Squeaking lately? Have an irresistible urge to turn a snog fest into a snot feast? You may be a victim of the Pygmy Virus outbreak here at Hogwarts.
Is it a coincidence that, just before the first cases of the illness, a warning came from the Department of Infectious Diseases? It was the fanfare mask, a poor and transparent attempt to legitimize a sudden outbreak. If this is the case, what is the intent? After interviewing infected and uninfected students alike, theories include an attempt at some dastardly takeover, a plot by the infamous Hat Cult, and even a sinister plot to stock up on fur.
One student cleverly suggested that this whole illness could be Professor Ipswitch’s doing in order to restock her supplies of puff fluff for use as furs. Another pointed out, “That hat cult is a likely suspect, too… This fluff is embarrassing–how else do we cover it up besides a big brimmed hat?”
As theories were tossed about, a blinding flash filled the room, derailing the conversation. The students of Hogwarts are clever, and that poses a threat. Are we striking too close to the heart of this dark conspiracy? More importantly, will you end up becoming a stole or donning an evil accessory amid the Hat War?
Fall not in line with the nefarious paths laid out before us. We are being intentionally led. Though we may not yet know the goals of the villainous puppet masters trying to pull our strings, it is safe to assume that they want nothing good for us.
– The Unseen One