What’s the use of Exam Week if we don’t give our professors a little chuckle here and there? Submitted by professors, here are the funniest exam answers this year!
Names of individuals as well as their years have been omitted.
Q: Barry’s daughter has an allergy to dairy. Put together a menu based on this fact, you can also include other allergies just in case.
A: We’ll start with some fried cheese sticks. Then we’ll do a nice Cheesy Chicken Spaghetti with a side of mac and cheese. Following with that, we’ll do a lovely nutty cheese ball with crackers. Finally, all-you-can-eat iced cream with milkshakes.
Note: I am approaching this with the intention that I hate Barry and he should have just told me he wanted me to invite his arse over instead of trying to hint at it. Honestly, Barry can bugger off. He never returned my garden shears.
Q: You go to the grocery store and they have run out of all condiments. You now have to make them from scratch! Quick thinking allows you to get the things you need while you’re at the store. What will you need to make any condiments for your dinner party?
A: We don’t do condiments then. I don’t want them here, why am I going to splurge and make them?
Q: Dragons are easy to tame and make great domestic pet for a wizard. True or false ? (Motivate your answer.)
A: False, duh, Dragons are fiercely independent, almost as bad as a cat, but they have the spicy breath that kinda makes it hard to keep the dragon indoors and with a lot of them eating humans I don’t think people would appreciate getting yanked off the ground for supper.
Q: What is, in your opinion: A) The best spell combination. B) The most brutal, and C) The funniest?
A: Why would I tell you? I’ll lose the element of surprise, and you’ll know what to expect.
Q: Pick one magical creature and produce a piece on said creature.
Your coursework should include:
Details on the creature including;
Its natural habitat
Any uses for said creature in potions or as a pet/companion/transportation
Any interesting behaviours or features
A drawing of the creature
A: Mooncalf o’ Mooncalf,
I don’t even like ya half.
Yet you live across the Earth,
Much to my annoyed mirth,
With your wide bug eyes,
My problem mainly lies.
Your legs are so small,
How could they ever save you from a fall?
Your pale gray skin is truly a sin,
You look sickly and ickly.
I cannot comprehend how that neck hasn’t mark your end,
As it swallows livestock feed,
You don’t have any complex need.
You dance in the moonlight,
You give me a fright,
You dance for a love infusion,
But all you is give muggles some field based confusion.
There is one thing I enjoy- no I don’t jest,
And that is your dung helps with the harvest,
So, little Mooncalf, for whom idiots are named, flee before you give your tail a wag,
Before you fall prey to the Hodag.