Broomsticks, bludgers, golden snitches. There’s no sport in the wizarding world as exciting as Quidditch! Little news to bring to you this week, or at least no transfers and unusual hostilities, just the normal sort we see every week. I have Calista Earnshaw and Christian Hastings helping with this week’s coverage, and with that announcement, we’ll be launching straight into a recap of the matches!
Holyhead Harpies 290 to 370 Wimbourne Wasps
“Mistakes were made.” is the poor excuse that Lillibeth Bennet, Beater for the Harpies, gave us after the second loss for her team during this season. And indeed, there must have been some truth in her words, as the game didn’t run as smoothly as anticipated for the – up until then – reigning queens of the board. Starting with a fair advantage, the team from Holyhead seemed to be scoring easily, as Keeper Goodwin Malloye was put under pressure by Chasers Persephone Vitrac, Franchescka De Luca and Jolene Paris. All would have been gold for the Harpies if Bennet wasn’t distracted (according to one source, by a certain Scandinavian Wasps Beater), marking the wrong target. In an unexpected turn of events, Wasps Seeker Alec Tollemache won the snitch over Kelsey Galloway, creating Wasps vs Harpies history. This loss is a knock to the Harpies’ confidence, but akin to hardly more than a scrape on knee and nice shiner if they can pull themselves back up for another win the next time around. The Wasps, however, needed this win. Let’s be clear, they should be doing far better this season than they have been. Inconsistent play will be their downfall, if anything is. Oddly, Wasps Beater, Ayo Onyilguwo, was full of praise for his team’s losing opponents. While fellow Wasps Beater, Magnus Laufreyn, had very few words for us, and vague/cryptic ones at that.
“Well, that was the December game, and you know what? I think both teams did fantastic! It was a little cold, let’s be honest, and weather can really throw you off your game. I know my biggest challenge was keeping the Harpies Beaters at bay; they have some heavy hitters on the team. All in all, I think the Harpies did real well, but we came to win… and so I think we just sort of pushed each other to do our best. I did get one nasty black eye that game, and probably almost got knocked off my broom twice… I can’t wait to play them again. Those Harpies really do have some serious willpower!”
– Ayo Onyilguwo
“Mixed feelings.”
– Magnus Laufreyn
Ballycastle Bats 640 to 80 Montrose Magpies
What a game for the Ballycastle Bats. Their victory could be veritably tasted from the stands. The game started painfully slow, as the time to get a quaffle from the pitch centre to the hoops was carefully spared by the Magpies’ offensive for… absolutely no good reason! Points started to rack up eventually, and the scoreboard favoured the Bats, as Chasers Tobin Townsend and Deirdre Piper executed a masterful play that included their teammate, Avonlea Fox, intercepting quaffles from the Magpies with an ease reminiscent of the old saying ‘like stealing Bertie Botts beans from a child’. The pressure mounted for the Montrose Magpies’ Keeper, Myles Burnham, who couldn’t hold up against the relentless attack from the opposition’s Chasers. Fans witnessing the pummeling of the Magpies couldn’t believe their eyes, and after the game, Ballycastle Bats Beater, Caryxander Mordushku, gave us the following statement:
“Seems like the Magpies just didn’t have it in them; maybe their Chasers could do with getting their eyes checked?”
– Caryxander Mordushku
When asked to respond to comments made by the opposing side, Magpies’ Beater, Adam Fletcher, was quick to defend his own personal gameplay:
“The other players weren’t pulling their weight, clearly!”
– Adam Fletcher
Are tensions rising inside the Magpies’ locker-room? Time – and future results – may tell!
Tutshill Tornadoes 550 to 660 Appleby Arrows
The Tornadoes and the Arrows turned up the excitement a notch or two for this tense and tight game, with the Arrows securing victory ultimately, but not without some casualties along the way. Even when things seemed to favour the Tornadoes, with quaffles being directed straight into Hardy Barnes’ hoops, the Arrows performed a quick counter-attack, matching Parsnicky, George and Nelson’s energy with precise shots of their own, to almost level the playing field.
It was the effort of Beater Daphne Quinn who sent a well-rounded bludger towards Tornadoes seeker Lacey Bolton, favouring Everett to catch the snitch just in time to head home with a victory before Christmas. When asked for a comment, the Arrows representatives were customarily humble:
“I mean with a team as good looking as ours to distract them on the pitch, how could other teams not lose.”
