Brooms, quaffles, bludgers, golden snitches, players giving their everything and fans shouting from the bottom of their lungs -amplifying charm included. The number one wizarding sport we all thrill for is here to make you jump on your broom. Calista Earnshaw and Edward Callbeck will bring you this week’s coverage, filled with the excitement and unexpected comebacks that will ultimately shape the scoreboard for this 2032-2033 season.
Without much further ado, let’s jump right into the results!
Pride of Portree V Falmouth Falcons – 720 – 550
Pride of Portree didn’t just beat the Falmouth Falcons; they brought them to class and educated them. Crushing their hopes and dreams with a commanding victory that felt decisive long before the final whistle.
Early on, the Falcons tried to play fast and flashy, pushing aggressive lines and racking up points in bursts. It worked -briefly.
But Portree looked completely unbothered – their keeper Amrishaya Kol even shrugged her shoulders at one point, as if she knew what would come later on-, absorbing the pressure like it was part of the warm-up.
And then, surprise! Portree completely flipped the switch.
Their Chasers slowed the tempo just enough to make Falmouth impatient, drawing mistakes and capitalising on every sloppy pass. Goals stacked quickly, and suddenly the Falcons chasers Lucius Paddon and Declan Byrne were chasing ghosts instead of the Quaffle -ouuuuuu, spookyyyyy.
Bludger control was where Pride really made their point. The Falcons’ attacks kept getting shut down mid-flight, with Beaters Kyo Fujiwara and Lindiwe Ungaro stepping in at exactly the wrong moment for Falmouth, over and over again.
You could practically hear it from the stands:
“Bold strategy”, someone laughed, watching another Falcon get knocked off course. “Shame it’s not working.”
By the time Portree crossed 500 points, the Falcons looked bamboozled. Their Keeper Dale Morris fought hard, but even ‘heroics’ can only delay the inevitable when the defense is folding like lawn chairs. In the end, Morris blamed everyone else but himself, as per usual.
With a final score of 720–550, Portree’s Seeker Marfa Parma ended the match cleanly, sealing a dominant performance that never really felt in doubt.
A confident, almost smug display from the Pride of Portree, and a long and quiet portkey home for the Falcons.
“As if!”
-Marfa Parma, Pride of Portree Seeker, with a confident smile whilst holding the Golden Snitch.
Kenmare Kestrels V Caerphilly Catapults – 610 – 840
What a nice game for the Caerphilly Catapults, indeed!
Little by little, they have been climbing up the ladder and… They have distanced themselves from the bottom of the league, leaving the poor Kenmare Kestrels behind -along with the Ballycastle Bats, but that’s another story.
With over a hundred sixty-three minutes of game, this match was all about one thing: the quaffle. Chasers were the main stars as they, indeed, chased as if their lives depended on it, flying, catching, throwing and scoring -and getting hopelessly bothered if their quaffle hit the hoops or ended on either Keeper’s hands.
The Kenmare Kestrels’ Chasers showed what they were made of, with Abigail Grace Bluetooth on the lead, the Griffin Duo followed suit. The three of them started strong, definitely putting pressure on Caerphilly’s Keeper Hestia Withka. During the first half of the match, the Catapults’ Beaters could barely touch Bluetooth, as she cruised through in pursuit of the quaffle, resulting in a few moments the fans definitely adored. Bluetooth was fast, and so the Kestrels’ scores were going up, up, it seemed it was their moment. Together, it seemed they were glowing. It was going to be, going to be golden.
Until it wasn’t.
With 390 to 450 for the opposite team, the second half of the match hit the Kenmare Kestrels harder. It seemed as if the Caerphilly Catapults had decided it wasn’t their moment anymore.
With the Catapults’ Chasers waking up, the scores had started to suffer some small but noticeable changes. Captained by Gabriella Dudley, the Chasers Trio started to steal the quaffle more frequently, with Elara Quinn and Kasandra Bélanger happily scoring every time someone on the grades yelled ‘Catapultswho?’, just out of spite.
By the time hundred and sixty minutes had passed from the start, the scores marked 610 to 690 for the Caerphilly Catapults, just as a golden glint was seen around the pitch.
