Quaffles & Bludgers – Matchweeks 1 & 2

Brooms, quaffles, bludgers, golden snitches, players giving their everything and fans shouting from the bottom of their lungs -amplifying charm included. After a year of hiatus, Quidditch has finally returned! The number one wizarding sport we all thrill for. 

Calista Earnshaw and Edward Callbeck will bring you this week’s coverage, filled with the excitement and unexpected comebacks that will ultimately shape the scoreboard for this 2032-2033 season. 

And what a season seems to come ahead! If you own a broom, do grab it, you’re in for a ride! 

Holyhead Harpies V Wigtown Wanderers – 780 – 840

And so it begins…

The Holyhead Harpies seemed as if they’d have the game under their brooms -or wings-, keeping their lead during most of the game. Who would have thought that the Wigtown Wanderers would turn the tables without a hint of remorse? 

Starting up strong, chasers from the all-girls team Jolene Parris and Siobhan O’Connor began what would be a series of catastrophic results for the opposite team. Aided by their third chaser Fiona Campbell, the girls scored the first six goals back to back, as their beater Lillibeth ‘Lil Kat’ Bennet kept the Wanderers’ chasers at bay, whilst Isla MacDonald played on the defense. It took a score of 60-0 against his own team, for the Wigtown’s keeper to start to recover and prove to the world what Mick Mooney was capable of doing. Wanderers’ Captain Garry Ivers also put in some chasing work, and with an impressive Parkin’s Pincer move alongside chasers Shay Clark and Babs Paternoster, scores were added to the board, leaving the game 780-690 for the Harpies after an hour and fifteen minutes on the pitch. 

The game was still up for grabs, as Mooney kept the Holyhead Harpies away from his hoops just enough for it to be a battle of seekers in the air. It was the Wigtown’s seeker Evie Proudfoot vs the Holyhead’s Kayla Murphy. Bludgers zoomed past both, but ultimately it was Proudfoot who emerged victorious, just as beater Aiden ‘Death Swing’ Parkin protected her from a very well aimed bludger from Bennet, sending it back aggressively and hitting the Harpy enough to make her change directions, sealing the final score of the match 780–840 for the Wigtown’s team. 

“Not gonna lie… They had us in the first half…” 
-Proud Wigtown Wanderers fan. 

Ballycastle Bats V Tutshill Tornadoes – 440 – 810

Bad start for the team from Ballycastle, which has probably enhanced their worst fears early in the season. Chasers Avonlea Fox and Deirdre Piper made their best to stand out and score against the Tutshill Tornadoes’ Keeper Lexie Cullen -making this the battle of the Three Beauties-, as they managed to score 190 and 110 points respectively. At least they still looked camera ready, even if they didn’t manage to secure a victory. The 140 points missing were won by their third chaser, Tobin Townsend, who could have possibly done more if he was not trying to flirt with Tutshill’s beater Cerys Llewellyn; always ready to send her bludgers aggressively anywhere but -curiously enough- his face. 

On the Tornadoes’ chasers side, the dynamic play between Luna George and Elliot Nelson paid very well, as their combined scores took their team up to 330 points in the game when Ballycastle was merely on 180. However, it was the energy from Robert Parsnicky -heavily aided by his team’s beaters Kip Heath on the defense and Llewellyn on the offense- that brought the team from Tutshill to an amazing score of 660 to 440, probably making the Bats’ keeper Marsha Lyon question herself if she was still at Puddlemere. It was exactly after eighty-two minutes of game when a very well aimed bludger from Llewellyn, reached the Ballycastle’s seeker Avery Whittle, regaling the perfect opportunity for his opponent to win the game for her team. With an amazing double loop, Tutshill’s Captain Lacey Bolton seeked, flew down and obtained the golden snitch, putting an end to the game –810–440– and to the Bats’ misery. 

So far, at least. 

“Well, I saw Avery going down… And…Truly, it’s simple, sometimes you see an opening, and you simply have to go for it. Or else, it closes, no?” 
-Lacey Bolton, Tutshill Tornadoes Captain and Seeker. 

Kenmare Kestrels V Puddlemere United – 1020 – 180

If there was ever a night to question life choices, it was last evening’s Kenmare Kestrels vs Puddlemere United match — a game that ended 1020–180 and saw Puddlemere supporters leaving the stands looking like they’d just witnessed a funeral… for their hopes, dignity, and Galleons.