– Justine McNee
Tornadoes Chaser, Robert Parsnicky, was understandably put out by the loss and, when asked for comment off the pitch, he responded sharply:
“They think we were distracted by their looks? Mate, possibly. The brow is distracting as [expletive].”
– Robert Parsnicky
Puddlemere United 10 to 670 Pride of Portree
Absolutely shambolic is an understated description of Puddlemere’s loss to Pride. Our league’s oldest team seems hell bent on making 20th Century champion goal-scorer, Joscelind Wadcock, ashamed to be associated with United. Pride, on the other hand, certainly has every reason to be proud. Portree’s Kyo Fujiwara delivered on the pitch and lived up to his reputation for being a little wild in the air, in sharp contrast to his mild-mannered, amiable off-pitch self. Unfortunately for United’s Phyllida Barber, Fujiwara’s aim was as good as his swing, and Barber clocked one on the leg, sending her broom into a tailspin. A less composed player would have crash-landed into the stands, but Barber managed to right her course and steady her broom… just in the nick of time. Sadly, this was Puddlemere’s match high point. Hayoon “Doll” Seol was given an easy job of things, with United’s chance of scoring more than the paltry single goal that they managed, looking highly unlikely. Rookie, Elliott Reid, seemed to relish coordinating with fellow Pride Chasers Akilina Picasso and Valentine Weekes, both of whom are famed for their exciting flying styles and match flair. They did not disappoint. And Reid is proving his metal too, showing us all why Pride’s investment in Hogwarts’ most esteemed recent graduate was absolutely worthwhile. We can all be thankful that the wiley Marfa Parma caught the snitch for Portree when she did, bringing an end to United’s public shaming. Puddlemere Beater, Nickolas Avery, was not his usual cocky self when we met him off the pitch after the game.
“Not our finest hour. Excuse me, I am on my way to the locker-room…”
– Nickolas Avery
Outspoken Pride Beater, Lindiwe Ungaro, didn’t beat around the bush.
“We kicked their arses. Go Pride!”
– Lindiwe Ungaro
Kenmare Kestrels 60 to 540 Falmouth Falcons
Yet another disappointing match for fans of close, well-matched competition. And for fans of the Kestrels. The Falcons 39 goals prior to the snitch catch would have been far more impressive if not so easily won. Fans of the Kestrels are now calling into question the newly employed tactics of Kenmere manager Cheryl Hasting, who is determined to restore more innovation to the team’s gameplay. Time takes time, as some say, and it’s early days for the revamped Kestrels. We can only hope for their sake that the strategy pays off. And soon. Falcons Chasers Lucius Paddon, Jerry Halloran and Carran Georgeson were star players, keeping the opposition occupied at all times. Mack Clifford wore a mask of fierce determination from match start to the moment Dot Townsend caught the snitch. He could be seen screaming encouragement for more aggressive gameplay to Beaters Albert Lamb and Jasper Baxton anytime there was a slight “lull” in the intensity of the game. Kenmare’s Chloe Griffin was nearly on the receiving end of a Baxton Bludger Backbeat, but luckily dodged fast enough to receive only a graze to the cheek, and not the full force of a bludger to the head, side-on. The Chaser was thankful as she reflected:
“Oh, yes! Close call, that one. The match was not our finest, but we’re trying new things on the pitch and I look forward to seeing what we can do in upcoming games.”
– Chloe Griffin
Caerphilly Catapults 480 to 30 Chudley Cannons
After the first fifteen minutes of match time, it was clear that the Caerphilly Catapults were certain to win against their lackluster competition, the Chudley Cannons.
Gabriella Dudley led her team to victory in focused fashion, while the Cannons were hard pressed to score even 3 goals. Game highlights belonged exclusively to the Catapults, disappointing all spectators – Cannons and Catapults fans alike – who had hoped for a more closely-matched and exciting performance. Radek Mercer was merciless, firing bludger after bludger at the opposition with impressive accuracy. And Canadian transfer Kasandra Bélanger showed the crowd why she is considered one of the league’s finest Seekers. Cannons Manager, Ben Foddle, gave us a shrug and a statement after the game.
