Broomsticks, bludgers, golden snitches. There’s no sport in the wizarding world as exciting as Quidditch!
We have a little news to bring to you this week, no transfers and unusual hostilities, but exciting nonetheless! Apparently, the Holyhead Quidditch team and dueling club have a surprise in store for all the Banshee and Harpies fans and athletes out there! Seems they’ve opened a training center out in Godric’s Hollow. The second floor appears to be exclusive to club members but the bottom is open to the public. There’s no word of the cost for membership but, there’s been some talk of a summer internship in the works with the Department of Games and Sports.
Anyways, on to the matches! I have Calista Earnshaw and Christian Hastings helping with this week’s coverage, and with that, we’ll be launching straight into a recap of the matches!
Holyhead Harpies 150 to 10 Puddlemere United
Fans were left with emotional damage when the second shortest match of the season came to an end. In all honesty, what had even happened? As the balls were released for the start of the game, Puddlemere’s chaser Phyllida Barber got a fair head start and managed to steal the quaffle around to instantly score the first and only goal of the match. Not even two minutes later, Harpies’ Captain and Seeker Kelsey ‘Kelpie’ Galloway seized her opportunity by going after the golden snitch and catching it in record time. A surprising and valid play when it comes to the rules, but… Is it really what people want to see? Booings and chants of ‘I’ ain’t much I’m asking, just a good game. Gotta find me someone to give me my money back. I want it back, I want it back, I want it back and I want it now!’, told us exactly what we thought: No. Hopefully next week we’ll enjoy a worthy game for this crowd.
Tutshill Tornadoes 240 to 640 Kenmare Kestrels
The Kestrels surprise, yet again. And the Tornadoes are unsurprisingly underwhelming, yet again. Kip Heath and, to a lesser degree, Jasper Baxter did not pull their weight in comparison to the opposition’s Beaters who were playing with fearsome vigour from start to finish. Likewise, the Griffin Twins and Colin McClarken scored two goals for every one of the Tornadoes’. Kestrels Keeper, Reese “The Bartender” Barret, had an easier job than the Tornadoes crowd would have hoped, but performed with diligence. Hall Mynatt managed an impressive dive to catch the snitch 93 minutes into the game, causing the crowd to gasp in unison, and burst into cheering shortly after. Tutshill manager, Jamie Burnham, is said to now be threatening the team with bringing in new recruits and benching current players to reserve status. Time will tell if this is merely a rumour or a legitimate consideration.
Caerphilly Catapults 620 to 370 Montrose Magpies
Is there something in the Welsh water supply or are Caerphilly’s bravest hellbent on being the surprise league ladder climbers of the season? A stunning game against the Magpies saw Beater, Jayme Pearce, rise to the occasion and begin to shine as a star of not only his team, but the league. The rookie was off to a shaky start earlier in the season, but concerns over his potential are now well and truly quashed. Montrose’s Cass Audley can attest to this, having found himself on the receiving end of a well aimed missile-like bludger that knocked him off course, and ultimately off his broom. Thanks to an airtight offensive, the Catapults scored 47 goals, outplaying the more than competent Magpies by 100 points when the snitch was caught by golden boy rookie, Toutorix Tracy.
Wimbourne Wasps 50 to 170 Banchory Bangers
The Wasps made an unremarkable return to inconsistent gameplay while the Bangers got a lucky break. That about sums up this low scoring and rather unexciting match. On the board we saw 5 goals to the Wasps versus 2 to the Bangers, prior to Banchory’s Seeker/pitch comedian, Bryson McConnell’s fortuitous snitch catch. In the 16-minute game timeframe, no one really got a chance to shine. Exceptions include McConnell and Banchory’s Ulysses Ellington, who scored both of the Bangers’ goals. On the Wimbourne side, Layne Peacock and Tryphena Beetlegleam notched up 50 points between them, but on the whole, it was a yawn and the Wasps remain in 7th place, unsurprisingly.
Wigtown Wanderers 250 to 460 Ballycastle Bats
Yet another victory for Ballycastle that certainly helps with the previous issues caused by a certain beater. The game started slow and began to get fast paced as the first three goals were striked… Exactly twenty-two minutes later. Rook’s Defense, or perhaps bad strategies? Nevertheless, it was Wigtown’s Chaser Garry Ivers who had the honour to start the numbers adding. With a superb pass from fellow Chaser Babs Paternoster, Ivers managed to go through Ballycastle’s defense and scored not one but three goals, one after the other. The fans seemed pleased, and the teams began to play seriously. The aggressiveness from the Bats’ Beater Caryxander Mordushku was still present, but definitely more tamed after his hearing. Rumour has it, the Department of Magical Sports has assigned him 100 hours of community service. The scores were soon up to 310 to 250 for the team from Ballycastle. Only a miracle in the shape of a Golden Snitch could please the Wanders. Unluckily for them, it was the arrogance of Avery Whittle who won that match. After ninety-two minutes of match, the Ballycastle Bats’ Seeker achieved his goal, and brought the victory home.
Chudley Cannons 330 to 270 Appleby Arrows
One of the more surprising match results of the season, and one that has Cannons fans dusting off their victory flags and waving them proudly. Conversely, Arrows fans are shaking their heads in disbelief and wondering what the heck has gone wrong this season; from the Arrows’ stellar victory over the beloved Harpies at the EQC, to being defeated by Chudley. Oh, how the mighty have fallen. To give the Arrows credit where it is due, they were outscoring the Cannons 27 goals to 18. And then the formidable Sayaka Satō swooped in and caught the snitch for Chudley in an impressively risky dive roll manoeuvre, lending weight to the assertion that Satō is “the best seeker in the world”. If she can save the Cannons, she may well be!
“Chudley… [expletive] Chudley. Chudley…?!”
– Arrows Keeper, Hardy Barnes
Falmouth Falcons 590 to 350 Pride of Portree
The Falcons seem to be unstoppable. The team from Cornwall came, saw and conquered yet another week on the pitch. Even when Pride confronted them with a valid effort, the Falcons simply continued to disregard any obstacles in their path. The Unstoppable Trio of Chasers -Lucius Paddon, Jerry Halloran and Carran Georgeson- gave their all with a masterclass of stealing, saving and throwing quaffles, much for their fans’ joy. Pride also did their fair share of good plays, with Rookie Chaser Elliott Reid taking the lead for the first time in scoring goals. Out of the 350 points, 210 were Reid’s. Despite her very best, Pride’s Keeper Hayoon ‘Doll’ Seol couldn’t match the Falcon’s energy, probably thanks to Adam Fletcher and his efficient tactic of putting down everyone who was a threat for the Falmouth team: that bat worked hard today.
With a score of 440 to 350 for the Falcons, Dot Townsend sealed the deal by catching the Golden Snitch seventy-three minutes after the match started. This victory only makes them further away from the rest of the league, which only makes us wonder… Is the fight really over?
Of course not! It never is until the last game of the season. Stay tuned!
