Confessions are something entirely different. Got something you want off your chest? Need to scream it from the Astronomy Tower but can’t? The Owl Post is here to be your metaphorical Astronomy Tower

Confessions, rumours or Questions can be given to our friendly messenger owl that loiters outside The Great Hall, he takes any messages to The Owl Post, just have a few owl nuts handy!

I used to think liking someone was supposed to be simple. Instead, it feels like an exercise in complete frustration. 

I’m realizing that sometimes helping people is a bad idea. 

Yes, I told. But it was a stupid plan that would get people hurt, killed, expelled, or all the above. 

Loyalty means to also be loyal to yourself, your school, and the rules that you are supposed to follow. Not just a group of friends 

I admit it, I crap talked Professor Banks during the summer, She’s a great lady though! How was I supposed to know she’d goose it up! Still sorry!!!!! 

 I don’t know if I can ever trust her again. What sort of person rushes to the Professors and informs on their friends, giving a half-true account that paints them in the worst possible light instead of talking to their supposed friends and finding out the entire truth first?

I feel like someone’s out to get me and I don’t know why.

Her hair is just so distracting, in a good way!

I think Quidditch is stupid.

I like beans.

Yeah, I told on my friends to keep them from going into the Forbidden Forest. I mean, it just makes sense, yeah? 

I think Pumpkin things are overrated.

My Cat would like to confess something “Mew mewmew mew mrowl meow HIISSS”  that is a direct translation of his words. Is translation the right word?

(( Oocly you can use Discord to send  Rumours and Confessions for The Owl Post via Picsy! Just open a DM with her, select “commands” and choose either Rumour or Confession! or hit / then enter and pick which one))

Is it only me, or hasn’t the rain really stopped since we arrived back to Hogwarts? Rocking my bright red wellies, your friendly forager still embraced the weather – and, to my surprise, I noticed something! Many of the seasonal forageables that you can only gather during the warmer months are still having some leftovers around the castle grounds! Maybe it helps that we are not around during the summer, so the castle and its gardens have plenty of time to grow back.

However! There are potions to brew and recipes to try, so here is a last, last, LAST-MINUTE foraging guide for Hogwarts before the last sprigs of summer flowers have withered away! In this guide, I will ONLY focus on the ingredients that you can ONLY harvest during the warmer months! Everything else will be covered in the upcoming autumn foraging guide! Think ahead for your potion-making projects and hobby cooking, and stock up on these ingredients while you still have the chance!

Disclaimer: Especially for the firsties! Always wear reliable shoes when going foraging, and do not forget warm clothing with long sleeves to cover all your skin (nobody wants a scratch from aconite!) and your trusty dragonhide gloves! A basket is nice to have, too!

Unless you haven’t heard it a hundred times by now: UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCE GO CLOSE TO, ENTER, OR EVEN LOOK AT THE FORBIDDEN FOREST! If you need help finding or gathering something, best to ask an older student or a professor for assistance.

Now that we got that out of the way, let’s get going! 

Our first location: the little orchard and gardening plot behind the Greenhouses

I just adore returning to Hogwarts after the summer and getting to work on getting this little plot of paradise ready for the winter! There are also a lot of cooking ingredients to find! If you check the herb planters along the fences, you may find some remaining Lavender and Oregano if you want to use them for syrups or seasonings. Speaking of seasoning – and also as a tip for those vampire-fiends among you – summer is the only season when you may gather Garlic! Thankfully, there is still some to find amongst the rows of vegetables, and you can spot it by its white, bulbous flowers. If you’ve got the aptitude and some sturdy gloves, you can also gather some Chinese Chomping Cabbages.

Through the Greenhouse Gardens

As we walk from the little orchard through the Greenhouses, you can pass by some planters that might still have some useful things for you! I would look out for bugs as well before they draw themselves inwards to the warmth of the castle for the colder months. You can find Hairy Caterpillars chomping on some leaves, or Horned Slugs enjoying some shade or the moisture of the soil. When it comes to flowers, you might still spot some Garlic by its flowers, but during my walk here I also noted some Moly, White Dittany, and Sneezewort. I could tell you that you can easily spot these by their white flowers, except… they all have white flowers! So it will be a great exercise to try to identify them properly! On higher altitudes or near patches of sandy planters, you might also spot a Common Rue.

On the Castle Grounds

As we walk down towards the shores of the Great Lake, you might spot patches of Daisy or the yellow-petaled Dandelion. So be sure to gather some of those! If you are in the courtyard or close to the cold stone walls of our beloved pile of rocks that we call Hogwarts, you might spot a Flobberworm enjoying the cold stones.