“It could have been worse. It could have been two goals.”
– Ben Foddle
The Catapults’ Jayme Pearce gave us a few words.
“Feels amazing! It’s been a rough ride at times this season, but we’re on a roll now!”
– Jayme Pearce
Banchory Bangers 330 to 200 Wigtown Wanderers
Wigtown Wanderers fans weren’t as impressed with the final results of this game. Whilst the match started with a good pace for the Bangers – 4 goals to 0, thanks to Captain Ulysses Ellington and his rapid fire score against Keeper, Mick Mooney – it didn’t take long for the Wanderers to score back and flip the points 100 to 120 in their favour. Things seemed to be turning into a possible victory for the Wigtown team, when Beater, Cade Lindon – allegedly unintentionally – trespassed the bounds of the pitch in order to hit Banger’s seeker Bryson McConnell. Green sparks were called on the Beater, who received a time-out for ten minutes.
The Bangers knew how to take advantage of these minutes, and whilst they didn’t get to match the score of their rivals, at 180 to 200 Bryson McConnell took his chances and caught the snitch, being defended perfectly by Beater, Anah Trengove, despite Darragh “Danger Zone” Daly’s efforts. A real pity for the Wanderers, that surely they’ll aim to fix for their next match!
Ballycastle Bats 540 to 630 Holyhead Harpies
The Harpies are back in business! Fans were hesitant going into the stands this week, worried they’d see their Harpies fall lower from their top position and to Ballycastle at that but it seems they had nothing to worry about. It was a completely different team on the pitch this week and if rumours are to believe Captain Kelsey Galloway’s boot camp training after the last match is to blame. Determined to go out of the first half of the season with a bang, the Harpies came out with their all, though Jolene Parris was the real star this week. With Vitrac running interference with Caryxander Mordushku, earning the majority of his bludgerings and De Luca doing what she does best and stealing the quaffle, it was up to Parris to sink goal after goal and she managed it flawlessly. While Bennet and Kendrick kept the Bats’ chasers out of the competition as much as they could, even Whittle’s snitch catch wasn’t enough to secure a victory for Ballycastle this week. Better luck next time!
Appleby Arrows 290 to 170 Wimbourne Wasps
Just when it seemed the tide was turning for Wimborne, the Arrows rained down upon them and snatched victory with a decisive win. The match had its tense moments, and three quarters in, it could have swung either way. A reliable source informs us that several of the players, on both sides, were seen continuing their Yule reveling in a publicly drunken fashion well into the wee hours on Boxing Day, which could explain some of the amateur mistakes made on the pitch. Despite this, the play was tight, with Wimbourne leading 170 to 140, right up until the Arrows’ Everett Butcher caught the snitch. The loss is a huge upset to Wimbourne who are hovering in limbo, mid-ladder. When asked for a comment after the game, Beater Magnus Laufreyn responded with a singular word.
“Jävlar.”
– Magnus Laufreyn
Arrows Captain, Turlough Parsons, had no time to comment, but gave us a cheeky eyebrow raise on his way to the locker-room.
Pride of Portree 180 to 130 Montrose Magpies
A low scoring short match, with a good deal of seemingly defensive game play on Pride’s side, was served up to spectators, but Portree’s finest emerged victorious in the end. Magpies Beater, Adam Fletcher, put on an impressive show, keeping the opposition on their toes throughout the match. Despite Portree Rookie Elliott Reid’s best efforts, Montrose gained a decisive lead. But the Magpies underestimated the stealth and strategic gameplay coordinated by Portree’s Marfa Parma. Indeed, while Portree seemed to be lagging terribly, their strategy rested on Parma’s shoulders. The gamble paid off, and just as Montrose was patting itself on the back for another stolen goal, Parma swooped down and caught the snitch. We tried to get a comment from Portree’s Hayoon “Doll” Seol, but she was annoyingly surrounded by an impenetrable flock of fanboys after the game.