Seeker Toutorix Tracy did not hesitate. He flew down as if he was running from a Silencing Charm, extended his hand, and with an impressive jump over his broom, he caught the Golden Snitch, obtaining the victory for his team with a final score of 610-840 and a midfield placement in the league.
“I’m the King of the Wor-!.”
-Toutorix Tracy, Caerphilly Catapults Seeker, just as a celebratory Silencing Charm was cast upon him.
Chudley Cannons V Appleby Arrows – 470 – 400
It seems the Chudley Cannons have been crossing all of their fingers and truly hoping for the best.
Or perhaps they’ve infused Felix Felicis in all of their players? No, they wouldn’t risk a banned substance, right?
It must be just their season, or the players are actually training hard.
Whatever the case, it is really working -legally, hopefully.
Despite the great energy thrown onto the pitch, the Chudley Cannons weren’t off to a good start.
Their game lacked confidence from their Chasers against the precision set by the Appleby Beaters, Ewan MacLeod and Gareth Davies.
Both Beaters managed to keep Consus Król and Casimir Utkin down and away from the quaffle for a fair amount of time, allowing their own team an advantage to score. Third Cannons’ Chaser -Clarity Terrell- managed to dodge more bludgers than her teammates, but even when she scored a few times, the Arrows’ Keeper Hardy Barnes turned out to be a hard wall to go through -in different ways too, as he’s proven in numerous occasions how tough he can get when things do not go his way…
With the Cannons struggling, even when their Beaters were giving their best -not enough- to counterattack the Arrows’ offense, the scores at 320 to 400 for the team from Appleby.
Tensions were high, and at only sixty-three minutes of game, a golden hue was spotted around the pitch.
Both seekers flew like they were being chased by Dementors, and whilst the Arrows’ Captain Everett Butcher seemed to be close to victory, it was the one and only Callum Thorne who seized glory.
The Cannons’ Seeker descended in a show of skill and precision, asserting dominance as he has in previous matches. Thorne saw, Thorne came, Thorne conquered, and Thorne won the game for his team with a final score of 470-400; placing the Cannons right at the top of the league.
That’s right folks, the Chudley Cannons have taken the crown from the Falmouth Falcons this season.
Now, the question is: will they be able to keep it?
“Say hello to my little Golden friend.”
-Callum Thorne, Chudley Cannons’ Seeker, right after the game was finished.
Puddlemere United V Ballycastle Bats – 690 – 860
It has finally happened.
The Ballycastle Bats have finally achieved another victory. After blood, sweat, and tears, the Northern Irish team seems to have finally found a winning combination.
…Or maybe it was the case that they were playing against Puddlemere United.
Whatever it was, it was clear that at least it boosted the morale of the team -although not their position in the league. Still very much at the bottom, unlike Puddlemere, who stands in the mid-bottom.
With a strong start for United, the Bats thought their only chance to -maybe- win was to display a good defense-offense, so they put most of their hopes on their Beaters. Captain Ada Ivers and Blaise Bennet blasted bludgers left and right, preventing a fair amount of quaffles from going through the hoops of their Keeper Marsha Lyon. Even Puddlemere’s Chaser Sora McKellan was prevented from scoring as much as she had wanted -surely she at least scored a pleasant Honeymoon?
For Puddlemere, the loss hit harder than expected. So much, that even the players started to act up when they saw victory could be so close and… So far. So terribly far.
There was a series of catastrophic plays that demanded to be ruled out by the referees.
And they were.
Starting with Puddlemere’s Chaser Jack Jones complaining to his own team’s Beaters for lack of defense, which immediately sparked tension with Grier Madden. United’s Beater seemed to ignore Jones, but amped up his Bludger game during the match. Something that wasn’t good enough for Jack Jones, who decided to take his team’s defense by cobbing -excessively using his elbows to defend/push- the opponent Chasers. His foul was noticed and Green Sparks were sent, putting Jones out for ten minutes.
