New cakes, who dis?

h̶e̶l̶l̶o̶ ̶a̶n̶d̶ ̶w̶e̶l̶c̶o̶m̶e̶ Actually, I need a new intro. Something catchy, that people will use on a daily basis, and then others will be like “omg that’s ALOY’S line!” So if you can think of anything, do let me know. I’m a busy girl, so send me your suggestions via owl.

Anyway, for now, welcome back to Aloy’s corner! One might ask, ‘but hey, the second task hasn’t happened yet. What is this all about?’ and I will certainly tell you! This article, lads and lasses, is about cakes. 

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not Marigold Feathersweet. And I for sure am not going to bother myself and search for recipes, or ask the house elves how they make the newly baked cakes. This is too much work. But I’m sure you can approach her, she’s a fourth year Hufflepuff! What do Hufflepuffs do? Well. I wouldn’t know, would I? Or maybe I would. I’m sure they just walk around the castle being; hard working, patient, fair, just, loyal, m̶o̶d̶e̶s̶t̶ (credit to Hogwarts: A History) – OKAY, here, Mrs. Bathilda Bagshot, you are wrong. Hufflepuffs are not modest. At least not the one I’m thinking of.

So, what have we established so far? Don’t bother me with requests, bother Marigold. Send me your suggestions via owl – address is girls dormitory in the Gryffindor tower (duh). Let’s jump straight to the info!

Some time ago a rumour started, that some ingredient was replaced with Niffler poop. Let us once again refer to Fantastic Beasts and Where To Find Them to see what a Niffler is, and whether its poop has any.. Uh.. benefits? I don’t know! I need to make this article long somehow.

The Niffler was a magical beast with a long snout and a coat of black, fluffy fur. They were attracted to shiny things, which made them wonderful for locating treasure, but that also meant that they could wreak havoc if kept (or set loose) indoors. Nifflers in general are usually harmless. (Fantastic Beasts and Where To Find Them, page 34)

I could not find anything about its poop. I assume this isn’t an experiment by our COMC Professor, but just a prank. Not too funny, really.. Anyway. Following that, the house elves have been experimenting with new ingredients (that do not involve poop), and came up with a new sort of cake! It’s different from the ones we’ve seen in the past, and so let me describe them to you, because you can’t get a taste through paper. 

“… So, this cake is safe to eat right?  I mean, who tells someone that there was poop in a cake /right before/ they’re about to eat cake?  Are you demented?  Sorry, okay… let me just..” *gags* “I’ll just put a bit in..” *gags again* “Okay this is like a psychological trick, innit?  Cause now I’m just wondering what the niffler was eating, to make cookie chunks in the poo.”
– Talula Shippe after Aloy Osiris, dueling champion of 2027, role model, pranked her.

It’s a chocolate cake, and as I’m sure we ALL know, chocolate is the best thing in existence. It’s got cream in it, and it’s really sweet, tastes a bit like caramel, but not exactly caramel because I’d just call it caramel if it were caramel. It’s got bits of cookies in it, chocolate chip cookies, so basically it’s got bits of cookies AND chocolate chips in it.

That’s it, really. I didn’t expect Nora to actually have me write an article about this, but there you go. Smell your cakes before eating them, because somewhere there still might be a cake with Niffler poop in it!

Until next time, 

Aloy Osiris, Dueling Champion of 2027, Role Model.