Professor Finnian Caldwell
Article by Ash Lee
I met with the Divinations professor after class and started with a pretty common question about why people do the work they do. “Why did you decide to come teach here? Which of you decided first?”
Professor Caldwell: By ‘you’, should I assume you mean my husbands, Ms. Lee? Should that be the case, then I shall claim responsibility for being the instigator of the decision. Whether or not Marron and Kitteridge would agree, however, cannot I say. As for why? That is harder to explain, I suppose. At it’s core, however, I would say the decision was made on the the base of shaping the next generation of Wixen to emerge from Hogwarts.
I’m going to put some of this a bit out of order from what I asked since it makes more sense that way and I kind of accidentally shuffled my questions pages in my bag. I asked what it’s like being back here after leaving for school and stuff. And about them all having to share a room when I heard the other professors each get their own.
Professor Caldwell: We are married, Ms Lee. It is fairly common for married folk, whether Wixen, or Muggle, to live with one another. However, we also keep a home in Godric’s Hollow. As for how it is being back in Hogwarts? That is a harder question to answer. It is, most simply put, nostalgic. Although, I admit, I am distressed at seeing the Slytherin table so empty at meal times.
I asked why since I’m pretty sure people are just spread out sitting with their friends. I thought we only had to sit at house tables for the really formal stuff.
Professor Caldwell: It was the same for us. Even so, there is a point of pride involved in seeing our table bare and others filled. The misconceptions regarding House Slytherin has always been a particularly sore point for me. It is refreshing to know that that is not the case for your generation.
He didn’t say what the misconceptions were but that he was Slytherin too so he probably figures I know or it’s not happening anymore so I don’t need to or something.
Then I asked why that specific class and about his favourite type, since he gave us that question for first homework assignment.
Professor Caldwell: The why is simple, really. Because, in my opinion, Divination is often not given the seriousness it is due. Many Wixen consider it a barely tolerable joke, at the best and completely ridiculous, at the worst. I suspect. That the later is due solely to the fact that there are Muggle Mediums who are quite proficient at the art. Sad, that such prejudice remains part of our world, but there is nothing for it, eh? Regardless, the fact remains that I chose Divination because I believe it is an invaluable tool in the arsenal of any responsible Wixen. I favour Tarot with Tassomancy running a very close second.”
During Homemaking Magic, Professor Kittredge Caldwell asked Professor Finnian Caldwell if Professor Marron Caldwell takes coasters out from under his mugs. He didn’t really answer, so I asked why he doesn’t like coasters and what kind of tea he likes, since Tassomancy is tea divinations. I don’t think he was expecting it since he took a bit to answer since he was laughing.
Professor Caldwell: Kitteridge, is utterly ridiculous. Adorable, but ridiculous. I have nothing in particular against coasters, Ms. Lee. However, I take immense delight in watching the ginger Professor Caldwell turn six shades of scarlet when I decline to use one. For drinking, I am strictly Earl Grey. For readings, I prefer Oolong. I find it gives a more clear reading and it is what we shall be using in class.”
I asked if he read the rumours. The one about them being a set of triplets isn’t true but there was another about there being ANOTHER Caldwell that just hadn’t started teaching yet.
Professor Caldwell: Would that be a lark. They would have to be a Hufflepuff so we had one of each house. And yes, I have seen the rumours. I decline to comment on whether or not there is a pirate ship and where it might be moored.”
He didn’t say he WASN’T a pirate and saying he won’t say where the ship is. Welp…I’ll let you guys reading this decide what that means.
I asked what it’s like at home since Professor Marron Caldwell teaches muggle studies and said they had some electricity and they with with Professor Kittredge Caldwell who teaches Homemaking Magic.
Professor Caldwell: We do, indeed. Marron is particularly fond of Muggle technology, Ms. Lee. Of course, I have seen entirely too many documentaries on ‘The Doctor’. The man is a menace. I am, however, particularly fond of Disney Plus. Have you seen Descendants? Wonderful show, very entertaining. As for the rest? Our home is as you might imagine? We are three vastly different personalities and that is clearly represented.”
For those who don’t know, “The Doctor” is a character in a bunch of stories about a person who can travel through time and space and to other planets and stuff using a blue phone booth, the blue thing with the door in the Muggle Studies classroom. The Doctor also doesn’t die. Pretty sure they made the show that way since it’s been going on soooooo long and they needed a way to keep going after the actors didn’t want to do it anymore. They just have it in the story that a completely different looking and sounding person is the one that’s there instead after the main character almost dies.
My gramma watches Descendants. That one is a few stories about how all the fairytale villains and sidekicks were put on an island with no magic and not really any muggle technology either. The beginning bit is four of their kids being given a chance to get out the barrier and go to a school with the fairytale princes and princesses’ kids.
I asked how it was different and if Professor Kittredge Caldwell did most of the decorating since they seem to like it so much?”
Professor Caldwell: True. But you will still find a fair measure of Divination tools laying about. And, of course, Marron’s muggle toys. For the most part, Kitteridge tends to the house and I tend to the yard. Marron floats between the two. I am particularly fond of Survivor, as well,” Finn notes. “Muggles are ingenious, really. Of course, that is probably Marron talking.”
I told him I’m not allowed to watch Survivor. My dad doesn’t let me watch it with my cousins because it’s too violet and stuff. I asked if he had a favourite muggle toy, and he got kind of excited to answer.
Professor Caldwell: A lawn groomer, most ingenious, really.. I suppose it might be considered violent for a game show.
