Interviewers: Essa Nazari and Lia Swahn
Written by Astrid V.
Edited with Monsiuer Mortimer’s Novel Quill
Precious Fletcher. We have all heard the name of our Head boy’s father, whether it be from previous years as he informed us all his father would hear of this… or this year as we hear all about his indecorous Hogwarts exploits. Chances are, you know the name.
When word came out that Percius Fletcher was involved with a debased romantic scandal with our mysterious assailant, Eleanor Lovelace, we at the Owl Post knew we had to get a comment from the man himself. Unfortunately, this was easier said than done, that is until he transferred to the Ministry of Magic’s Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures’ Beast Division and found himself stationed at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Now we had our chance and one intrepid reporter, (and a nosey classmate), pounced on the opportunity to sit down for an interview with unwavering enthusiasm.
The first question asked of Mister Fletcher was met with sarcasm and a blatant lack of patience. Still, he took the time to explain that he was recently transferred to the Beast Division, as he felt himself “a bi’ more… diploma’ic” than our beloved former Care of Magical Creature professor, Lucifer Gillespie. He goes on to say he assumed Gillespie could do with the help and that he’d “‘ave a be’er time ge’in’ students to understand the impor’ance of the Registration Act.”
A laughable notion to any who have ever crossed paths with our Precious Fletcher (and to any who finish reading this article). The next question was simple enough, an inquiry on whether the transfer was requested or if he had been reassigned. To this, Fletcher so eloquently explained that he requested the transfer, saying “Gillespie needed the ‘elp, ‘sall there was to i’. I wan’ed to suppor’ the Registration Act an’ I couldn’ from the office I was in before.”
We weren’t surprised to hear this, however. Mister Fletcher seems exactly the sort to be in support of registering and inevitably rounding up all those infected with lycanthropy. That is what these sorts of things lead to, is it not? Usually immediately following an infiltration of some position of power by a Dorchester-like character.
That was enough on that subject, however, as we moved on to more pressing questions and the real purpose of the interview. Our interviewer confidently got right to the point, asking Mister Fletcher to detail the extent of his relationship with our Eleanor Lovelace. If you recall, in an earlier article we shared with readers the knowledge that Eleanor Lovelace was reported to be on a date with one Percius Fletcher when she was attacked viciously by a werewolf during the 1987/1988 school year. In the article we included a quote by Mister Percius Fletcher, found in an Owl Post article dated September 27, 1998. The quote was as follows:
“I did everyfin’ I could for ‘er, obviously. I fel’ bad. I’d taken ‘er on this da’e, a lil pi’y fing y’know wha’ I mean? An’ then this big mess-a fur came ou’a no where. ‘Course I legged i’, no’ ’cause I was scared bu’ I fhough’, if one of us go’ away, well the ovva could be saved. I sen’ a Patronus ahead of me, I’d been practicin’ ’em early, ‘course, an’ sen’ up a few red sparks ta try an’ grab anyone’s attention. Shame abou’ ‘er face. Glad I was ‘er last da’e.”
How did the Percius Fletcher of 2025 describe his relationship with Lovelace? With an expression that hinted at years of guilt and shame, he replied, “Jus’ friends. I took ‘er on a da’e ou’ of pi’y, ‘sall i’ was. I didn’ speak to ‘er after tha’”
Whether or not to believe that is up to readers, but there are those of us at the Owl Post who find it hard to believe that ‘Hogwarts’ Pureblood Sweetheart’ needed a pity date. Then again, we imagine it would be quite difficult to speak to someone after cowardly abandoning them to be mauled by a rabid beast and left for dead.
Now, our reporter moved on to an interesting follow up question. As stated in the aforementioned article, Precious Fletcher was also once quite close with a girl by the name of Aoife. Making an assumption based on our Deputy Headmistress’ confession of friendship with Lovelace, our reporter saw fit to question Fletcher’s relationship with our very own Aoife O’Keeffe.
Initially, Percius was quick to insist that he had no relationship with Aoife, stating,
“Wha’ /is/ my relationship wiv Professor O’Keeffe? Old acquain’ances, nuffin’ more. There is no relationship, I ‘ave a relationship tha’ I’m qui’e ‘appy in, I dunno abou’ O’Keeffe. She was married last I checked.”
It was only after his interviewer clarified that her question was meant in the past tense, did Precious give the answer we sought. Albeit, interrupted by the whispers of one Lia Swahn as she joined our interviewer.
“We wen’ to one of the Chris’mas balls togevher, tha’ was i’. We didn’ really speak much after tha’, I was busy wivh prep for my N.E.W.T.s, she was similarly buried in books. Tha’ was i’ – wha’s she whisperin’? Wha’re you whisperin’ you pest?” (read further for Lia’s question.)
Continuing with her follow up questions, our brilliant Nazari rapidly fired off more inquiries. Why did Fletcher break up with O’Keeffe following the 1987 Winter Ball? Was she yet /another/ of his heavily favoured ‘pity dates’? The Ministry Official seemed to find himself quite flustered with this line of questioning, insisting that he and O’Keeffe were in fact, never together and that it was only a dance. From here, he moved on to threatening one of our interviewers, ever so diplomatically. For posterity, the threat is included as follows, “You bugger off Swahn, or [I’ll have] your movher cane you, mark my words.”
