DMLE Traitors Plot to Ensure Goblin Victory!?
Darlings, you’ll never believe this. An insider within the Ministry of Magic has sent me anonymous, jarring and jagged intelligence concerning the location of Britain’s lost loot, and the Department of Magical Law Enforcement’s awareness and complicity on its whereabouts. Scathing.
The sizable lead, as described in this most succulent of letters, could solve the mystery of what happened to our gold, if it had not been for the removal of several important agents within the department at the start of the Grecession. These agents, according to this most tantalizing of sources, had the knowledge and capability to stop the Goblins altogether.
Convenient, isn’t it, darlings? Or is it just a coincidence? We ought to ask ourselves that and more, as our tattered economy continues to plummet, and the cost of wigs and pigs continues to rise. Our source even claims that the DMLE and its head, Aleksandr Metel, know the location of the lead, and that they are therefore responsible for the unnecessary and prolonged suffering this Grecession has caused.
It’s revolting, but also riveting, and I want to know more, darling, MORE!