January 7th, 2023
Hogwarts. A proud and prestigious school that once called itself the finest in witchcraft and wizard, has befallen sad times. Parents and student reports flow in how poor grades, students skipping classes to “snog” as students say, and even common acts of violence, often that of the muggle-kind. Yes, it’s true dear readers! Not a day passes in the ancient corridors that somewhere students pummel each other with fist, bloodying each other like rabid savages. Most of which seem to come from the openly claimed werewolf students that threaten and bully.
Regardless of this atrocity, student magical performance has been on a steady decline since our very own Minister of Magic, Picklebottom once reigned over the school many of us attended in yesteryear’s past. It’s even commonplace gossip that students learn more about such and such student’s knicker colours than they do in the ways of Transfiguration. Yes, dear readers, it has been reported to this humble reporter of how students that are supposed to be of advanced level, fail at the simplest of transformations, how students utterly ruin ingredients, many of which are rare and difficult to obtain in their disastrous brews that a mere second year just six year ago would have whipped up with ease.
So what acts can be taken to resolve these growing discrepancies within Hogwarts? Well the Hogwarts Board of Governors are convening to discuss just that! Recently appointed Chair of Board, Judy Dorchester, known and beloved High Warlock of the Wizengamot tells the Daily Prophet that she has many ideas and plans to raise the school back to the number one slot it once held for centuries. “It’s an utter disgrace when Hogwarts gives its not only first, but multiple T grades. Either Headmistress Fischer is allowing actual trolls to attend Hogwarts, or the system has failed,” says Dorchester firmly on the matter. Stay tuned to the Daily Prophet as detail emerge.
-Sidgeon Delerius Quilt, Daily Prophet