This only added to Madden’s tension, putting him off his usual mindset, and causing him to make mistakes he -allegedly- wouldn’t do under normal circumstances. So much, that during the last twenty-five minutes of game, he was accused of Blatching -flying with the intent to collide- and Blocking -deliberately putting himself in front of the Seeker-, fouls that ultimately were punished by the referee with double Green Sparks and fifteen minutes on the ground, preventing the Puddlemere United Beater from finishing the game.
That’s now three Green Sparks in a game, Puddlemere United must be fearing the dark clouds that could rain on their parade in future matches.
With a beater down and a score of 690-710 against them, Puddlemere saw their whole life flash before their eyes. Well, maybe not that, but their Seeker Callum McClarken did see the Golden Snitch flash before his eyes and end up in the Bats’ very own Avery Whittle’s hands.
A final score of 690-860 for the Ballycastle Bats in a really tight match, only added to Puddlemere’s despair.
And their fans. Their very loyal hardcore fans; the ones that might feel it right in their soul.
“NOooooooooooOOOoooooOOOOoooooOOOooooooOOOOoooooOOOOoooooo!”
–Algernon Fletch Anonymous Puddlemere United loyal hardcore Fan that might or might not have some betting going on.
Banchory Bangers V Montrose Magpies – 280 – 390
Despite being a relatively short game, the Montrose Magpies heavily dominated with the consistent beating from the beaters that allowed them a hard–violently-earned win over the Banchory Bangers in a bruising, stop-start contest.
From the moment the whistle was blown, it was clear the bludgers would decide the match. Montrose’s Beaters Peter Riches and Kane Curtis took immediate control, driving the bangers off with their tail between their legs. Every time the Bangers tried to push forward it seemed to end the same way: bruises, tears and crying. Although if you ask Ulysses Ellington, Doriend Rayne or Josias Saylor, that never happened.
However, that wasn’t enough to break them – at least not mentally. Physically, bones were broken. Very broken. Thanks Merlin for that Skele-Gro Potion!
The Bangers’ Chasers managed to keep the score respectable, with Rayne and Saylor wooing the fans in a couple of really good displays of quaffle-skill. However, it proved difficult with the Magpies constantly disrupting their rhythm. As the Bangers’ Captain, Ulysses Ellington even motioned to the referees, accusing the Magpies of constant beating, making it impossible to have a clean game, but the only response was ‘use some bruise paste later’ and… Green Sparks for Montrose’s Peter Riches after he focused too much on the Bangers’ Seeker Bryson McConnell. Five minutes on the ground that, really, did not make much of a difference.
As the match wore on, Magpies Beaters only grew more influential -and yes, even after that Green Sparks for Riches. However, they did change their offense for more of a defense approach.
They shielded their Seeker Arethousa Ainsworth during critical moments and opened clear channels for their chasers, who took the chance and performed a constant run of goals in the little time that was left.
With Ainsworth finally catching the Golden Snitch, the score reached 390-280, and the Magpies obtained glory after having full control of the pitch. A well-fought victory and a very spectacular show that lasted exactly forty-nine minutes.
“Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a [expletive].“
-Peter Riches, Montrose Magpies’ Beater about his Green Sparks on this match.
Holyhead Harpies V Tutshill Tornadoes – 710 – 320
It seems the start of 2033 is smiling at the Holyhead Harpies, so far.
Whatever pact they have made with the Quidditch Spirits, it is working.
For how long, however? Unsure.
But for now, their precision, their skills and their formation on the pitch looks flawless.
Strong start of the game for the all-female team, with their three Chasers going all-in. Siobhan O’Connor brought the strategy to the field, leading her co-chasers in different formations that took every fan’s breath away. Fiona Campbell showed off the skill that made her be part of the team: precise passes, quaffles that went through the hoops from the most impossible angles, and an incredible speed of recovery every time she was taken down by the Turshill’s Beaters. As per Jolene Harris, fierceness was her game; her instinct to stop at nothing -even if that might or might not get her in trouble with the referees- and her relentless energy completed the Harpies’ Chasers trio so superbly, the Turshill’s Keeper Lexie Cullen was questioning her whole existence -and abilities to keep, let’s be honest.
