Written by Dottinous Foul, Ravenclaw
Spiders are the real reason Hogwarts still stands. Little by little, each intricately woven web seams each stone together, ensuring that our castle does not plummet into the depths of the black lake, where death is imminent. I know this – they told me so themselves.
However holding an old fortress together with webs requires sacrifice, and many of my eight legged friends have passed into the other realm along the way (how lucky they are). Over the summer, my auntie, Goblina, taught me all about obituaries and recognising those that have passed (although I much prefer death day parties.)
Here below I pay tribute to the many spiders who lost their lives serving this castle.
Seven leg Setty, The small gray spider in the trophy cupboard who was missing a leg:
You were shy, and demure, Setty. Your favourite spot was directly underneath the big Gryffindor trophy with the rust. Your webs, the glue that held the place together; Setty, you lost one of your legs when a first year Hufflepuff plucked it from you for a potion of some sort. I’ll see you in the other realm, you brave soldier.
Grimy of the Dungeons, the daddy long legs who often hung from a flame torch near Greens office:
Grimy , you were always cracking the best jokes. My favourite was the one were you hanged from the flame torch pretending to be dead. Grimy , your webs held the dungeons together, and we will miss your jokes, but your adventure has just begun. I’ll see you in the other realm, Grimy .
Davina and Deborah, the Spotty Ones, who lived for many years in Digbys clock.
You passed on only last week, whilst attempting to swing from one of the clocks arms. Davina, your cousin told me all about it. Your body splatted into Deborah, and it was tragic, a circus gone wrong. A truly beautiful way to die. I’m jealous. See you in the other realm, girls.
Horrible Krinkle Tinkle the Third, a gypsy spider who often changed his location, but was last seen being consumed by one of Dumorneys hideous and carnivorous plants.
You were the oldest and biggest spider of all, who everybody loved to hate. Some people thought you were actually an acromantula, who just hadn’t had his growth spurt yet. But I knew you better; Krinkle was the King of Spiders for some time, and it’s thanks to Krinkle that the spider colonies of Hogwars are booming. What a trooper. Krinkle, your old webs will be missed, but the realm has gained royalty.
Yes, I know, this is all too beautiful to behold. So much death in one article. Remember, a spider a day keeps the bugs away. Thank you, spiders, for everything. I’ll see you soon. Very soon.