Spring Sprung Drama
The Spring Open, the traditional start of the dueling season, this weekend was instead a site of chaos and tragedy as the tournament was interrupted by violence of a different sort.
According to eye-witness reports shortly before finals were due to begin a group of goblins stormed the event with cries of; “Goblins will never surrender!” and “Not a single piece of Goblin Ground!” Following a short skirmish the Goblins vanished under cover of smoke leaving nothing but a disrupted event in their wake.
As of the time of this writing St Mungos reports no fatalities though both spectators and competitors were admitted with injuries ranging from the critical to the superficial. In attendance was Lark Rosewood, speaking to the Daily Prophet she had this to say:
“I’ve never seen anythin’ like i’, though I ‘spose i’ was to be expec’ed af’ all tha’s been goin’ on in the cour’s. Bu’ hones’ly, I ain’ one for politics so i’d be nice if they could keep i’ ou’ of our spor’s, yeah?”
Also speaking for the Department of Games and Sports was the Dueling Liaison and former Bristol Boggart, El Cuchillo who had this to say:
“The loss of any player especially in circumstances like this is a blow to the organization but we’re committed to keeping the season going strong and looking to fill holes in club rosters with new talent. We still got a long way to go until winter and we’re gonna get there no matter what.”
While the Minister is aboard on business her assistant, Archibald Colquhoun had this to say:
“The Minister’s Office is naturally shocked to hear of this incident. Goblin Independence is being handled through an lawful, democratic process in the Wizengamot to which both communities have agreed. We are certain that both Wixen and Goblins alike will condemn the actions of the group which has sought to take matters into their own hands, without respect for human life or the rule of law. Our citizenry can rest assured that the Ministry will take appropriate criminal action, and that we are determined that this incident should not derail the peaceful political process which is in the interests of both communities.”
Encouraging words in these uncertain times! This story will be ongoing and further developments will be released as things develop.
Obituaries
HERRING, Redula, 97, Leeds
Died peacefully in her jacuzzi clutching onto a low-fat butterbeer, whilst listening to her favourite band, The Marrows. Redula worked as an administrator at the Ministry within the department for International Cooperation, and her vibrant desk, full of Marrows’ posters, pencil sharpenings and her prized collection of skeleton mugs – along with her sharp wit and upbeat attitude – will be greatly missed.
DAVIDS, Louise, 37, Glasgow
Journeyed on, after mistaking her floor lamp as her broom, whilst attempting to take flight from a nearby cliff. She loved her floor lamps, so doesn’t mind. She told us so herself. Her ghost currently resides in her house in Glasgow, despite the protestations of her landlord who wishes to sell it.
SHALLOW, Nina, 58, London
Accidental potion explosion. She will be sorely missed and leaves behind a doting husband, two daughters and a great dane – Zeus – who looks for her everyday. She was more than just a witch, she was a Shallow witch. Goodnight Nina.
SMITH, ‘DJ’ Dennis, 134, London
Passed away through old age. Dennis was the life of every party, adored by witch and wizards all over the country. His legacy is a popping ‘duel on the beach’ cocktail that made him his millions in the 80s, and is still sold in can-form in shops and bars today. That and his fantabulous magical DJ skills. Have one on us, Dennis! Party hard, wherever you are.