The Harpies’ Beating game was -once more- beautifully violent to watch. Both Isla MacDonald and Lillibeth Bennet shined against their counterparts Kip Heath and Cerys Llewellyn, with the Harpies’ bludgers being over 87% more accurate than Turshill’s. It seems they were born to beat -allegedly. On one occasion, it seemed as if both MacDonald and Bennet were aiming for the same chaser -Robert Parsnicky-, but right at the very last second, MacDonald did a double loop and Bennet stayed on a straight line trajectory, resulting in a double beating-bluffing that -unfortunately- included both Parsnicky and Luna George, who happened to just fly into their range.
Aesthetically unhinged, indeed.
With hundred and thirteen minutes into the game, the score did not look good for the Tutshill Tornadoes. It was 710-170 for the Harpies, and the Tornadoes’ fans were starting to get creative with their chants.
“Let’s pretend, let’s pretend!
Let’s pretend Tutshill scored!
Let’s pretend, let’s pretend!
That Cullen gives us hope!”
Perhaps because of their fans’ chants -or maybe because as a Captain certain pride and responsibility comes with the role-, but the Tornadoes’ Seeker Lacey Bolton decided to strategically end the game once and for all. Hundred and fifteen minutes had passed from the start, and a Golden glint was noticed in the middle of the pitch. Bolton dived in, triple loop included, just as the Harpies’ Seeker Kayla Murphy went for it as well.
It was Captain Vs Captain, and -despite the score- the whole stadium stood up and held their breath.
A lightning -yes, just in that very moment, a rare thunderstorm was forming-, a golden flash, a bird, was it Murphy or just fog in the sky?
No.
It was Lacey Bolton, with the snitch in hand.
With a final score of 710-320 for the Harpies, the Tornadoes’ Captain and Seeker ended a painful game for her team and their fans.
After all, why prolong unnecessary suffering?
“Look how they massacred my team!”
-Lacey Bolton, Tutshill Tornadoes Captain, Seeker and their Vengeful Soul.
Wimbourne Wasps V Wigtown Wanderers – 380 – 560
The Wigtown Wanderers delivered a composed and methodical performance to defeat the Wimbourne Wasps, slowly draining the fight out of their opponents before closing the match in style.
The Wasps started aggressively, pressing high and forcing the pace early. Their Chasers Robyn McKowen and Layne Peacock moved the Quaffle quickly through midfield, catching Wigtown off guard with sharp passing and confident finishes that kept the score tight in the opening phase. Even third Chaser Tryphena Beetlegleam showed off why she’s called the ‘glue’ of The Wasps’ trio, as all of her passes ended up in goals scored. Remarkable, really.
Wigtown weathered the early storm and began to assert themselves as the match settled. Beaters Cade Lindon and Aiden Parkin took control of the Bludgers, disrupting Wimbourne’s rhythm and cutting off their attacking lanes. Parkin really proved why his nickname is ‘Death Swing’, as he repeatedly took out the Wasps’ Chasers and Seeker in crucial moments.
With the pressure mounting, the Wanderers’ Chasers found more space, turning defensive stops into swift counterattacks. Shay Clark decided the second half of the match was for her to shine. And she shone. Passes, goals and double-loops were only a few of her skills’ demonstrations. In the end, the quaffle possession was 58% for her and 42% for her teammates Garry Ivers and Babs Paternoster -together.
As the minutes wore on, Wigtown’s superior conditioning became evident. They began to outplay the Wasps consistently, subtly winning the lead, while Wimbourne struggled to respond. Missed passes and rushed shots crept into the Wasps’ play, allowing Wigtown to maintain that slight control.
Even so, by the time the score reached 380-410, the outcome was still undecided. It could have been anyone’s game, and yet….
Wigtown’s Seeker Evie Proudfoot ended proceedings with a clean Snitch capture, sealing a well-earned victory for her team with a final score of 380-560 that was built on patience, discipline, and relentless pressure.
A strong statement from the Wanderers, who looked sharper with every passing minute, while the Wasps were left to reflect on a promising start that ultimately faded.
“Surely you can’t be serious…!”
-Anonymous Wimbourne Wasps after seeing their team being ‘robbed of victory’.