Hogwarts RETURNS Wandlore After Controversial Ban, O’Keeffe Cold Shoulders Students, and Reid The Rook’s Dummy Rampage
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Writes gossip correspondent Philomena Pest
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Sometimes, darlings, enough is enough, and my sources tell me that this is certainly the case for our national ‘hero to be’ Elliott Reid of Slytherin House. Infuriated by his ‘eavesdropping’ housemates, Reid is said to have skulked off to a dueling room to royally lash out on the nearest training dummy he could get his mittens on, leaving it trampled, frayed and utterly dismayed.
Though no deliberation is needed to figure out why, darlings, this rabid competitor cannot withhold his temper, when the answer can be found at the top of the castle food chain, donned in chic, steely blacks: Aoife O’Keeffe. Students begging for personal training are told quite firmly and frostily “no” – left pondering the foibles of their young existences, impotent to a Tournament that heeds their Headmistress’s attention far more than anything else. Has Reid been pushed too far, or is there something else at bay? Oh I do love a mystery!
Attention is a funny thing, too, darlings, a thing that Professor Gaston Reuter could boldly attest to. After all, having come under fire for his recent classroom ramblings regarding the infamous arrest of Wandlore studies, it is no shock at all that he would go on to retract this shocking decision and reinstate this most prized of subjects. And a correct retraction at that, darlings! I do salute him. In a letter addressed to our very office, Reuter demands to know the source of our inside scoops! And darlings, whilst one cannot reasonably or logistically do this, I must applaud him for his efforts! *Smoky laugh!*