At the start of class we had to all put our wands at the front of the room. Since he already agreed to answer questions, I asked if it would be every class or just today and mentioned some of the stuff that’s happened before. Last year there were these cursed trinkets. They turned people older or younger or into animals or a bunch of other things. I think some people thought they had body parts missing. Mostly we were told to not touch them when they did Sunday announcements in the Great Hall but….Last year, it kind of rained them in the Divinations classroom. Some were quick enough to get under tables or do shield spells but not everyone. The professor last year got turned into a dog and was licking a student who got turned into a cat. I don’t think I saw them after that class.
Professor Caldwell: I appreciate that unfortunate events have been known to occur in Hogwarts, Ms. Lee. However, the reasons for wands being set aside are serious. I have heard entirely too many instances of students using their wands for mischief in classrooms. This, to me, is intolerable. And given the fact that a student was cursed in Homemaking Magic earlier in the week? I may be Slytherin, Ms. Lee, but I do not tolerate bullies. That, coupled with the fact, that wands, quite literally, have no place in Divination, made the decision for me. I am not particularly tolerant of pranks, or nonsense, in my classroom. However, given the general reaction this evening, I may reconsider. With the caveat that, upon the sign of pranks or wand use, they will be regulated to the sideboard.
I mentioned that stuff has happened and some people can’t concentrate without them, even if they won’t need them and it’s kind of punishing everyone for what the few who are bullies do. And people don’t need wands to bully.
Professor Caldwell: This is true, Ms. Lee. Disciple, however, is paramount to me as both a professor and a Wixen. Without discipline, we are lost to chaos. It is my hope that such a thing will not be necessary for every class. But the lesson is one I firmly believe to be crucial. Actions have consequences. Consequences that, quite often, involve those who are, in fact, innocent of the ‘offending action’. I understand that you are all upset. And I understand that there are valid reasons for the upset. As I said, once the message is clear, it will likely no longer be required. I am, however, a serious individual in all things. While you are children? You are children learning to use magic– a serious and deadly tool. What kind of professor would I be if I did not go out of my way to instil a measure of discipline in you all, as well?
As for other forms of bullying? I assure you, Ms. Lee, any display of bullying, magical or mundane, in my class will result in the offender being dismissed and barred from returning.
These are some quotes I wrote down from the notes in class.
Questions unuttered gain no answers
Questions are to divination what incantations and wand movements are to regular-use magic. That is important to remember.
I asked if he had more to say about questions and divinations.
Professor Caldwell: I have a great deal to say about that, Ms. Lee. Which demonstrates my point quite keenly, I think. If, perhaps, you had asked ‘How does the framing of a question impact a reading,’ you’d have garnered an entirely different answer.
I sat there a bit waiting for him to say more but he didn’t right away. So I said “aaaannnnddddd???” and looked at him for a bit.
Professor Caldwell: And you did not. Thus the answer you received was, quite likely, not the one you were hoping for? And I assure you, Ms. Lee Divination tools are far less forgiving than I. And that should, one hopes, make it clear how very important it is to ask the question you actually intend to ask. All of that, however, is something we shall be discussing, in depth, in class.
Then he asked ME a question.
Professor Caldwell: Tell me this, is the content of my class, and the methods by which they are imparted so very different from the classes that have been taught before me?”
Ash: There aren’t cursed items in the room? Probably not anyways? And it’s not at midnight on a Monday like Astronomy and pretty sure no one is going to end up in the hospital wing like charms or transfigurations or defence against the dark arts. That was the professor even.
Professor Caldwell: We shall certainly hope not, Ms. Lee. What I can tell you, beyond a shadow of a doubt, is this. While you are all in my care, I will do everything in power to protect you. There will never be a time that I wilfully put any of you in harm’s way. There will never be a time I tolerate any of /you/ putting each other in harm’s way. This is not confined to this class room alone, however. While I shall not pretend to be the kindest of men? There will never be a time that I shall be unwilling to hear and consider what any of you have to say. Nor shall there be a time that I will fail to act should I believe any of you are in danger. I am a firm believer in respect. I will give it to all of you, and I expect it in return.
I asked if he had any specific advice or anything extra to add that I hadn’t asked about.
Professor Caldwell: Remember that magic, while remarkable and entertaining, is a tool, Ms. Lee. It is dangerous, even deadly, and should be employed responsibly at all times. I know that that is a lot to ask of a young person. I will not pretend that I did not pull my far share of pranks when I was a student here. However, I expect more of you all. There is not a single student in my class who I do not firmly believe has the potential to become a great Wixen. However, that greatness will not come without a fair measure of discipline on your parts, as well. I intend to see you all live long enough that I can proudly sit back and tell my great grandchildren that you were my students.
I asked what kind of pranks but he only said….
Finnian Caldwell: That, Ms. Lee, shall forever remain a mystery. Although, there was one time that Kitteridge spent a week with green hair.
That’s the SECOND Professor Caldwell I interviewed. His was the first I pulled out my bag though when I was starting to write these. I had a LOT of pages and stuff since I interviewed both him AND Professor Kittredge Caldwell back to back with only a quick stop in the dining hall to grab a sandwich between.
They said a few things that were pretty similar, even though they weren’t all in the same room. There’s a chance that Professor Marron Caldwell mentioned what I asked, since I did him first a few days before, but I don’t think Professor Finnian Caldwell would have had much time to send a note to Professor Kittredge Caldwell right after.
I think the no wands bit in Divinations was mostly because of what happened in Homemaking Magic class. I’d rather him reconsider letting us keep them with us. Not that it’s a good idea to misbehave, but pretty sure you should avoid it extra around these three since they live together and talk a lot and stuff. And getting in trouble with one might mean getting in trouble with all THREE. Which would be bad.