Falmouth Falcons 560 to 40 Tutshill Tornadoes
A round of applause for Falmouth’s Falcons as they surpass the Harpies in points and reach that golden number one place. And an audible collective sigh for Tutshill’s Light-breeze-on-a-balmy-summer’s-day. What an abysmal match for the Tornadoes, who disappointed all those gunning for their return to finer form, if not the top of the league. That day seems a long way off at this point. The Falcons started strong and ended strong, but met little resistance from their lukewarm opposition en route to victory. Match highlights included the Falcons’ Albert Lamb pulling some interesting duck, weave and smash moves, carefully coordinated with co-Beater Jasper Baxter. This experimental offensive gameplay saw Tutshill’s one-to-watch, Luna George, caught off guard and almost knocked from her broom at one point. Tornadoes Chaser, Elliot Nelson, took the loss on the chin and told us:
“We did not deserve the win, it is clear. But such a loss is an embarrassment. We have a duty to the Tutshill legacy and our fans to pull our socks up for the next match.”
– Elliot Nelson
Chudley Cannons 210 to 420 Puddlemere United
Though both teams have had their obvious struggles in recent times, both the Cannons and United showed up for this match, giving it their best efforts. Though gameplay on both sides was erring slightly on the cautiously defensive side. Puddlemere’s Callum McClarken caught the snitch at the 42-minute mark, thus sealing United’s victory and putting the Cannons out of their misery. Chudley’s Beater, Kathi Cassidy, was graciously optimistic, as always.
“Win some, lose some, show up next time and do better, you know? … For the Cannons and all who support us!”
– Kathi Cassidy
Wigtown Wanderers 130 to 620 Kenmare Kestrels
Get. It. Together. Wigtown. Though Wanderers Beater, Darragh “Danger Zone” Daly, put on an impressive – albeit incredibly aggressive – show, it wasn’t enough to keep Kenmare clocking up points on the board. Kenmere manager, Cheryl Hasting, has been pushing for a return to the innovative offensive gameplay that made the Kestrels legendary on the pitch, and it is clearly paying dividends. Colin McClarken and twins Billy and Chloe Griffin put on an impressive display of speed and coordination, showing up their rival Chasers and rendering Wigtown’s defenses useless in the end. The good natured Kestrels were all happy to give comments after the match, with Beater, Blossom Fairbairn, even stopping to chat cordially for over an hour with press and fans.
“I’m so proud of my teammates. It was a joy to see everyone pull together, deliver a win for Kenmare and do our fans proud. Better luck next time to the Wanderers. They did their best, but it just wasn’t their day…”
– Blossom Fairbairn
When asked for a response to the Kestrels’ statements, Wigtown’s Chaser, Garry Ivers, retorted ungraciously:
“They can get [expletive].”
– Garry Ivers
Banchory Bangers 520 to 210 Caerphilly Catapults
The Bangers keep banging it out. Another solid win for the best of Banchory against the Caerphilly Catapults saw the Bangers inching their way up the charts this week, from ninth position to a more respectable eighth. Doirend ‘No Pads’ Rayne stole the show for the Bangers. The man knows no fear. Or pain, apparently. Hit multiple times, bruised and bloodied, his play remained focused and unyielding. In fact, the knocks and cheers from the crowd seemed to spur the Chaser on to more daring moves. This paid off, and even without the snitch having been caught by the jovial Bryson McConnell 1 hour and 34 minutes in, it was a Bangers game the whole way. Though the Catapults put up a fight, Banchory had a comfortable lead for the entire match. Ruta Kovalyov was Caerphilly’s hero, being involved in the scoring of all but three of the Catapults’ goals. Rookie Catapults Seeker, Toutorix Tracy, met with us off the pitch, his confidence clearly shaken.
“Mate, I don’t know what happened out there… I mean, I’ve been training extra hard… we all have. Although, I still have a lot to learn and… well, I accept that. It’s just that, you know… you try really hard and then you don’t see improvement from one match to the next… Or, well, there is improvement… but like, not enough. So it’s… well, it’s frustrating isn’t it? And, like…”
– Toutorix Tracy
We spotted the elusive yet popular Bangers Chaser, Josias Saylor, signing rarely given autographs nearby, and made a quick exit from our conversation with Tracy to grab a statement from the Banchory side.
“We were out there having fun… Doing what we do best, playing a good game. And now, it’s time to celebrate, Banchory style!”
– Josias Saylor
That’s all for this week, but we’re looking forward to another exciting week of Quidditch next time, after the holidays. As we hit midseason, things are sure to only get more exciting! We’ll see you soon!