Down to the Lake

I’ll leave it up to you where you prefer to gather your waterside herbs, but please be careful not to fall into the water! Or bring a buddy who knows how to swim. Around the shores, you might find Gurdyroot, which looks quite similar to the flower of Garlic. Watersides are also great places to find Asphodel, Cowbane, and Hemlock, but these plants require somebody who has more knowledge in Herbology! It does take a bit of practice to tell the difference between a Hemlock and a Cowbane right away! 

I hope that this hastily written guide was useful! Be sure to gather what remains of summer on the castle grounds while it still has something to offer – and tank up on sunshine while you can!

Sincerely yours,

Muriel Maple

Confessions, rumours or Questions can be given to our friendly messenger owl that loiters outside The Great Hall, he takes any messages to The Owl Post, just have a few owl nuts handy!

I heard a snake prefect telling a badger boy that he needs to stop using Pokemon moves on her. Something about Charm? What is Sweet kiss TM?  What’s a Pokemon?

 So some crazy Slytherin in Herbology class actually decided to bring out her chomping cabbage and her cat in the greenhouse and fed the cat, while PETTING the cabbage!!!

I heard a first year made the Ravenclaw Quidditch Team. Are they just desperate or is she something special? 

I saw a badger and snake couple walking hand in hand to Hogsmeade in the rain talking about first years making the snake a sucker. 

Did you see Tita in DADA when she “died”? Ever So beautifully graceful that veela!

It was 4 AM this Saturday when I woke up to pee, only to find Muriel Maple brewing potions in the dorm bathrooms. Who does something like this?! Why is she so weird?!?!?! 

Rumor has it Jasper may have been seen in Hogsmeade carrying Zen like an actual princess 

Who else saw the little Fairy veela talking to a bush during Hogsmeade weekend?

I heard a Ravenclaw was hanging around the bulletin board while a Badger delivered a confession. Surely that’s just a coincidence right? 

Did you hear that? The grim professor said she is a Dark Wixen. Either she is very open about it or joshing us. Would a Dark Wix really tell us she is? 

(( Oocly you can use Discord to send  Rumours and Confessions for The Owl Post via Picsy! Just open a DM with her, select “commands” and choose either Rumour or Confession! or hit / then enter and pick which one. ))

Professor Everstone (Cozy Witch)

Find a creature, statue, figure that is known for guarding treasures and write one parchment (paragraph) about how would you best them and get to the treasure

Care of Magical Creatures (All Years)

Professor Bane (JettBane Resident)

DRCMC Quiz (( https://linktr.ee/bane_comc ))

Defense Against the Dark Arts (All Years)

Professor Grimstone (SweetPeaNinja Resident)

go tot the library and do some research on a Dark Wixen and how they were, or were not caught and give me a three parchment ((paragraph)) of what you would do if you were an Auror out to catch them “

Ghoul Studies (All Years)

Professor Osmund (Scyth Sabretooth)

https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSeqmTTVcCax8EyKscZ3uyMaBVYQjPM6qhigix3ubHprzdCDDw/viewform?usp=publish-editor

Herbology (All Years)

Professor Dumorney (Ebediyet Snowpaw)

Explain sentience and semi-sentience in your own words giving examples for each. At least two rolls of parchment.

by Quinn Saunders (Third Year Hufflepuff)

So, you’ve just been sorted into Hufflepuff, and I imagine that you’ve already started to explore your new House, at least a little bit by now. If you haven’t, no matter, I hope that this article will go some way towards telling you everything you need to know about Hufflepuff House.  Hufflepuff House was founded by Helga Hufflepuff, one of Hogwarts’ four Founders, and values those who are trust-worthy, down-to-earth (did you know that Hufflepuff House is tied to the element earth?), just, loyal and unafraid of toil.

First, let’s start by talking about where our common room is – [redacted]! How convenient is that? Fancy a snack in the middle of the night? You do not have far to go unlike your classmates from other Houses who must deal with dark, cold corridors with prefects and professors lurking about everywhere waiting to catch students out.

Our common room itself is the nicest of them all, I think. Situated close to [redacted], right next to [redacted] as mentioned previously, it is warm and cozy with a couple of tables for homework or writing letters home and plenty of very comfortable sofas for you to relax in. There is also an abundance of plants in there and it really feels like a burrow with daylight streaming in from above. I feel sorry for students who must climb treacherous staircases to get to their common rooms in high towers or must walk down to dark, cold and slimy dungeons. We couldn’t be possibly better situated!

