By Jace Hume
Isn’t Hogwarts just stunning in the winter? Towers topped in snow, frost on the courtyards, everyone looking right dramatic like they’re starring in some tragic storybook winter romance. In reality, winter is mostly you fighting for your life on a staircase whilst pretending you meant to do that little skid and slide.
You know me, I’m always looking out for the greater good, my dignity and to avert any horrible fashion clashes. Herein you’ll find, what I consider to be, a practical guide to winter survival. We don’t need the trauma of wrecked books, reputations or worse!
Staircases, nobody tells you the rules.
The staircases are not your mates. They will move. They will pause just long enough to make you trust them. Then they’ll shift at the exact moment you’re carrying something important. There goes your stack of books, hot drink, ice cream or even your precious pride.
Every step you make. Every breath you take. Getting a bit of the over confidence, are you? Just remember any of us can fall down the apples and pears. It’s like the stairs take it as a challenge. Step it like you’re negotiating with one of those odd creatures that we keep discovering. When stepping, take it slow. One step at a time. Focus on the 3 C’s to make it to your next destination. Calm. Composed. Continue.
What if the step grabs your foot or they start moving? Do not panic-run. I repeat, do not panic-run! Panic-running is how you become the story. If you’re late, accept it. Being on time is not worth becoming a headline in the next Owl Post. Or, is it?
Drafty corridors are where your souls leave your body.
Picture this, you’re just minding your own business walking to the next class and you feel a chill run through your entire body as the corridor just turned into a wind tunnel. What will you do? You might start thinking about every mistake you’ve ever made or whether your nose is still attached. But, will any of that help you? I think not.
The best offense is a good defense. Keep your scarf at the ready. If it’s buried in your bag, you’ve already lost the corridor war. Just remember, if you see a first year in a thin jumper pretending they’re fine, do the kind thing. Hot-air is free, yea? In the long run, winter will teach them anyway! Why not show some empathy until they get a feel for just how cold this world can be? Another tip? Walk with a purpose. Get that core temperature up! Don’t overdo it. It won’t stop the cold, but it will make you look like you belong.
Shoes, socks and the squeak of doom.
The castle floors do that trick where they look dry, then you step, and your foot suddenly goes sideways like it’s trying to leave Hogwarts without you. Take heed, Mate! Get a grip and make sure that your shoes do too. Footwear that is fashion-only will set you up to enjoy your fall for shame. What about the hosiery? It matters too. Thin socks make for cold toes. And, cold toes make for bad decisions. If your shoes squeak the paintings will screech! Can’t be sneaking around in those old things. Better learn how to do a few spells to cover the noise. Or maybe you’ll just have to accept that your head of house and them prefects already know your full name. Maybe the detention room has a nice fireplace to keep you warm as you serve your house.
Hands are amongst the forgotten victims.
There’s a lot of humiliating things in life, but trying to look cool when your fingers can’t even hold your wand properly has to be at the top of the list. What’s a kid supposed to do? Gloves are brilliant until you can’t feel what you’re doing. There’s warming charms that can be done on the downlow. Nobody needs to know you’re struggling. Or, how about keeping your dragonhide gloves available. Maybe in your pockets?
What about those frozen supplies? Winter is when your school supplies decide to stop functioning out of spite. To prevent such a tragedy, think about keeping your ink nested betwixt your books inside your bag. If your quill goes stiff, don’t try to warm it by breathing on it like a sad little dragon. That doesn’t help. It only makes you look tragic. Best to keep a spare quill. Not because you’re sensible, but because winter is not kind.
Emergency recovery and what to do after you slip.
If you do fall, here’s the most important part to consider, how you recover determines your social future! Before it ever happens, it’s best to choose your methods. Should you do the confident stand? You know the one, you jump up immediately like you meant to inspect the floor for curses. Or the laugh it off? This works if you’re already likeable. It can be socially dangerous if you’re not. What about the dramatic blame? “That stair moved!” Actually, this could work given some of our steps and staircases. Another choice is the silent escape. Just say nothing, leave quickly, never return to that corridor again. Of course, the paintings might still tell the tale, but maybe they will have mercy on you.
A few final notes from the field. Winter at the castle can be simply breathtaking. But it is also the season of ambushes! From moving staircases to icy stones to the very real possibility of falling in front of someone you fancy. Stay warm. Walk like you’ve got sense. And if you do slip? Just make it look intentional. It’s your story, stick to it!
PS: If you see me nearly fall? Nope, you didn’t.