Cecily Braithwaite: Hogwarts’ Most Controversial Candidate

By Scandella Bliss

Cecily Braithwaite is a liar, a fraud, and a disgrace to the wizarding world, readers. While campaigning for the Hogwarts Board of Governors, this little old lady has been telling stories across wizarding Britain, hoping to fool the gullible into voting for her. Readers and reporters alike have been following her trail, questioning the validity behind her words and today I, Scandella Bliss, am here to expose her for what she really is: a delusional fame hound with a penchant for muggle drugs and a flair for drama. 

Let me take you on a tour of her twisted mind, where she invents absurd objects like the ‘Sceptre of Eclipsed Wisdom’ – a name that sounds like it came from a cheap novel. We’ll explore the centre of her fantasy world, and don’t worry, her professed love for education and inclusivity, inspired by a supposedly scandalous figure from her family’s past, appears frequently in this made-up saga.

During her recent debate appearance, Braithwaite made a mockery of herself, performing a fantasy more suited for a bedtime story than the Board’s serious debate stage. As she continued to say very little in quite a lot of words, one had to wonder – were we witnessing a new Merlin or just a madwoman lost in her own delusions?

Her evasion of direct questions while hiding behind a mask of smiles and fake eloquence, only increased the uncertainty surrounding her claims. Talking about academic achievements and discoveries that seem to exist only in the depths of her mind, Braithwaite’s tales appear to be a whole lot of sparkle without any substance.

In her flashy enchanted clothing, narrating stories of a magical family background that could supposedly match Gringotts for richness, Braithwaite’s story is laughable. In a recent interview with yours truly, Braithwaite claimed a legacy filled with mystery and magic, speaking of ancient magical artefacts and extraordinary enchanters. But where’s the proof? What business does such an established witch have, living among muggles? Surely there’s some sprawling family estate she might occupy, right? The tales spun by Braithwaite are full of holes and contradictions, lacking in any concrete evidence. 

As if only to add to the questions, Braithwaite took a dose of medication upon arriving for the interview, offering no explanations. The medication in question was no common calming draught, but something from a muggle bottle of pills. According to my sources, muggle medications are often the cause of hallucinations, confusion, and delusions of grandeur- among other much worse side-effects. Could this explain her fantastical stories and claims? Or is she simply a pathological liar who enjoys deceiving the wizarding people? Or perhaps, even worse, is Braithwaite little more than a puppet while someone else pulls the strings, feeding her lines and keeping her docile- well, docile enough- with muggle drugs?

Braithwaite’s story about her academic rivalries and groundbreaking discoveries, her journey through magical academia, and her vision for Hogwarts – it’s all a fantastical performance, devoid of any substance. Her dramatic tales, from the world of old magic and high society to her globe-trotting adventures, seem to be more fiction than fact, a patchwork of imagination- amusing, but hardly something we’d want in any position of authority.

As for her scandalous ‘truth’ about the wizarding world- the alleged ‘The Arcane Illumination,’ it’s the climax of her fantasy, a tale so ludicrous it defies logic. Braithwaite told me all about this secret society she claims influences the wizarding world from the shadows. And as someone familiar with the hidden secrets of our community, this revelation fell flat with me. Where was the evidence? Examples of the strings they were supposedly pulling? And why share this information now? Braithwaite’s stories are a web of deception, readers, and that’s coming from a gossip columnist. Of course, should she wind up on the front page of the Daily Prophet tomorrow, at least we’ll know where to look for suspects. We’re on to you Arcane Illumination.

As if her tales of magic and mystery weren’t enough, Cecily Braithwaite also tried to win over the public with her appearance at Hogsmeade’s Stitch & Bitch/charity event hosted by Marrow, Rookswood, and Dechants. The event, which aimed to collect wands for impoverished Hogwarts students, was hijacked by Braithwaite’s staged arrival with an entourage of paparazzi rumoured to be fake. It was a blatant and pathetic attempt to grab attention. In the process of her parade, one member of her entourage pushed a child who was standing near Braithwaite, causing him to fall and injure himself. The child was reported to have been in tears, causing her attempt to charm the wizarding world to backfire spectacularly.

In conclusion, Cecily Braithwaite is a fraud who does not deserve your vote or your trust. If elected, she would serve as both the source of fantasy at Hogwarts as well as the source of doubt, though, I must admit, at least she’ll make a dazzling show of it which is more than can be said for her scoundrel of a competitor, Enoch Marrow. As the wizarding world observes, I’ll be here to reveal the deception. Stay tuned as we continue to unravel the scandalous web that has become the Hogwarts Board of Governors campaign.