“Should I be in Hufflepuff?” some of you might be asking. Well, let me tell you something you may not be aware of. When Helga Hufflepuff famously said, “I’ll take the lot and teach them all the same.”, it did not mean that she would take the students that Salazar Slytherin, Rowena Ravenclaw and Godric Gryffindor didn’t want, the ‘leftovers’, so to speak. Rather, it meant that she accepted ALL students regardless of their specific talent.  It does not mean that Hufflepuffs are not brave, not academic or not ambitious. Instead that Helga Hufflepuff valued loyalty, hard work and fairness above everything else. Her words represented her commitment to inclusivity and equality, making Hufflepuff the most welcoming house at Hogwarts. Not only that but our House is the House that has produced the fewest dark wizards! How’s that for a claim to fame? Which leads me onto my next point.

You are walking in the footsteps of many famous Hufflepuffs who went on to shine throughout the Wizarding World. 

Let’s start with Hengist of Woodcroft. He was a medieval wizard, best known for founding the village of Hogsmeade which is the only all wizarding village in Great Britain and is where we all got off the Hogwarts Express a couple of weeks ago. It is also where we will be going next weekend for a treat in the afternoon, provided you have your permission slip of course. I, for one, am very much looking forward to it, my sweets supplies are getting rather low! 

Then there was Bridget Wenlock, a famous 13^th century Arithmancer who was the first to establish the magical properties of the number seven (apparently! Don’t ask me, I’m not very good with numbers although I did manage to pass my Arithmancy exam somehow!).

Minister Artemisia Lufkin was the first woman ever to hold the office of British Minister for Magic, a position she held not once but twice! 

Another famous Hufflepuff was Grogan Stump, and he was one of the most popular Ministers of Magic. He established the Department of Magical Games and Sports as well as the creation of the Beings, Beasts and Spirit Divisions of the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures. He also created protective laws around certain Magical Creatures. 

And last but not least the famous Magizoologist Newt Scamander also the Author of Fantastic Beasts and Where To Find Them. Throughout his adventures and the dangerous situations he faced, Newt Scamander managed to stay true to the Hufflepuff attributes of fairness and integrity.

To conclude, as a Hufflepuff, you can be brave, academic and ambitious as long as you are kind, fair, loyal and hard-working. “The world is your oyster” as they say although I don’t think there are any oysters in the kitchens so don’t get any ideas!

Confessions are something entirely different. Got something you want off your chest? Need to scream it from the Astronomy Tower but can’t? The Owl Post is here to be your metaphorical Astronomy Tower

Confessions, rumours or Questions can be given to our friendly messenger owl that loiters outside The Great Hall, he takes any messages to The Owl Post, just have a few owl nuts handy!

Sometimes, I like to think of myself as a bear. Quiet, doing my own thing, but backed into a corner or provoked I can be vicious. I wonder if that is why I am feeling hungrier lately. Preparing for winter hibernation! 

I am confused about him.

I love bringing snacks for all the first years so they know they are seen

I like talking to plants because they talk back. 

I have my eye on you.

If you make her cry I will hex you.

I know a spell most people don’t NEENEERR!

(( Oocly you can use Discord to send  Rumours and Confessions for The Owl Post via Picsy! Just open a DM with her, select “commands” and choose either Rumour or Confession! or hit / then enter and pick which one))

Confessions, rumours or Questions can be given to our friendly messenger owl that loiters outside The Great Hall, he takes any messages to The Owl Post, just have a few owl nuts handy!

 I was at the Morris Quad birthday party when one of the birthday girls may or may not have been seen blushing profusely when a certain Ravenclaw arrived. The poor Eagle was pummeled with a water balloon by her very talented brother, who really should try out for the Quidditch Team!

Rumor has it that a certain blonde Eagle only brought ONE gift to the quad’s birthday party. How rude! 

The creepy librarian hates cats AND KIDS.  I heard she is a ministry spy!

If you don’t fear Professor Vikander he will tell you about half his face. Nightmares mate 

If you thought the castle ghosts were shocking, wait until you hear this: a house elf was seen darting through the corridors wearing nothing but undergarments! Keep your eyes open next time you’re walking to class! 

Rumor has it one of the Morris Quads already has a date for the Halloween Bash. Which one, you ask? No idea.

Rumor has it the Eagle Keeper is trying to catch more than quaffles this year. Watch out lads, she’s on the hunt! 

Did you see the curly haired 4th year shaking the Head Boy down for sandwiches? What’s wrong with the food in the Great Hall? 

I heard the head boy has a taste for regurgitated things.

 Did you hear that Not Art fell off his broom onto the roof of the castle? 