Clearly, this is a man for corporal punishment and yet he is here, being trusted to interact with innocent (and at times, defenseless) students? He was also quick to clarify, “She wasn’ a pi’y da’e, she was just a da’e. /Just/ a da’e. Nuffin’ else.”
We’re sure.
Next up, came a question combined between Nazari’s own curiosities and Swahn’s concerned whispering. In the writings found around the castle and village, assumed to be penned by Lovelace herself, there are quite a few references to a ‘he’ and a ‘him’, whom the Mad Wolf wishes to make pay. The two interviewers asked if perhaps Precious Fletcher was in fact the person referenced, and if so, why she might wish to make him pay. Moreso, if he is in fact the ‘He’ referenced, wouldn’t he be putting us in more danger by being here, provoking the Wolf into attacking more? This line of questioning appeared to have a most profound effect on the Senior Fletcher, as he gathered up his paper to hide his face behind. All he had in answer was this.
“You’d ‘afta ask ‘er tha’, I dunno who she’s after or wha’ she wan’s, I fhough’ she was dead until ‘er posters star’ed goin’ up. Don’ wri’e tha’ down, I fink I’ve ‘ad enough questions, fanks.”
A most avoidant response if we do say so ourselves. The fact of the matter, however is this: The members of the school have the right to know what is going on and Precious Fletcher’s role in it. As Nazari informed him of this and Swahn questioned if he was hiding something due to the guilty look upon his face, the man agreed to further questioning, though not without some bribery towards Miss Swahn, insisting that he “won’ pay for [her] weddin’ if [she] kept on.”
In yet another follow up question, Nazari inquired as to why another person, an H.F. who wrote one of the found letters to Lovelace, might also wish to hurt him. After a long and hesitant moment, Fletcher insisted “I dunno anyone wiv those initials”, shrugging and dropping his gaze. Was this yet another lie? Upon further prodding he hazarded a guess. “Hannah Fischer? Prob’ly annoyed wiv ‘ow many transfers I ge’ pu’ fhrough.” We can’t help but wonder if Fischer might be another pity date, though he insisted she was too old for him. Fischer just doesn’t seem like a proper fit, however. Why would the Minister of Magic work with Eleanor Lovelace, against Fletcher or otherwise? It doesn’t add up.
Continuing on the subject of the letters, Nazari asked, “Who is Perry Mott?” If you recall, Perry questioned why Lovelace had to choose ‘Him’. The same Him who ignored Aoife entirely after a kiss at the ball. The same [assumed] Percius Fletcher Him. His answer to this was merely that Perry Mott was a “‘Ufflepuff kid tha wen’ ta school around the time” as Aoife, Eleanor, and Fletcher and that he was “a bi’ of a loner”, according to Fletcher’s memory at any rate.
Moving on from the letters, Fletcher was asked what happened between Aoife and Eleanor to turn the latter into the former’s “most gobby tormentor”. (Quote from found letters referenced in aforementioned article) To this Fletcher only shrugged and responded with the counter question “Do women ever need a reason to fall ou’ wivh each ovher?”
Perhaps, it was Fletcher moving from pity date to pity date among best friends? A clear breach of girl code could be seen here, no? Surely this makes Eleanor guilty as well, but we can’t help but to notice that Precious Fletcher has no shortage of enemies.
Regardless, Nazari moved on to her closing questions. First, a quick inquiry if Fletcher had any regrets from this entire situation. Of course, the black hearted and remorseless Slytherin alumni said only, “Regre’s? No’ transferrin’ sooner. The Registration Act shoulda come inta effect earlier.”
Why is that, Mister Fletcher? So, that you could keep track of the girl you left to die, ensuring that she never gets close enough to exact her revenge? Perhaps.
One final question was asked by our interviewer and one we all had to wonder. If Percius Fletcher could tell Eleanor any one thing, what would he say? Many of us could imagine what we might say, were we in his shoes. Would it be an apology? Would he ask for her forgiveness? No. Percius Fletcher had this to say. “Don’ attack kids, i’s stupid?”
When further prodded about his choice of words he insisted,
“There weren’ nuffin’ I could do to change wha’ ‘appened, was there? Maybe I’d be the one ou’ there, preyin’ on students, if I’d ‘ave done i’ diff’ren’ly, an’ you’d be talkin’ to Lovelace instead. I ain’ go’ nuffin’ to be sorry abou’, I couldn’ change nuffin’.”
Unfortunately, this interview did not bring the answers we wanted, nor did it shine a flattering light upon the Ministry of Magic employee. We are left with no epiphanies, no apologies, and no explanations. Only empty words from an empty man. Percius Fletcher seems to have left many broken hearts in his wake, but none so tragically shattered as the heart of the girl who was once Hogwarts’ Sweetheart, now turned Mad Wolf.
