unless he needs to. Then I suppose he likes giving them. And he says that if he gives you detention, you need to learn to be better at whatever it was you were doing so you do not get caught next time. At least, it sounded like that is what he meant.
Do you have anything you want to say to the students of Hogwarts?
He wants all the kids to learn their lessons here, and not be doing them after they leave Hogwarts because that would be embarrassing. I suppose it would be embarrassing to try to give someone at the Ministry some homework from Hogwarts. So try to do all your homework before you leave school after Seventh Year. Because otherwise it would be embarrassing. And he wants to everyone to be serious about his class. He wants to have us fight tigers in his class soon so we are more serious about it.
Do you have a pet?
He has three. A pet rock, a firbie and his owl who is very old and lazy.
How can a rock be a pet?
He says he put someone’s eyes on it and a mouth, which sounds very scary. But he said he sometimes loses the rock with other rocks. This is very strange to me because if you put someone’s eyes on the rock, it should be obvious. After all, it will have eyes.
What is a Firbie?
A Firbie is a piece of dark magic that has trapped a soul in a toy and talks a lot. It learns what you say and says it to you. He says Muggles have these things, but that is very strange to me because Muggles are not supposed to have Dark Magic things. He said that Muggles think they are weird too.
Can I take a picture of you?
He said yes so I took a picture and here it is. But I noticed that he had big marks on his face. I looked up the word in my Englsh-Welsh dictionary and they are scars. Like Lottie has. Except that they are not like Lottie’s scars. So I asked him:
How did you get the big marks on your face?
He said a Sphinx did it to him when he was in Egypt because he lost a game and he said the Sphinx cheated him. So I suppose the Sphinx did not like that. I think they take games very seriously. But I think he is lucky to be alive if he did not win the Sphinx Game. I wonder if he was with friends and the friends died in the Sphinx Game. But I did not ask him because some people are very sensitive about things like the Sphinx Game. Like Flutterby being raised by wolves.
So that is Professor Hellstar. He was a curer of Muggle museums, but then came to Hogwarts as the librarian as he waited for the other Professor of Muggle Studies to die or go or something. And once that person died or left, he became Professor of Muggle studies, which he likes because he pretended to be a pureblood for a long time, but then he found out he is Russian but was born in Poland but he has been living in Scotland for a very long time. He is very very old, but he likes very dangerous sweets that maybe make you explode and he lost the Sphinx Game but did not die because he is very lucky and only got scars out of it. He has some pets, like a rock with someone’s eyes on it and a dead Dark Magic thing that has trapped someone’s soul so it can talk. He has a first name that sounds like a girl’s name, but don’t say anything about that to him because he may be very sensitive about things like that. So do not ask him about that, just like we do not ask Flutterby if she was raised by wolves. Oh, and he might be sick and dying because he was coughing, so maybe the Muggle Studies Professors are doomed. But do not ask him about that either because he might give you detention until you figure out how to not get caught.