I heard Banks is more intense this year because someone insulted transfig in her earshot 

Did Kayli bring a dog to the castle? And, was she using him to cart apples into the kitchens? Inquiring mines want to know! 

Rumour has it that the younger snakes this year are certainly uncontrollable. Fights on the Long Gallery that end with bouquets for one of their cats? Madness.

The paintings are talking about how red a certain fairy badger turned when someone called her a snakes Girlfriend.

(( Oocly you can use Discord to send  Rumours and Confessions for The Owl Post via Picsy! Just open a DM with her, select “commands” and choose either Rumour or Confession! or hit / then enter and pick which one. ))

Advice and other useful information you may wish you’d known before arriving.

Dear First-Years,

First of all, congratulations. You have survived getting your wand, getting stomped on during Diagon Alley shopping, the train, the boats, the Sorting, approximately seventeen introductions to your new housemates and the terrifying realisation that you are now expected to find your way around a castle that appears to have been designed by someone who personally hated straight lines. Welcome to Hogwarts !

It is magnificent. It is magical. It is ancient. It is also confusing, occasionally ridiculous, and absolutely full of opportunities for you to make a decision that will leave you standing in front of a professor trying to explain why there is now a wet soggy cat in your school bag.

Fortunately, I am here.

After extensive research, eyewitnessing corridors events, years of personal experience and a frankly irresponsible amount of listening to other people’s business, I have assembled this – completely – unbiased field guide to your first year.

Think of it as a survival manual, except instead of teaching you how to survive in the wilderness, it teaches you how to find the Great Hall without accidentally ending up in a broom closet, how to avoid being bitten by educational vegetation and why the phrase “I wonder what this does?” should probably be removed from your vocabulary immediately.

Please read carefully. I know this article is stupidly long, and I’m sorry in advance to add to your homework pile, but this is public service, Owl Post duty. You will thank me later, as it may prevent some of you from becoming a cautionary tale before Halloween.

First things first : Who’s in charge of this place ?

Let’s begin with the important people. Not because I expect you to memorise every member of staff before you’ve learned where the bathrooms are, but because eventually something will go spectacularly wrong and you will need to know who you’re supposed to tell.

At the very top is Headmaster Dickie Richard Crozier, who oversees the school as a whole, makes the big decisions and generally has the enormous task of keeping hundreds of magical children, numerous professors and one extremely old castle functioning at the same time. 

Then there is Deputy Headmaster Archimedes Fetherstonehaghe, ( YES I had to triple check my spelling and NO, don’t ask me to pronounce it out loud, you shouldn’t either, if he ever comes to talk to you, ‘yes Sir’ works fine) who assists with the running of the school and student matters. If you are ever wondering who handles what, remember this useful rule: if it is important, complicated or involves several students doing something they absolutely should not be doing, someone in the administration probably already knows about it.

Then, your Heads of House are particularly important, because they are basically your own official Hogwarts adults. 

Valyria Rask, Head of Slytherin and Potions Master, can be mostly found in the Dungeons. She knows more about potions and ingredients than most people know about themselves, so I strongly recommend not borrowing anything from her stores without permission. In fact, perhaps don’t even look at the shelves too enthusiastically. Just don’t.

Pandora Galagher, Head of Ravenclaw and Divination professor, has her office on the fifth floor. She spends her professional life encouraging students to stare thoughtfully into crystal balls, cards, tea leaves and other objects that probably shouldn’t be stared at for quite that long. Or you can find her playing music or writing songs too.

Juliette Moore, Head of Gryffindor and Art professor, has her office on the seventh floor. She is a very cool art teacher and also remarkably small, which is an excellent reminder that height has absolutely nothing to do with authority. You can be approximately the size of a particularly determined garden gnome and still be terrifying when holding a grade book.

And finally, Danica Priaulx, Head of Hufflepuff and Astronomy professor, resides in the Astronomy Tower. She is, by all accounts, perpetually tired. This is understandable considering Astronomy involves being outside at night looking at stars while everyone else is presumably enjoying the revolutionary invention known as a bed.

Next in the command chain are the Head Students and Prefects. These are older students who have been trusted with responsibility and are there to help younger students, answer questions, point you in the right direction and occasionally prevent you from making your latest terrible decision. They are not professors. They are also not decorative badge-wearing furniture, nor miniature dictators in training. If a prefect tells you that you are running through the corridor, stop running through the corridor.

My advice: Learn the name of your Head of House and a few prefects. Knowing who to ask for help is considerably more useful than standing in a corridor shouting, “I NEED A RESPONSIBLE  ADULT HERE ! “

So, where are you exactly ?