The Kestrels were unstoppable, soaring through lightning like it was a training drill. Chaser Abigail Grace Bluetooth moved so fast that everyone came out of the stadium with whiplash. 

Puddlemere’s Beaters -Nickolas Avery and Grier Madden-, usually the pride of their lineup, spent most of the game looking like they were swatting at flies rather than Bludgers. Even the chasers were not present at this game, some saying they caught Sora McKellan dozing off. When Viljo Suvi went down, so did their chances; after all, what are hoops without a keeper?

But the real heartbreak came from Algernon Fletch, a Puddlemere fan we found outside the stadium clutching a soggy betting slip like it was a death certificate.

“I told everyone this was our season,” he said, blinking rain out of his eyes. “Put two hundred Galleons on United. Then doubled it when the bookie laughed. Thought I’d show him. Well—he’s the one still laughing now, innit?” He says while using his soggy ticket to blow his nose. 

When asked how he was taking the loss, Algernon gave a sad little sound that sounded like emotional bankruptcy and despair.

“My wife told me if I bet on them again, I’d be sleeping outside. So… anyone got a spare tent? Or a shed? Honestly, I’m not picky. Even a worn blanket could do the job.”

Nearby, Kestrels fans were cheering, singing, dancing, and even collecting the tears of their enemy -for a potion… Allegedly. Poor Algernon just stared into the puddle beside him as his tears were collected, one by one. 

“They could at least pretend to feel bad,” he muttered. “I’ve lost money, pride, and my new hat to this storm. I should’ve bet on the weather. That’s the only thing that showed up for Puddlemere.”

Appleby Arrows V Caerphilly Catapults – 870 – 570

What. A. Game. 

The chasing displayed by the team from Caerphilly was sublime. At least until the minute sixty-three, when the Arrows broke their strength down, like a chocolate frog stepped on by an unsorted student on their way out of the Hogwarts Express. 

The joint efforts of Captain Gabriella Dudley, chasers Kasandra Bélanger and Elara Quinn -alongside her very own Quinn Crossfire- put the Catapults on a comfortable advantage of 200 to 60, something that the fans of the Arrows took very hard and some ‘booing’ could be heard for their team’s keeper, Hardy Barnes. Unsurprisingly enough, Barnes expressed himself clearly, when he raised two fingers up towards the stands, not bothered at all, as he tried to keep his head in the game. Perhaps in his eagerness to prove the fans wrong, Barnes seemed to start to block more steadily, as the quaffles kept coming. Something he probably owes to Ewan MacLeod and Gareth Davies, as both Arrows’ beaters began to wear down the Caerphilly chasers. Sixty-four minutes of game had already gone by, when the tables had definitely turned, as the Appleby’s chaser Justine McNee aimed and scored, leaving her team at 630-510. 

With the Arrows’ beaters constantly hitting the Caerphilly’s chasers -there was even a red spark for Gareth Davies that eventually got outruled as the referees allowed to ‘keep playing the game’-, there was no surprise when after eighty minutes of game and with a score of 720-570 for the team from Appleby, their seeker -and captain- Everett Butcher eventually caught the snitch, putting an end to the match. Victory that tasted as good as a fresh butterbeer, or as simply seeing your team with a result of 870–570.

“Roses are red, 
The Arrows are pale blue.
To whom it may concern, 
See the results? 
Now kindly [expletive]…”
-Hardy Barnes, Appleby Arrows’ Keeper and part-time Poet.  

Banchory Bangers V Chudley Cannons – 910 – 970
What a show, what a show indeed, ladies and gentlemen.

Banchory Bangers vs Chudley Cannons, not much of a banger for the team of Banchory in the end. The teams were both neck and neck through the game, chasers scoring, beaters beating, and keepers keeping. Who would have expected everyone to actually do their jobs for once, unlike that other team that shall not be named, Puddlemere United. Beater Jotham Pattom stays true to the Bangers’ name, leaving the enemy chasers with crippling headaches from all the beating -hopefully some of them can still walk or at least crawl. However, even with his fantastic skills, it still wasn’t enough to stop the English enemy team. Failing to put down the Cannons’ Seeker, Callum Thorne, was their ultimate downfall. 

The Infamous Callum Throne, moon walked himself to victory. Last-minute determining factor was the calculated dive that made the fans on the grades hold their breath for more than they would like to admit to, even passing out from the lack of oxygen. Only to be magically resurrected as ‘The Oracle’ caught the slippery golden snitch. 

