Scathing Vandals Target Werewolf-Owned Businesses
Dervish and Banges of Hogsmeade is one of many businesses recently vandalised by hooligans, who in their disastrous, devious and dismal onslaught have forced this deeply adored business to temporarily close, for the safety of its staff and stock.
Aryiana Novelli, cherished and rather stylish owner of Banges – and proud Patrol witch within our nation’s Ministry of Magic – tells us that this comes conveniently after the last ‘full moon attack’, and that these troublesome, treacherous and terrible shrewds are specifically aiming for and targeting establishments owned by unwittingly outed werewolves. There’s nothing darling about that.
As an outed werewolf herself, and not nearly as hairy as one would expect her to be, Novelli describes the vandalism left behind; “Windows were broken in, blood was smeared across the walls, rubbish set aflame.” One wonders how the residents of Hogsmeade will react to these hideous, heinous and horrible acts of derision, and whether they will look upon each other with great suspicion. The village is after all very small, and if there is one thing all Brits can agree on, it’s that bad manners trumps all.
Esteemed and expensive-suit-wearing Bellamy Deuxchanson, Assistant to the Head of the Department of International Cooperation, helped Novelli to repair her shop, whilst offering safety like a darling denizen, providing this quote for the Prophet: “These tough times we live in, are made tougher by attacking our own communities. Yet nothing can justify the loss of life. I kindly ask the citizens of Great Britain to consider the source of all our troubles, and utilize their anger constructively. A resolution is in sight.”
This resolution must be quick and prompt, so that Dervish and Banges, famous for its exclusive sale of the beloved Frogue Fragrance Collection, can reopen with immediacy, as shoppers from all over will be cleaving to get their fill and smell their best. Until then, don’t be a vandal, darling, hug a werewolf.