Hogwarts is beautiful. Hogwarts is historic. Hogwarts is also what happens when several centuries of magical architecture are allowed to accumulate without anyone ever saying, “Perhaps we should make a map and stick to it ?” You will eventually learn where things are. Eventually.

The Great Hall is where you eat, gather and stare at the enchanted ceiling when you are supposed to be listening to an announcement.
The Library is where you go when you need information, silence and the sudden realisation that your essay was due yesterday.
The Hospital Wing is where you go when your latest brilliant idea turns out to have been considerably less brilliant than advertised.
The Dueling Room is for supervised magical combat, which means it is absolutely not your personal arena for settling an argument over whose House is better.
The Owlery is where the owls live and therefore smells exactly like a place where a great many owls live. This should not come as a surprise.
The Quidditch Pitch is where House pride becomes approximately twelve times louder than usual, particularly during matches. Even if you don’t play, you’re expected to attend one and lose your voice cheering as you become emotionally invested in a ball thrown in hoops.
The Greenhouses are full of fascinating plants, some of which are beautiful, some useful and some apparently designed by nature specifically to remove fingers.
The Astronomy Tower is excellent for studying the stars and an excellent place to discover just how cold Scotland becomes after sunset.
The Dungeons are darker, cooler and atmospheric, which is either mysterious or mildly alarming depending on how much you enjoy walking around underground.

And then, of course, there are the common rooms. Learn yours. Learn how to get there. Learn how to get there when you are tired. Learn how to get there when you have been distracted by something shiny for twenty minutes. This will save you a remarkable amount of suffering.

There’s many more locations to add, but I didn’t want you to use your whole weekend reading just one article.

My advice: Learn your ways from your dorms to the Great Hall, your classrooms, the Library, Hospital Wing, Owlery, Quidditch Pitch and your usual routes between them. Leave any exploring side quests in the castle for once you master your safe routes.

Your wand is not a toy

I cannot believe this needs saying, and yet here we are. Your wand is not a drumstick. It is not a chopstick. It is not a pointer. It is not a magical version of a Muggle remote control. It is certainly not something you wave at your roommate while announcing, “Watch this.”

Your wand is a serious magical instrument. Treat it with respect. Listen carefully in class, learn your spells properly and do not experiment with unknown magic simply because someone told you it would be “funny”. Do not point it at people for dramatic effect. Do not borrow someone else’s wand because theirs looks “cooler”. Do not use magic to settle arguments unless your idea of conflict resolution involves explaining yourself to a professor afterward.

Magic is brilliant. Magic is powerful. Magic is also not particularly interested in whether you meant to turn your friend’s eyebrows blue or not in the process.

Eyewitness testimony: “He said he knew the spell. He did not know the spell. Someone’s eyebrows were blue until Thursday.” – Anonymous Third year

My advice: Respect your wand. It has considerably more magical potential than you currently have common sense.

Classes are, tragically, for learning.

I know. This is devastating. You came to a magical castle expecting wonders, adventure and possibly dramatic corridor moments. Unfortunately, Hogwarts also has homework. A lot of homework. The good news is that most subjects are actually fascinating. The bad news is that fascination does not exempt you from taking notes and turning in parchments properly. 

After years of rigorous journalistic investigation and absolutely no permission from the faculty, I have compiled some essential academic survival advice. 

In Potions, tie your hair back, no robes allowed in the lab… The last thing you want is loose sleeves or hair strands dangling above a boiling cauldron. Keep your ingredients organised and follow the instructions. A bubbling cauldron is not soup, no matter how suspiciously delicious it smells. If your potion starts doing something the instructions did not mention, stop touching it and find your professor.

In Herbology, remember that plants are living things and some of them have extremely strong opinions about being touched. They may bite, sting, strangle, scream or generally make you regret your career choices. Wear the proper protective equipment (solid earmuffs, and dragonhide gloves are a must!) and do not poke something simply because you are curious. Also, perhaps do not become emotionally attached to a plant before discovering whether the plant feels the same way.

Dark Arts comes with one particularly important piece of advice: DO NOT EAT ANYTHING. If it looks edible, don’t eat it. If it smells delicious, especially don’t eat it. If someone tells you it is perfectly safe, don’t eat it. If someone dares you to eat it, absolutely do not eat it. There is no academic reason for your lunch to be growling. Now, this class is by essence a class that will defy your fears, challenge your ability to stay calm, and, hopefully, alive.

Charms  require concentration, pronunciation and enough confidence to actually perform the spell correctly. Mumbling the incantation and hoping the universe understands you is not a recognised magical technique. If you are unsure, ask. It is much easier to ask a question than explain why your shoes are now attached to the ceiling.