Chudley Fans were overjoyed with the results, some even screaming through the streets shirtless. 

“Callum, 
Callum, Callum, 
Callum, Callum,
Callum, Callum, 
THRO-NE!”

On the other side, the Bangers’ replied to the chants with their own. 
“We lose every week, 
We lose every week, 
You’re nothin’ special! 
We lose every week!” 

Close 910–970 that reached to the Bangers’ hearts, but a loss nevertheless.
Better luck next time! 

Wimbourne Wasps V Pride of Portree – 230 – 510

And the crowd goes wild! What a game this turned out to be. Wimbourne Wasp vs Pride of Portree, a fantastic game to see. It had it all – the dedication, tenacity, model-like player. No, really– fans were practically throwing themselves off the stands for the fresh meat, and they would have done it for as long as it lasted, but it turned out to be a match in just under sixty minutes. 

Clearly the team from Portree did the job, and clearly Keeper Amrishaya “The Chaos” Kol lived up to her reputation of perfect results. 

Who would have guessed that a fresh blood with the name of Leonardo Bernardi could have been so capable in this game? At first, everyone thought he was just a pretty face, but after that game, it was clear he was so much more. Leo definitely lives up to his nickname ‘Fianchetto’, flanking to the side and scoring at all angles. His movement is difficult to predict; one minute, he could be shooting to the closest hoop, next, he’s shooting to the furthest post. Quite confusing, honestly. Ask the Wasps’ Keeper Kjersti Nathalie, if not.

Thankfully, after the match and breaking through all his new adoring fans, we were finally able to get a couple of questions in from him. 

‘How does it feel to win your first match?’ 

“ It feels good. I put in the work, trusted my strategy, and in the end, it paid off. That’s really all there is to it. It was never luck -it was preparation.” 

‘Moving forward, which match are you looking forward to next?’ 

“ I would say a match-up with the Holyhead Harpies would be interesting. I’ve heard about the fierce harpies, known for breaking bones and spirits, but mostly bones, in and out the pitch, actually. The team’s reputation  even makes the rounds in America. The girls seem aggressive, no doubt about it. But people like them tend to rely on intimidation more than adaptation. And once you learn how they move -beaters and chasers mostly-, you can figure out their patterns and set the trap. “

Well, hopefully this new blood knows what he just signed up for, or he might not be having a long life after this…. Or at least working legs. 

However, that’s enough about the new blood now, on to the very impressive seeker work from the winning team: Marfa Parma. No surprise there, after all, once she has you on her web, it’s almost impossible to get out. Sadly for Wimbourne Wasps seeker, Mieke Königsmann, this challenge was a little too much for her this time. One thing to point about her, though, is her determination to do her best even with the odds against; she never gave up, even when bludgers from Pride of Portree’s beater Kyo Fujiwara put her down, sealing the match’s fate.

Very impressive -and short- match indeed. Between the new blood -and his possible future demise…still to be determined- and a brilliant seeker, things are looking up for Pride of Portree.

Falmouth Falcons V Montrose Magpies – 550 – 460

What can we say? Another quidditch dispute between English and Scottish teams that unluckily ended up in disadvantage for the later one, despite being played at their foggy home. However, the team from Montrose was not at loss the whole time. As a matter of fact, they were just ahead on score most of the game, with chasers Silver Summerfield and Lestat Vrykulesti scoring steadily, aided by Cass Audley’s crucial steals from the opposite team. The Falcons did not back down, they fought for the quaffle -with various perfectly timed bludgers from beater Rhys Morgan- and kept with Magpies, just as if they were Nifflers chasing after a shiny piece of gold.

The tension was high, and as Falcons’ chaser Carran Georgeson finally scored 400 to 400, the fans went crazy on the stands, with one even shouting ‘Marry me, Georgeson’. 

From then, every breath counted, and the Falmouth Falcons fans had to hold theirs, as their Keeper Dale Morris failed to protect the next six goals and blamed it on the pitch’s blurry score lines -figures-, indicating there was no way to see a thing with a fog like that. Fortunately, his team’s seeker Dot Townsend saved the day, and the game, as she -unbothered by the fog- dived in and caught the snitch, making the final score 550–460 for the Falcons. 

“Very demure, very mindful…” 
A Falmouth Falcons fan, definitely not mesmerised with Dot Townsend’s skills and charm.