Transfiguration is another subject where improvisation should be approached with extreme caution. Follow the instructions and do not decide that transforming your friend into something funny would make an excellent practical experiment. It will not.

Divination requires an open mind. Tea leaves do not automatically predict death. Crystal balls do not hate you. And falling asleep during a reading is called napping, not “performing Oneiromancy”. Observe, listen and accept you will not always interpret things right. Almost never actually, unless you are gifted.

Astronomy has one essential piece of equipment that nobody lists in the textbook: a jumper. Preferably a warm one. The stars are beautiful. So is having functioning fingers. Oh, and making a “Star chart” or “sky map” is not as fun as the names let you imagine.

In Flying, learn the basics before attempting anything spectacular. Your broom does not care who is watching. Gravity cares even less. Save the showing off until you 1/know what you’re doing or 2/have both feet back on the grounds.

In Art, remember that magical artwork may move, react or otherwise behave in ways normal muggles paintings do not. If something in your masterpiece starts walking around and nobody told it to, perhaps mention that to the professor before it escapes the classroom.

Care of Magical Creatures Class  has a remarkable way of turning a perfectly respectable school uniform into something that looks like it survived a small war. Listen carefully to instructions about approaching anything with teeth, claws, horns, hooves or an attitude problem, and remember that “but it looked friendly” is not a recognised form of creature handling. Also, keep your fingers where your fingers are supposed to be. Creatures have no obligation to return them.

In History of Magic, bring your notes, bring your patience and possibly bring a second personality who can keep the first one awake. This is one of those classes where you may begin the lesson feeling perfectly alert and end it several centuries later wondering what year it is. Write things down even when you are convinced you will remember them. You will not. There is always a date, name or extremely specific historical detail lurking somewhere on the exam waiting to ambush you. My advice: take notes like your future self is going to be very annoyed with you if you don’t.

In Magical Theory, pay attention even when nothing appears to be happening. This is the sort of class where you can spend an entire lesson discussing something that cannot be seen, touched or launched across a classroom. Knowing the secrets behind wandlore or how spells got invented are worth keeping your notes organised while sipping on your tea. 

In Ancient Studies, bring your brain, your notebook and your willingness to discover that people several thousand years ago were apparently just as strange as we are now. Take your time, copy things carefully and don’t rely on guessing because two words happen to look like they might be cousins. They are probably not. 

In Ghoul Studies, bring something warm. No, warmer than that. The classroom is in the Dungeons and has all the welcoming atmosphere of a stone cellar that personally disapproves of body heat. You may enter wearing a jumper and leave wondering whether you have somehow become an icicle. 

In Mythology, remember that “I heard this story once” is not necessarily the same thing as knowing what you’re talking about. My advice: learn the details, remember who is who (#family trees for the win) and when in doubt, blame Zeus privately in your notes. Your professor does not need to know. 

Muggles have some surprisingly clever inventions, some spectacularly confusing habits and absolutely no shame about making machines that beep at you for reasons nobody can adequately explain. Muggles’ studies will help you understand why and how. Don’t assume you already know everything about their world just because you’ve seen a toaster or because you have muggles in your family.

My advice: Take your classes seriously. Ask questions. Take notes. Do your homework. And if your cauldron starts glowing purple when it was supposed to be green, stop stirring and call for help.

The library is wonderful. Behave yourself.

The Library is one of the greatest places in Hogwarts. It contains books. Thousands of them. Books about magic, history, creatures, spells, people, places and approximately every subject imaginable. If you have a question, there is a reasonable chance that somewhere in those shelves is a book containing the answer. And if you can’t locate it, ask the librarian. Treat those books accordingly. Do not shout. Do not run. Do not doodle in the margins. Do not eat over ancient manuscripts. Do not use books as weapons. Do not open a suspiciously ominous book just because it has a suspiciously ominous title. And about the restricted section… Approach with caution, don’t break in (have at least a friend with you for cover). Curiosity is wonderful. So is having eyebrows.

Eyewitness testimony: “I heard someone whisper, ‘I wonder what this does?’ Then the book bit him.” – Anonymous 2nd year Gryffindor.

My advice: Respect the books. They were here before you and, judging by some of them, may be planning to remain here after you. 

Ghosts know things and Portraits have ears, and they all gossip.

Hogwarts ghosts have been here for a very long time. They know the castle. They know its stories. They may know where certain mysterious things are, who used to live where and which staircase has been behaving strangely since approximately 1847. Be polite to them. Ask questions. Listen. Perhaps don’t open the conversation by asking how they died.

Portraits are another matter entirely. Think of them as Hogwarts’ magical social network, except they cannot be muted and apparently nobody has invented privacy settings. Portraits see things. They hear things. They talk to other portraits. They gossip.

A great deal.

Eyewitness testimony: “I told one portrait about my crush. By dinner, another portrait was congratulating me.”

My advice: Ghosts can be useful. Portraits can be useful. Neither should be trusted with information you would not want broadcast across the Great Hall.

The forbidden forest is, remarkably, forbidden.

I feel this one should be fairly self-explanatory. There are two words here. Forbidden. Forest. Not “slightly discouraging woodland”.Not “optional extracurricular activity”. Forbidden. Forbidden means forbidden.

The Forest contains things with teeth, claws, hooves, venom, opinions and, more often then not, a combination of, or all five

Do not go in because your friends dared you. Do not go because you are bored. Do not go because you saw something shiny between the trees. Do not go because someone told you they went in once and “nothing happened.” That last one is particularly suspicious because people who tell stories like that usually leave out approximately ninety percent of the story.

Eyewitness testimony: “We went in because someone said it would be funny. It wasn’t.”

My advice: Admire the Forbidden Forest from the side where the school has decided you should remain. Alive.

Curfew means go to bed

I know what you’re thinking. “I’m old enough to stay up.” No. You’re eleven, maybe just twelve. Go to bed. Hogwarts at night is different. The corridors are darker, the castle is quieter and every shadow suddenly looks suspicious. You do not need to investigate mysterious noises. You do not need to explore because someone told you there’s a secret passage. You definitely do not need to be wandering around at one in the morning because you “wanted to see what Hogwarts looks like at night.” It looks like Hogwarts. But darker.Curfew exists for your safety. That is the official statement.

Now, as a journalist, I feel obliged to report that Hogwarts becomes considerably more interesting at night. Corridors are quieter. The castle feels different. Ghosts wander. Portraits are awake. Mysterious noises become approximately four hundred percent more mysterious when you cannot immediately see what caused them. This is precisely why you should respect curfew. Because the moment you think, “Well, I could just take a quick look,” you are thirty seconds away from wondering why you are crouched behind a suit of armour while a prefect walks past. I am not saying you should sneak around. I am saying I understand why people do. There is a difference.

My advice: Respect curfew. Curiosity is admirable, but not without using common sense. Try at your own risks. Getting caught is significantly less mysterious than you think it is.

Hogwarts is not going to respect your timetable

You have a timetable. It looks very official. It has little boxes. It tells you where you need to be and when. You may even have carefully calculated how long it takes to get from your common room to each classroom. Adorable. Unfortunately, Hogwarts has a timetable too, and apparently its timetable says “let’s see what happens next”.

Hogwarts has corridors that seem to rearrange themselves when you’re not looking, doors that lead somewhere different depending on their mood, and staircases with the moral compass of a particularly mischievous Niffler. One first-year once left the common room twenty minutes early for Charms, carrying a map, a timetable and the confidence of someone who had absolutely no idea what was coming. They eventually arrived at the kitchens, the fourth floor, the kitchens again, and finally a bathroom. They never found Charms.

Hogwarts is very old. Old enough that generations of witches and wizards have had centuries to build things, hide things, lose things, forget things and then invent increasingly dramatic stories about the things they forgot. There are secret passages. Strange corridors. Suspicious doors. Odd objects. Unexplained noises. Moving portraits. Staircases that appear to have developed independent personalities. There are rumours about rooms that appear and disappear, places that nobody can quite find twice and doors that absolutely look like they are hiding something. 

Some of these stories are true. Some are complete nonsense. Some started as nonsense and became true because Hogwarts apparently enjoys encouraging rumours. A mysterious corridor is interesting. A mysterious corridor with a sign saying KEEP OUT is still interesting. It is simply interesting from the other side of the sign. 

My advice: You do not have to solve every mystery you encounter. If a door growls, leave it alone. If the floor whispers your name, perhaps go somewhere else. If a professor tells you not to investigate something, believe them. You can be a great explorer without becoming a great example in a safety lecture.

The bit nobody tells you

Here is the actual bit nobody tells you. You will get lost.You will walk into the wrong classroom. You will forget someone’s name immediately after being introduced to them. You will hand in homework late. You will forget a book. You will call a professor “Mum” at least once if you are sufficiently tired. You will probably stand in the wrong place during an announcement and realise everyone else knew where to go except you. This is normal.

Older students have done it too. Yes, even the terrifying seventh-years who currently look as though they were born knowing every staircase in the castle. They were once first-years wandering around with confused expressions and timetables upside down just like you.

Eventually, you will learn the corridors. You will learn which portraits are helpful. You may even greet them by name at some point. You will learn which staircase is lying to you. You will find your favourite place to sit, your favourite people to talk to and the places where you can go when you need a quiet moment.

Hogwarts is going to be strange. It is going to be wonderful. It is going to be confusing, exciting, occasionally terrifying and probably responsible for at least three stories you will still be telling when you are old enough to complain about students being too loud in the Great Hall.

You are going to get things wrong. You are going to learn things you never expected. You are going to laugh at things that seemed terrifying on your first day. And, eventually, you will probably become the older student telling some poor first-year that there is a secret room behind a bathroom mirror. Please don’t. (Or at least have the decency to tell me first.)

And somewhere along the way, without really noticing it, Hogwarts will stop feeling like an enormous confusing castle and start feeling like home.

Final note

So, First-Years, sorry again for this lengthy article.

Give yourself time. Hogwarts is enormous when you first arrive. Eventually, you’ll know which portrait is grumpy in the mornings, which staircase is likely to betray you and where your friends sit at dinner. You’ll have favourite places. Favourite subjects. Favourite meals. Stories you will tell for years. And one day you’ll see a terrified group of first-years wandering around and realise that you used to look exactly like that. You may even help them. Or laugh first. Preferably help them.

Welcome to Hogwarts.
And do me a favour, try not to become the subject of one of my articles by Christmas.

Violette Twiggs
6th Year Ravenclaw – Collector of Questionable Evidence , Hopeful for a successful Journalism Career, Chronic Scribbler of Things People Probably Shouldn’t Have Said
P.S. : Currently accepting rumours, scandal and mildly suspicious information & Still convinced that staircase is plotting something

Astronomy (All Years)

Professor Priaulx (Bay Quartz)

Homework is two feet on how your telescopes and the Hubble Telescope are no different

Defense Against the Dark Arts (All Years)

Professor VIKANDER (GeorgeVikander Resident)

One Foot of Parchment on a Dark Wizard/Witch from the past 15 years who attacked Hogwarts.

Herbology (All Years)

Professor Dumorney (Ebediyet Snowpaw)

At least two rolls of parchment ((2 paragrpghs)) on what is Herbology

Herbology (All Years)

Professor Riley (AriannavonDracheBlume Resident)

Please research all the spells and potions that might be good for Herbology. List the reason why you think so.

Herbology (All Years)

Professor Riley (AriannavonDracheBlume Resident)

Help Professor Riley name her new pet plant! Voting time! You may only vote once per Character. Please pick your favorite name from the list! https://forms.gle/LsEVZ7FYatR1xKbJ7 This homework had a time limit that is over

History of Magic (All Years)

Professor Livingston (Calliope Deezul)

Read over your syllabus thoroughly and write one parchment on which lesson you are most excited to attend and why. (( Please use the homework submission form: https://forms.gle/ptqbvnHn1Nrukf6t7 ))

Mythology (All Years)

Professor Hargrave (Calisto Hinterland)

Before next class I want three pages on a very important topic. You. Tell me your dreams, your hobbies, where you are from, what you want to be when you grow up, anything you wish to say to let me know you better. Also what would you like to learn in this class.

First-year Hufflepuff Correspondent, The Owl Post

Hello there, Hogwarts! Welcome to our wee feature on all the castle pets. My name is Aaleia Goldstein, but you can just call me Leia. I am a brand-new first year Hufflepuff straight from the Highlands of Inverness.

And now, my very best wee [frog] pal Pipes wants to say hi!

Let me tell you all about her. When I first found her back home, the poor wee thing was so sick it took days nursing her right back to health. Once she got better, she started letting out these bonny, high-pitched, musical croaks. That is why back home everybody calls her the little opera singer!

Our adventures started long before we even reached the school gates, mind you. On the train ride here, I had a bit of a fright because I thought Pipes was lost! She was sitting right in my arms and then jumped down, but I thought she went tumbling to the floor. Some of my new friends in the train compartment were helping me look everywhere for her, until all of a sudden I realized she was sitting snug in my pocket the whole time!

Now that we are all settled in, Pipes just loves to explore every nook and cranny of the castle. She is always poking about, checking out the castle cats, and causing an absolute mountain of mischief wherever she goes. And let me tell you, she always likes to put her wee two cents in on everybody’s conversations like she understands every single word folks are saying.

Keep your ears open when you are walking down the halls, because if you hear a bonny wee opera song, you’ll ken right away that Pipes is up to no good again!

Aaleia Goldstein
Hufflepuff House
Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry