The Daily Prophet – Mischief Managed

Weekly Round Up: 12th June 2033

Saffron Foxclaw — Fri, 12 Jun 2026 22:44:31 +0000

Hogsmeade Hive of Activity

Ongoing illegal magical creature breeding causes increased visibility of the Ministry of Magic in Hogsmeade and the surrounding villages.

The 24th May turned out to be a very busy day as The Ministry of Magic descended again on Hogsmeade to investigate the travellers camp which appeared to have been abandoned by its former residents. Whispers through the village hinted at mutated magical creatures of various amounts of eyes and limbs, and strange skeletons left lying around. Last Friday saw even more activity in Hogsmeade village as a mass clear out of the strange crossbreeds were collected in cages by The Ministry and taken away to an unconfirmed location for testing and investigation.

The Department for the Regulation of Magical Creatures have declined to provide a comment, and the travellers camp remains cordoned off.

International Confederation of Wizards Outshone by Gossip?

Preparations remain ongoing for the International Confederation of Wizards which will be hosted by Switzerland this Summer.

The Bernese Alps will play host to the International Confederation of Wizards this summer. In a recent diplomatic shift Marc-Adrien Leuenberger has just been announced as the new President of the Swiss Magical Council, and will be chairing the summit.

Newly-elected Leuenberger has been unable to shake the gossip and intrigue that has surrounded him, despite his political prowess, having recently been connected to one of the world famous Va-Va-Veelas – though which of the three has not been confirmed. Leuenberger urged for focus to be upon the International Confederation, rather than his extravagant social life, when announcing the key points of discussion for the upcoming meeting.

Concerns surrounding illegal magical creature breeding are no longer confined to the British shores and appear to have spread across Europe and most of North America, and is a key discussion point for the Ministers who will descend upon Switzerland. The fall of the ‘New Kalmar’ Nation is also expected to take precedence after the sanctions upon it have curtailed efforts to expand, and previously annexed lands have begun to be restored.

This reporter, however, is most eager to see which Va-Va-Veela Leuenberger has on his arm for the highly anticipated pre-Confederation gala!

Oh Merlin – The O’Keeffe Report

An independent review into historical claims surrounding Merlin’s involvement in the Mirror Incident of 2030 is to be launched following a Wizengamot debate on the legacy of the famed wizard.

The review will examine the circumstances surrounding the events, the authenticity of historical accounts, and the aftermath of the incident.

A packed chamber greeted this reporter when the Wizengamot met to discuss the renaming of the ‘Order of Merlin’ last month, following an open letter to The Daily Prophet. The 2030 incident at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry had been kept largely under wraps with only the school newspaper reporting, and the hasty exit of the Head and Deputy Head of the school being glossed over with the smooth installation of Richard Crozier, magical historian, and Archimedes Fetherstonhaugh, formerly of the Department of Magical Education, in their places.

The allegations outline a mirror, allegedly created by Merlin, using dark magic to form duplicates of students, whilst retaining their original forms in a world within the mirror. Present in the courtroom, in the capacity of Youth Representative to the Wizengamot, was a student who found themselves trapped in this cursed state. They explained that a portrait of Merlin, and letters from Merlin, told them the mirror-existence was created to protect an artefact.

Madame Aoife O’Keeffe, Department of Magical Accidents and Catastrophes and former Hogwarts Headmistress, addressed the court, highlighting the indisputable fact that a portrait of Merlin would have had to have been painted in the 10th Century. Despite the alleged portrait being magical in nature, it is expected to have decayed over time and therefore O’Keeffe questioned the authenticity of the portrait, and the knowledge it may have provided.

Chief Warlock Alistair Colquhoun suggested to the Wizengamot that the court appoint Madame O’Keeffe to lead an independent review into the incident, citing her experience as a former Hogwarts Headmistress and her current role within the Department of Magical Accidents and Catastrophes. The review is expected to draw upon expertise from across the Ministry, Hogwarts, and the wider magical community, however the terms of reference and the panel are yet to be announced.

A subsequent vote on the proposal to rename the Order of Merlin failed to gain sufficient support, with a number of members choosing to abstain pending the findings of any future investigation. The Wizengamot also indicated its support for temporarily withholding any further awards of the Order until the review has concluded.

The Daily Prophet understands that interested parties may be invited to assist with interviews, evidence gathering, and the establishment of the review’s terms of reference. Further details are expected in the coming weeks. Readers wishing to follow developments are encouraged to continue reading The Daily Prophet for updates as the investigation progresses.

The Daily Prophet will continue to follow developments closely as the review begins its work and seeks to answer some of the many questions that remain surrounding the Mirror Incident of 2030.

Professional Quidditch 32-33 Season Semi Finals

Lex Ashworth — Tue, 26 May 2026 21:38:29 +0000

Brooms, quaffles, bludgers, golden snitches, players giving their everything and fans shouting from the bottom of their lungs -amplifying charm included. The number one wizarding sport we all thrill for is here to make you jump on your broom. Calista Earnshaw and Edward Callbeck will bring you the semi-finals results!

Without much further ado, let’s jump right into the results!

Falmouth Falcons vs Wigtown Wanderers: 760 – 790
The Bodmin Moor Millennium Stadium in Cornwall hosts one of the simultaneous semi-finals of this 32-33 season.

Whilst the Holyhead Harpies and the Chudley Cannons are facing each other up North, Cornwall has received the Falmouth Falcons and the Wigtown Wanderers for a rematch that will dictate who will be worthy enough to qualify for the finals.

Sun, breeze, and the presence of the sea nearby -still, a few miles away- make this the perfect weather for Quidditch.

Last time these two teams faced each other, things didn’t go well for the Falcons. In fact, things went as bad as they could be, as the Wanderers’ Chasers simply dominated the game, finishing with a victory of 820 to 580 for their team.

Today, the team from Falmouth probably wants to do things differently. But, on the other hand, the Scottish team won’t make it easier for them -with only two losses during this season, why would the Wanderers want to not win again?

The Wanderers arrived at the stadium looking calm, confident, and deeply irritating to anyone wearing Falcons’ colours. Meanwhile, the Falcons marched onto the pitch with the kind of determination usually only seen in people trying to win back money they definitely should not have gambled away in the first place.

Both teams have something to prove: The Falcons probably want to recover their high status that was enjoyed at the beginning of the season, and the Wanderers possibly need to reassert their dominance over the English team.

There’s tension in the air already. Falcon’s supporters are insisting that the last match that they faced off was a fluke, despite the scoreline being large enough to qualify as a small government budget. Wanderers fans, meanwhile, have spent most of the pre-game chanting things that are technically true but probably shouldn’t be repeated in front of small children…. Or your parents.

Still, semi-finals have a funny way of ignoring expectations. One brilliant save, one nasty Bludger hit, one Seeker flying face-first into a goal hoop can change everything. And if nothing else, the neutral crowd is hoping for chaos, drama, and at least one commentator completely losing their voice before halftime but never their devilish good looks.

At exactly one o’clock in the afternoon, the Snitch is released, alongside the expectations, hopes and dreams from every fan following the match.

The opening minutes have been chaotic. Pure, beautiful, terrifying chaos. The Wanderers as a team came out aggressively; however, it was their Chasers who attacked first, with Babs Paternoster in the lead. With an energetic triple loop, a bubbly smile, and the confidence of a cunning fox, Paternoster grabbed the Quaffle as soon as it was spotted, flying with high speed, avoiding Bludgers, and giving an acrobatic spectacle of skills that ended probably distracting the Falcons’ Keeper Dale Morris -whom never makes mistakes, according to himself- and scoring the first ten points of the match.

As if this wasn’t enough on the Falcons’ Keeper, both Garry Ivers and Shay Clark followed suit, scoring a couple of goals each for the Scottish team, before the Chasers from Falmouth could even have a go at the Quaffle.

Needless to say, the Falcons’ fans at the stands began to feel their pressure rise.

With twenty-one minutes into the game, the scores were not looking great for the English team, as the Wanderers led 120 to 30, even though their attempts hadn’t been lacking.

Truth be told, the Wigtown Wanderers’ Keeper Mick Mooney was -and still is, at the time of writing this article- a massive force to be reckoned with. He might be small in stature, but perhaps precisely because of that, his movements are even more agile than the average Keeper, providing him with the skill to defend the most unexpected Quaffle-spot.

Of course, he’s only a wizard, and even though he can perform magic, this talent of his is physical only, so there are occasions when the Quaffles go through, despite his biggest efforts.

On the Falcons’ side, things weren’t so bright on the Keeping defense. At one point, their Beaters decided on adopting a much more violent -and morally grey- tactic, called the ‘Two-toe shuffle’. Honestly, don’t ask…. We’re just as confused as you.

Whatever it was, it looked as if it involved tormenting two Chasers from the opposite team at the same time -read below for more information.

Rhys Morgan seemed to have a personal vendetta against the Wanderers’ Chaser Garry Ivers. Every time Ivers tried to score, Morgan was behind him, with a Bludger at the ready, and a nightmare-fueled smirk that would even inspire respect from a Dementor. He was out for blood, and yet, he was taking turns between Bludger-Torturing Ivers and Shay Clark, so the referees wouldn’t single him out.

At the same time, Lachlan Stewart -the Real Lachlan Stewart- was across the pitch performing the part B of the so called ‘Two-toe shuffle’. He seemed to fly dangerously close to Babs Paternoster and rotate towards Shay Clark whenever Morgan wasn’t giving her enough attention -such gentlemen, really. And just as with Ivers and Morgan, every time Paternoster was about to score, Stewart would simply appear to take her down, ready to ruin the Chasers’ dreams, like unwanted Horklumps in a standard Wizarding Family’s garden.

Needless to say, this would only work for the following twenty-two minutes or so. After all, the Wigtown Wanderers also did have Beaters.

And what is more, they had Cade Lindon.

If there is a Beater that inspires ~~terror~~ respect, that is -without a single doubt- Cade Lindon. His cold demeanour is legendary, only paired with his skills. As the Falmouths raised their score on the board, with Chasers Lucius Paddon and Declan Byrne performing some plays that were slightly interesting, Lindon was focused on multiplying himself across the pitch.

If Ivers was attacked, he was trying to defend him, but as he did so, Paternoster or Clark were left unattended, causing the Beater to maybe question his own judgement -Note from the reporters: ‘Allegedly, he probably doesn’t question himself, we definitely know he’s wise on his plays’.

Whatever the case, Lindon decided to switch broom-gears then, taking‘the best defense is a good offense’ saying to heart, as he decided to make the Falmouth Falcons’ Beaters his prey instead.

By then, an hour and six minutes had passed since the game started, and the scores were stable on both sides, with 610 to 570 for the Wanderers.

Unluckily for the team from Falmouth, when Lindon decided to activate his Battle Mode, their fate was already decided. With Rhys Morgan and Lachlan Stewart -the real Lachlan Stewart- being pursued by Cade Lindon, the Falmouth Falcons pretty much lost their Beaters.

Not physically, but mentally -and maybe in spirit too.

After all, when an emotionless wizard follows someone with a bat on his hand, the outcome is probably not good.
For his victims.

In this case, -and in the name of Quidditch-, Lindon provided his team with an advantage that his Chasers didn’t hesitate to take. Whilst the Falcons’ fans watched in agony -and the Wanderers’ side screamed in ecstasy-, the Scottish team began to create a deeper dent on the scores, raising their side of the boards to 790 to 610.

Perhaps it was that abyss that made Dot Townsend give up and preserve at least her personal pride.

As the game went past the hour and a half mark, a Golden glow could be seen in the distance. Both Seekers dived with perfection. After all, both women prided themselves with their abilities to catch glory.

The Wanderers’ Evie Proudfoot seemed to have the advantage, but in an unexpected turn of events, Lachlan Stewart -the real Lachlan Stewart- freed himself from the claws of Cade Lindon, and made a last attempt to ‘end at least with honour’, as he managed to throw a perfectly aimed Bludger towards Proudfoot, the moment she was about to touch gold -instead, she touched grass. – sheeshhhhhhhhhhh-

Simultaneously, -and with the whole stadium in utter silence- Falmouth’s very own Dot Townsend was on a quest of her own; avoiding Bludgers with poise, dodging other players with grace, and finally extending her hand to capture the Snitch that would leave her team barely out of the finals.

Somewhere in the stands, a baby began to cry, probably projecting what every Falmouth fan -and players- felt at the very moment; inevitably followed by the cheers of joy from the Wanderers fans, who raised their meat cleavers with respect, celebrating the final score of 790-760.

And there we have it: another victory for the Wigtown Wanderers, and another moment of regret for the Falmouth Falcons.

Not as brutal as their last game – or to be more accurate, their meet and greet. Because after all, that’s what it felt like.- But a loss all the same.

To their credit, the team from Falmouth fought harder this time. They made Wanderers work for their bread, goal, every save, and every inch of momentum. Unfortunately for them, making it competitive is technically not how one reaches The Finals.

As the Scottish team celebrated on the pitch, looking every bit like as if they were destined for great things, the Falcons slowly exited with once more….. The walk of shame.

“I couldn’t let them have the last one. My Quidditch Beliefs forbid me to do so.”
-Dot Townsend, Falmouth Falcons’ Seeker and Queen of the Snitch.

Chudley Cannons vs Holyhead Harpies: 480 – 460
The moment we all have been waiting, has finally arrived: a second encounter between the teams from Chudley and Holyhead.

Last time they faced each other, things didn’t turn so well for the Harpies, with fans and the press wondering what would have brought such a mistake so late in the season -let’s all remember, the scores were in their favour, 480 to 440, and then Callum Thorne took the victory away for the Cannons.

This time, their encounter presents itself with a turbulent morning; grey skies and the constant threat of heavy rain, despite the time of the year -one would think that the 17th of May would be a great day of spring, but here in the Yorkshire Moors, things can turn pretty hectic in a matter of seconds.

Whether it rains or not, the fans are already prepared at the Yorkshire Moors Quidditch Stadium, some can be seen with Umbrella Charms ready to go, and others are simply daring the skies to stay as they are.

The stands are evenly divided; gold and emerald on one side, black and orange on the other. For the fans of the Chudley Cannons, to be simply witnessing their team reaching the semi finals, has been certainly a treat they were not expecting. Whether they win or not, surely their fans will still save this memory with fondness in their hearts, as they haven’t been so close to a proper victory since decades ago -even though they did secure a few wins back in the 27/28 season.

As per the Holyhead Harpies’ fans, being here is not something unusual. However, it is clear on their faces that there is a slight concern when it comes to this match, this team they’re facing, and in particular this Seeker called Callum Thorne. The Golden Boy from Cornwall has simply shined throughout the season, and today, he could be the difference between a win and a loss.

At half past midday, both teams have stepped onto the pitch, with Captains Kayla Murphy and Justyn Riley exchanging a handshake, promising to keep things ‘clean’ -whether that ends up happening or not, it is yet to be seen.

With the snitch being released at exactly one in the afternoon, the match has officially started.

It’s the Harpies’ Chaser Siobhan O’Connor who captures the Quaffle first, flying on a quick zig-zag, avoiding the Cannons’ Bludgers, and going towards the scoring zone with haste. There is no hesitation, she performs a double loop and passes the Quaffle towards Fiona Campbell, who thinks of it as if it was some sort of hot potato; throwing it right away to their third Chaser Jolene Parris.

Parris shoots and scores, giving the first ten points to her team, already creating an advantage.

As his hoops are invaded, the Cannons’ Captain and Keeper Justyn Riley passes the Quaffle to his oldest Chaser, Clarity Terrell, who brings the rhythm of the game back into the midfield.

Unfortunately, her flight is interrupted, as a Bludger directed by the Harpies’ Beater Isla MacDonald hits her on the leg, making her lose her balance and the Quaffle.

Whilst the Quaffle was taking its distance from Terrell, the Harpies’ Chaser Fiona Campbell flew towards it and managed to score her team’s second goal. Her exploit was repeated by her teammates, several times, with both Parris and O’Connor scoring for the Harpies and making the distance on the scoreboard grow minute by minute.

The Chudley Cannons didn’t want to fall behind.

However, truth be told, their Chasers weren’t as assertive as the Harpies’, and whilst Clarity Terrell did make up for losing the Quaffle at the beginning, her efforts -alongside with teammates’ Casimir Utkin and Consus Król- felt lacking.

Forty-three minutes after the Snitch had been released, the match saw its first Referee interference, along with heavy spells of rain that began to bother a few on the pitch.

With a score of 250 to 90 for the Harpies, the Cannons began to play slightly more aggressively, making avoidable mistakes that left their fans howling with anxiety. Perhaps the anxiety was contagious, as the Beaters from Chudley began to overextend their actions, throwing more Bludgers than they could afford. Some of these Bludgers repeatedly punished the Harpies’ Chaser Fiona Campbell, as well as their Seeker and Captain Kayla Murphy.

Despite the Harpies’ defense being strong, their Beater Lillibeth Bennet could certainly not teleport from one player to another, and whilst she was saving three, a fourth was being abused by the Cannons’ Beaters.

It was Noëlle Ó Ceallaigh who earned her first Green Sparks on the game -and in her career- for excessive bludgering. Whilst the Cannons’ fans roared in desperation -with chants like‘Referee, let them play! Bludgers make them pay!’-, Ó Ceallaigh served five minutes out of the game.

Things weren’t looking great for the Cannons, and those five minutes helped the Harpies in ways that only extended the difference between the scores.

More mistakes followed through, and the tension could be cut with a Severing Charm between the Cannons’ Chasers, Beaters and Keeper, who seemed to start to feel already defeated.

But as it always happens in a Quidditch match, nothing is truly set in stone until the Snitch is caught.

The Harpies’ forte has always been scoring and beating. As a matter of fact, even after this match, they still remain the highest scorers of the season.

And yet, when it comes to Seeking, a couple of names -or perhaps three- have been brighter than others.

At exactly an hour and thirty-two minutes of game, and with a score of 460 to 330 for the Harpies, the Snitch appeared hovering towards one of the stands.

Whilst the all-girls-team’s Seeker Kayla Murphy dived for it, with Beater Isla MacDonald following her behind, a rogue Bludger ruined her trajectory. MacDonald had been protecting Murphy from the Cannons’ attacks, however, she didn’t calculate the bad luck a rogue Bludger sometimes can bring.

With Murphy down, MacDonald changed her strategy, and committed to take their opposite Seeker out, instead.

But Callum Thorne is not just any Seeker.

Golden Boy Thorne seems to have just found the perfect combination to fly flawlessly. With a double loop, a zig-zag, and a final Sloth Grip Roll -literally putting him upside down-, Thorne seized the Snitch.

The fans at both sides of the grades went speechless.

The gold and emerald side couldn’t believe what just had happened, and were quickly adding the scores.

And as per the other side?

The Orange and Black side remained quiet for exactly six seconds. Six seconds that seemed like an eternity, until one fan dared to scream ‘YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY’. An effortless ‘yay’ that soon was echoed by others.

The Chudley Cannons had won 480-460, and qualified for the finals in a historic season that, without any doubt, Callum Thorne has been carrying with his hands.

On the other hand, -and despite the amount of points scored during these past months- the Holyhead Harpies return home with yet another ‘stolen’ victory, -as some of their members might feel-, once more lacking just an inch of technique to crown themselves with glory.

Then again, there’s always next season, right?

“He’s gold… Our Golden Boy. Literally.”
-Anonymous Chudley Cannons’ Fan, talking about Callum Thorne.

An Open Letter to the Wizengamot

Saffron Foxclaw — Sun, 17 May 2026 19:34:55 +0000

22nd April 2033

An Open Letter to the Wizengamot

I write as a concerned graduate of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry to the Chief Warlock and the Seated Wizengamot.

I write this open letter not as an historian, but as someone who has witnessed the immeasurable harm caused by the wizard known as “Merlin”. I am only just beginning to recover from the trauma inflicted by his actions, and I now petition for the “Order of Merlin” to be renamed in honour of someone truly worthy.

The events surrounding ‘the mirrors’ are now widely known. We are told that many years ago, Merlin created them to protect an ancient power, capable of trapping individuals and replacing them with magically fabricated duplicates.

As the year 2030 approached, students – myself included – found ourselves drawn into these mirrors with something wearing our faces sent back into the world to pull more in. Imagine, for just a moment, how this would feel; the loss of identity and watching a shadow form of yourself walking in your shoes and changing your life. Imagine the pain of not knowing if you are the real version – isolated and stripped of autonomy.

Inside that false world of glass and imitation there was no way out. No magic. No escape. Only a constructed existence, forced to adapt, to survive, and ultimately to confront versions of ourselves in a choice no wixen should ever be forced to face.

Even now, the consequences remain. Some were never returned, and some still remain unaccounted for. And those of us who experienced this curse carry the weight of what was done to us. This is not a closed chapter of our history, but an ongoing and living wound; a wound that becomes torn open each time His name is used, and held as one of the highest honours this country may bestow. For those who suffered this injustice, this name is no longer synonymous with kindness, protection, or wisdom, but with fear, violation, and the loss of sense of self. To continue to elevate His name without question feels like a quiet dismissal of those of us who suffered through His actions.

I do not claim to have all the answers, and if this is a mistaken belief then let it be investigated. But if there is even a chance that the legacy of Merlin is not what was long believed, then we must ask ourselves why we continue to enshrine it without scrutiny. Tradition should not outweigh truth, not without accountability.

I therefore call upon the Chief Warlock and the Seated Wizengamot and, indeed, the wider public, to suspend the use of Merlin’s name pending a full investigation and public vote.

The Ministry’s Response

Minister for Magic, Matthew Soo, has declined to comment on the matter, however a source close to the Minister’s Offices spoke to The Daily Prophet on condition of anonymity.

“Of course the whole Ministry is in uproar with this! But with the elections looming in the next year or so, Soo is obviously sitting on the fence to see what the public actually wants before making a statement for or against! I’ve never seen him so pale before.”

The Daily Prophet has reached out to the Chief Warlock Alistair Colquhoun for response, whilst there is no official statement, the Chief Warlock has confirmed that the Wizengamot will be convened to debate the issue. Whether or not this will be an open debate or not is yet to be seen.

Professional Quidditch Matchweeks 25 and 26

Lex Ashworth — Thu, 07 May 2026 23:07:04 +0000

Brooms, quaffles, bludgers, golden snitches, players giving their everything and fans shouting from the bottom of their lungs -amplifying charm included. The number one wizarding sport we all thrill for is here to make you jump on your broom.

Calista Earnshaw and Edward Callbeck will bring you this week’s coverage, after the season returns after the Easter Holidays! One more week before we jump into the semi-finals!
Without much further ado, let’s jump right into the results!

Ballycastle Bats V Caerphilly Catapults – 920 – 800
If there’s a team that has been on multiple highs and lows during this season, the Ballycastle Bats come to mind, without a doubt.

Once a powerhouse, the Northern Irish team has seen what it really means to be at the bottom of the barrel, with despair as their only companion.

Luckily for the Bats, Lady Fortuna took a subtle interest in them -that, or the allegations on Felix Felicis might be true-, and just like a Phoenix, they rose from their ashes, ending the season on a higher note that looked quite impossible back in 2032.

Their opponents, on the other hand, have consistently stayed in the midfield of the leaderboard, but even if consistency has been their forte, the Caerphilly Catapults still needed to fight for their spot in order to end up as high as they could.

Their powerful and feminine trio of Chasers -Gabriella Dudley, Elara Quinn and Kasandra Bélanger-, started up strong, creating a visible difference on their scores and putting the Catapults with a hundred points of advantage during the first twenty minutes of the game -370 to 270. This situation was prolonged during the following hour, making both team’s fans go absolutely mental, with chants of ‘Fruit-bats! Fruit-bats! Fruit-bats can’t fight these Catapults!’ from one side, and ‘Go mental, go Bats! We fight until they’re gone!’ from the other side.

Ballycastle’s Keeper Marsha Lyon wasn’t impressed with her team’s Beaters -or her own hands-, as both Ada Ivers and Blaise Bennett seemed to let the Catapults’ Trio of Belles score more than they should -allegedly. However, as the match progressed, both Ivers and Bennett -with two T’s- seemed to send more accurate bludgers, and with their confidence renewed; their Chasers Tobin Townsend and Avonlea Fox seemed to catch up on the score. With a fantastic pass from Deirdre Piper, Fox closed the distance with the Catapults 770 to 800, after two hours of game.

It was then when the Golden Snitch decided to stop taunting both Seekers, giving them a chance to catch it. It was Ballycastle’s New Boy Cassian Fleetwood -still replacing Whittle- who found the prize once again, catching the Snitch and winning the game for his team, with a final score of 920-800. Truly, Fleetwood has shown that the Bats do look much better with his presence on the field.

One could even say their luck changed, when Avery Whittle got suspended… Or perhaps it was just a coincidence.

What can be said for sure, is that with this final win, the Ballycastle Bats have ended sixth on the Leaderboard, one place over the seventh spot given to the Caerphilly Catapults who continued their consistency of staying on the midfield.

Ballycastle, their fans and Barny the Fruitbat surely will go on celebrating a victory that meant more than just that, during this 2032-2033 season.

“I’ll take it… And maybe a permanent spot, too?”
-Cassian Fleetwood, Ballycastle Bats’ Seeker and possible permanent replacement to Avery Whittle?

Puddlemere United V Holyhead Harpies – 510 – 760
Puddlemere has proven -again and again- how important it is to just not… Well, give up. One day things can look perfect, and the following one… Not.

This has truly been the voyage of United during this 2032-2033 season so far; climbing up, going down, and up again to at least end with dignity.

With dignity, and with the support of their fans, who loyally stood by their team in every match. Speaking of, a certain Mr Algernon Fletch must be decently happy with his season’s winnings -provided his wife didn’t find an early end to his Gambling career.

For their last game of the season, -because let’s be honest, even with a win, their chances of going into semi-finals were close to null, specially playing against the Harpies-, United showed a cohesive and -dare we say- strong team, that came to the pitch to play and to have fun.

Chasers Sora McKellan and Jack Jones were on point, as they opened the scores of the match, with an easy 20-0 in the first two minutes -in retrospective, one could almost notice the way they had scored was, indeed, too easy. After all, they were up against the Harpies.

After fifteen minutes of game, Ariadne Massey sent Puddlemere’s twentieth quaffle against the Holyhead Harpies’ hoops -along with a white rose, as it is her signature move-, putting her team at 200-0.

It was then when everybody realised the Harpies were doing Harpies Things again.

As if some sort of urgency hit the team from Holyhead, quaffles and bludgers began to change directions, and the points… Well, the points massively increased from the Harpies’ side.

Chaser Siobhan O’Connor opened the scoring season, followed by Jolene Parris and Fiona Campbell, one after the other. And no, they were not only capturing the quaffle, they were taking it from Puddlemere, again and again, as if they were practicing how to steal a Chocolate Wand from a two year old whilst leaving the most emotional damage behind.

Because stealing the quaffle from Puddlemere wasn’t enough, the Harpies’ Beaters charged into battle with specific Bludgers that screamed ‘Haha, cute. You thought you could play’. Isla MacDonald kept United’s Chaser at bay, whilst Lillibeth Bennet was in charge of becoming the worst nightmare of Puddlemere’s Beaters.

Psychological warfare with a touch of modern ‘Quidditch Bloodbath’ at its best.

In the end, the match didn’t last much more than an hour. Around fifty-nine minutes after the start -and with a score of 610-510 for the Harpies-, the Golden Snitch appeared near one of the stands.

Both seekers dived down, but United’s Callum McClarken seemed to struggle with his focus -was that Jolene Parris flying by and smiling at him? Why?-, something that Kayla Murphy didn’t hesitate to take advantage of.

With a double loop and a final boisterous zig-zag, Murphy reached for glory, capturing the Snitch for her team, leaving the Holyhead Harpies with a victory of 760-510, automatically passing to the semi-finals.

The Harpies sit comfortably on the second place of the leaderboard, with nine victories, four losses, and impressive total points scored of 10620 -even more than the Wigtown Wanderers, who hold the first place with ten victories and three losses.

Will they be able to steal the spotlight from the Scottish team, and perhaps cause a bit of psychological damage along their way towards the finals?

Whatever the outcome, it will certainly be a treat to see.

As per Puddlemere United, they fought almost fiercely until the very end. Perhaps next season will bring them a new strategy that will take them further, just like in the old times.

“They… They came in like a wrecking ball…”
-Viljo Suvi, Puddlemere United’s Keeper, who will probably use the break for mental healing.

Chudley Cannons V Kenmare Kestrels – 870 – 670
For a match with this many goals, it was the players furthest from the spotlight, the Keepers and Seekers who quietly decided everything.

Early on, both teams traded scores at a steady pace, but the Keepers kept the game from spiraling into complete chaos. Kestrels’ Keeper Reese Barret held strong through the opening pressure, making sharp, reactive saves that kept the Cannons from running away with it too quickly. Every time it looked like the team from Chudley might break things open, another stop dragged the Kestrels back into it.

At the other end, the Cannons’ Keeper Justyn Riley played a very different game, with less frequent action but higher stakes. When the Kestrels did break through, they were dangerous, forcing clean, difficult saves that had to be perfect, and more often than not, they were.

As the match wore on, the difference began to show. The Cannon’s defense tightened just enough, turning away key chances that could have shifted momentum, while the Kestrels’ Keeper, despite an impressive performance, was slowly being worn down by the constant pressure.

Still, the match stayed within reach.

That’s when the Seekers took over.

Both had been circling for what felt like ages, waiting, watching, refusing to commit too early. The tension built quietly in the background while the rest of the match raged on. Then, in a sudden shift, both dove.

For a brief moment, it looked like the Kestrels’ Seeker Hall Mynatt might get there first, but Chudley’s Seeker Callum Thorne adjusted mid-flight, closed the angle, and secured the Snitch cleanly in one decisive motion.

And with that, it was over.

A match where the scorers filled the board, but the Keepers kept it competitive, and the Seeker finished the job. Quiet heroes, loud result.

With this last win, the Chudley Cannons automatically pass to the semi-finals. Perhaps if their luck and skills continue, they might even make it to the final?

As per the Kestrels, hopefully they can redeem themselves during the next season.

“There’s always next year, and hey! We did have fun along the way! The Beating Way!”
-Blossom Fairbairn, Kenmare Kestrels’ Beater and Motivational Speaker.

Appleby Arrows V Montrose Magpies – 620 – 400
The Arrows didn’t rush this one; they took it.

From the opening minutes, the Arrows played like a team with a plan and the patience to stick to it. Instead of flooding forward, they built their attacks carefully, stretching the Magpies’ side to side until gaps started to appear. Once they did, the goals followed.

The Magpies tried to keep things tight early, matching the tempo and putting together a few solid scoring runs of their own. For a stretch, it looked like they might turn it into a proper contest, trading goals and staying within reach.

But the Arrows never lost control.

Their Chasers Justine McNee, Scotty Moore and Jenson Barnett kept the pressure constant, recycling possession and forcing the Montrose Beaters Peter Riches and Kane Curtis to defend longer and longer sequences. It wasn’t flashy, it was exhausting. The Magpies were made to chase, and eventually, that chase turned into mistakes.

The Bludgers’ pressure only added to it, as the Arrows Beaters disrupted just enough plays to keep the Magpies from settling, turning potential attacks into resets and giving their own side more opportunities to build.

As the score climbed, the gap slowly widened. The team from Montrose kept fighting, but every push forward felt heavier than the last, while the English team from Appleby continued to move with the same steady rhythm.

With the match sitting at 480-400, the Arrows’ Seeker brought it to a close with a clean Snitch catch, sealing a win that was less about bursts of brilliance and more about control from start to finish.

A composed performance from the Arrows; measured, patient, and always one step ahead, while the Magpies were left trying to keep up with a pace they couldn’t quite match.

And out of all, this is what makes this result even harder to swallow.

This is the same Arrows that not so many years ago, crowned themselves as winners of the Eurocup. One can’t but wonder: are the old days gone?

And will they get back to their old glory?

As per the Montrose Magpies… Well. Hope is a good thing to have.

“Could be worse… You know, at least this year our curse is just ending at the bottom of the leaderboard, but I think we’re all keeping all of our extremities?”
-Peter Riches, Montrose Magpies’ Beater and Hopeful Dreamer.

Wigtown Wanderers V Tutshill Tornadoes – 580 – 310
The indisputable top team of the season so far, has been the Wigtown Wanderers. The Scottish team has only had three losses up until now, climbing up the leaderboard steadily, when the Falmouth Falcons least expected it.

For the last match before the semi-finals, the Wanderers seemed to have what might end up as an easy encounter against the Tutshill Tornadoes. With their Chasers Garry Ivers and Babs Paternoster starting up strong, the Scottish team seemed to be on a league of its own against the Tornadoes’ Keeper Lexie Cullen.

Cullen, on the other side, seemed more preoccupied by a section of the stands where a few men in formal attire stood, eyes focused on the match and… Her performance? Is it possible that Cullen is looking for a way out from the Tornadoes?

Whether she was or not, her performance today was not on her top ten, to put it generously; quaffles slipping from her hands, incorrect hoops protected, and focus anywhere else but on the pitch. Compared to her previous games, this has not been her proudest moment -unless she wanted to perform badly to keep herself in the team? Has she finally found a home in Tutshill?

Whatever the case, it cost her team an unfair disadvantage of almost a hundred points, and by the time she tried to correct it, it was already too late.

Whilst the Tornadoes’ Keeper was having a midlife crisis, their Beaters were doing their best to put Wigtown’s players down. Both Kip Heath and Cerys Llewellyn had all hands on board, when it came to grab Bludgers, shoot Bludgers, and land Bludgers -Wigtown’s third Chaser Shay Clark even went to the referees for excessive bludgering, a complaint that ended with a Green Spark for Kip Heath, along with five minutes grounding penalty. With Heath grounded and Cullen not completely focused, the Tutshill Tornadoes had practically given away the match to the Wanderers. Their Chasers had tried -hard-, but every time they closed the distance, the team from Wigtown counterattacked -harder- and doubled the difference, just like a Gemino Curse nobody wanted anything to do with.

After exactly fifty-two minutes of game, both Seekers seemed to suddenly activate their awareness, and not even sixty seconds after, both dived into the depths of the stadium. Unluckily for Tutshill’s very own Lacey Bolton, a Bludger -aimed at her by Wigtown’s Beater Cade Lindon, unsurprisingly- put her down, just when she thought she was touching Gold.

The Wanderer’s Seeker Evie Proudfoot did not hesitate. With a double loop and a confident smile, she captured the Golden Snitch, obtaining victory for her team with a final score of 580-310.
With their tenth victory this season, and dominating the top of the leaderboard, the Wigtown Wanderers proceed to the next stage, where semi-finals will be held soon enough.

The question remains, however: will they be able to keep their crown until the finals?

“Wouldn’t you like to know…”
-Lexie Cullen, Tutshill Tornadoes’ Keeper, when asked where her focus was during the match.

Pride of Portree V Banchory Bangers – 790 – 810
This one started as a shootout and ended as a robbery.

Portree looked sharp early, with their Chasers Valentine Weekes and Noah Hawtrey running the offense like it was their personal highlight reel. Weekes was everywhere at once, setting up plays, finishing them, and occasionally appearing in places physics hadn’t fully agreed on yet. Hawtrey kept things moving smoothly, threading passes through gaps that looked like they were barely real.

For most of the match, Portree’s attack was flowing. Clean transitions, sharp finishes, and just enough control to keep them slightly ahead on the scoreboard.

Then the Bangers’ Beaters showed up to ruin the script.
Jotham Patton and Anah Trengove basically decided Portree’s Chasers were not allowed to have fun anymore. Every time Weekes tried to build momentum, a Bludger politely disagreed. Every time Hawtrey found space, it mysteriously disappeared two seconds later with a loud clang.

It wasn’t subtle. It was effective.

The match tightened fast. Portree kept scoring, but the rhythm was gone—like trying to dance while someone keeps turning the music off mid-step. The Bangers clawed their way back into it, feeding off every disrupted play and turning defense into quick counterattacks.

By the time the score hit 660-790 for Portree, the stadium had fully accepted it was going to end in emotional damage, as it still could go either way.

Enter the Bangers’ Seeker, Bryson McConnell.

While everyone else was busy having a breakdown, McConnell was apparently doing his job. He broke from the pack at exactly the right moment, tracked the Snitch cleanly, and sealed the match with a calm, decisive catch that felt almost rude given how chaotic everything else had been.

Final score: 810-790.

A brutal finish for Portree, who spent most of the match scoring beautifully and still somehow ended up watching the points walk away. The Bangers? They’ll call it resilience, a survival instinct that makes them claw themselves into any sort of hope, even if it is to end on the higher end of the bottom from the leaderboard. Portree will probably call it theft, as it left them knock-knock knocking at the Semi-Finals’ door.

Better luck next season!

“Nah, don’t talk to me…”
-Valentine Weekes, Pride of Portree’s Chaser, when asked for a comment on the match.

Wimbourne Wasps V Falmouth Falcons – 690 – 560
Oh, Wasps. What a tough year for the team from Wimbourne -then again, when isn’t it hard for them?
Big hopes at the start of the season, a few victories here and there, but in the end… It really didn’t even matter.

Facing the Falcons, the Wasps had little hope in winning a match that, for them, it was already doomed from the start.

Little did they know, the team from Falmouth had also suffered a great emotional ‘rollercoaster’ -as the muggles say- when it came to victories and hopes.

With a strong start at the beginning of the season, the Falcons kept themselves at the top of the leaderboard for quite a few games, even undefeated for most of them, until suddenly… Well. Defeat.
Defeat in all shapes and forms, pushing the team lower than they would have wanted.

Curiously enough, this is how this match started as well. With the Falcons showing an extremely strong start and then…

They followed from their brooms as if they were being chased by Dementors -not literally, but boy, if they had fallen, maybe their mistakes would have been forgivable.

Let’s say that after forty minutes into the game, things did not look great for the Falcons, as the scores marked 410 to 230 for the Wasps.

Needless to say, the Wasps’ Chasers had been doing a pretty good job until then -where was this effort during the most part of the season, well that is a mystery-, with Robyn McKowen and Tryphena Beetlegleam being the highest scorers, and Layne Peacock being simply sublime at offering those one-of-a-kind passes.

Their Beaters Emily Thompson and Aoife Murphy also were giving their very best, as if their performance would give them a pass directly into the finals -perhaps they still thought they had a chance? If only they had started to work better a few months earlier…

At the end of the pitch, their Keeper Kjersti Nathalie seemed as if she had grown an additional pair of hands to maintain the quaffle away from her hoops -maybe she did, and what everyone was witnessing was a Skelegro Potion gone wrong?

On the other side, the Falcons were simply struggling. The Chasers were all over the place, with Lucius Paddon making mistakes he -allegedly- wasn’t used to. Their Beaters? Probably trying to find Wrackspurts with their bats rather than bludgers. Lachlan Stewart -The Real Lachlan Stewart- even seemed to actually find some at some point.

As time flew by, the scores changed, still in favour of the Wasps; ninety-three minutes into the match, and they were winning 690-410.

It was then when the Falcons’ Seeker Dot Townsend probably got ‘enough’. A swift look around made her lock on her target: a wild Golden Snitch simply existing up the pitch. She flew like a Golden Snidget, fast as the wind, hand extended and ready to capture the end of a torturous game. She did not achieve victory for her team, but at least, she saved them from embarrassing themselves further.

A bittersweet win for the Wimbourne Wasps, with a final score of 690-560, and a performance that they could have used a few matches ago.

As for the Falmouth Falcons, even with this loss, they automatically qualify for the semi-finals; a fact that other teams -Pride of Portree, anyone?- will probably have an issue or two.

“Honestly? I have to do everything around here…”
-Dot Townsend, Falmouth Falcons’ Seeker and very Independent Girliepop.

Professional Quidditch Matchweeks 23 & 24

Lex Ashworth — Sun, 12 Apr 2026 12:43:13 +0000

Brooms, quaffles, bludgers, golden snitches, players giving their everything and fans shouting from the bottom of their lungs -amplifying charm included. The number one wizarding sport we all thrill for is here to make you jump on your broom.
Calista Earnshaw and Edward Callbeck will bring you this week’s coverage with the special collaboration of Pauline Abbott.
Without much further ado, let’s jump right into the results!

Banchory Bangers v Wimbourne Wasps – 270 – 390
The bottom of the league has surprisingly moved!
Moved as in, they went out to the pitch, and played the game, to at least keep their pride.

The Scottish team from Banchory mounted on their brooms with the decision of an unsorted first year student at Hogwarts -filled with doubt. Only Captain and Chaser Ulysses Ellington seemed to have faith in his team, whilst the fans roared with a mix of support and disdain from the stands. Nevertheless, Ellington managed to keep his Chasers chasing, and both Doirend Rayne and Josias Saylor seemed up to the task, making sure the Bangers were slightly ahead from the Wasps.

Unfortunately, time was not on their side, as the Wimbourne Wasps seemed eager to wrap up the match. Beaters Emily Thompson and Aoife Murphy were always a step ahead from the Bangers’ Chasers, almost breathing on their necks every time they scored, so they could send them down with a bludger or two. Forty-three minutes after this constant chase-beat-down-loop on repeat, the Golden Snitch decided to bless everyone with its presence, in an attempt to make things a little more interesting.

Even though both seekers went out to seek, it was the Wasps’ very own Mieke Königsmann who managed to capture glory. Whilst her flight and movements were graceful, it was her team’s Beater Aoife Murphy’s bludger that helped to seal the deal; sent at the right time and at the right moment towards the Bangers’ Seeker Bryson McConnell. In the end, the victory for this match was for the Wimbourne Wasps, 390 to 270.

Even after this defeat, when it comes to points scored, the Banchory Bangers are ahead of the Wimbourne Wasps, however, with the latter having one less loss, could this be a way to get out from the bottom of the barrel?
A question to be answered soon enough, no doubt.

“Eh… Je… Uh… Not many words I can say… At the end, we… How is it? We.. Eh… We bit the dust, understand?”
-Merrick Fabienne, Banchory Bangers’ Keeper on his team’s performance.

Tutshill Tornadoes vs Puddlemere United – 850 – 880
If patience is a virtue, this match had plenty of it. Why?

Well… Simply because this was one of the longest games of this matchweek.
And it was long because maybe -just maybe- it dragged a little. At some point, the fans began grabbing out their sleeping bags because it looked like they would be there for a few hours -if not days.

The Tornadoes and United locked out into a battle of the death, blood was flying -not really, just adding dramatic flair and entertainment to save our readers from boredom. Or are we, dun dun dunnnnnnn.-

Early momentum swung toward the Tornadoes, who came in fast and aggressive, stacking quick goals like they were trying to stack big galleons. Chasers Robert Parsnicky and Luna George seemed certainly on point, as they threw the Quaffle through Puddlemere’s hoops repeatedly, with the confidence of a team that was -until then- above the team they were facing on this season’s leaderboard. Even their third Chaser Elliot Nelson benefitted from this momentum, as he passed, scored and even sent charming smiles to his fans at the stands.

United didn’t bite.

Instead, they absorbed the pressure and slowed things down, turning the match into something far more methodical. Their Chasers Sora McKellan, Jack Jones and Ariadne Massey began building plays step by step, forcing the Tornadoes to defend longer sequences and gradually wearing them down. Their strategy was not to win by better plays, but to take a page from the Holyhead Harpies’ latest games and wear down the enemy.

From there, it became a war of endurance.

Every time the Tornadoes went on the offense, United chased them down like a heart broken ex -we do not recommend this strategy, the Ministry of Magic might end up involved… What?

Every time a change in the scores was within anyone’s grasp… Nothing happened. Even the die-hard fans began to accept that the fate of this game was going nowhere -especially after three hours and eleven minutes of game and a current score of 400 to 460 for the Tornadoes.

Bludger control shifted constantly, both teams finding moments of disruption but never holding it for long . As the score pushed deep into the 800s, fatigue started creeping in. Passes took a fraction longer. Reactions slowed just enough to matter. That’s where United found their edge.

With the score sitting at 850-730, the Snitch was caught by Puddlemere’s Seeker Callum McClarken, who -finally- ended a five hours and thirteen minutes match that was starting to mess with everyone’s mental health in the stadium. United celebrated with a 880-850 victory.

“Through hardships we find Gold… -En Snitches.”
-Callum McClarken, Puddlemere United’s Seeker and Good Guy In General.

Holyhead Harpies v Chudley Cannons – 480 – 590
When a mistake like this appears, so late in the season, one can’t avoid but to wonder: was it really an error, or perhaps a way to spice things out of boredom?

In all honesty, when it comes to the temperamental Holyhead Harpies, one can never know.
It seems, however, that this game followed the trend of others played during the current matchweeks and it was done in under an hour.

The Chudley Cannons went out into the pitch making a full display of their motto, by crossing their fingers and hoping for the best, as the Harpies had proven to be a mentally unstable -allegedly- team, so far at least.

With their strength focused on their Beaters, the Cannons started a strategic game that aimed to minimise their losses. They knew the Harpies’ Chasers were tough -and so were their Beaters… And their whole team, really-, but perhaps if they planned ahead, they could make a cake out of bread and live to enjoy it.
Beaters Noëlle Ó Ceallaigh and Kathi Cassidy saved their best bludgers for the critical moments, allowing the Harpies to score, but not get ahead further in points.

On the all-girls team side, Chasers Siobhan O’Connor, Fiona Campbell and Jolene Parris were on fire, streaking quaffles through the Cannons’ hoops as if there was no tomorrow. Their own Beaters Bennet and MacDonald seemed to be slightly reserved during this game, and all pointed to defense rather than offense. Despite everything, at forty-seven minutes after the match started, the scores were in their favour, 480 to 440.

It was then when the Golden Snitch appeared and the whole stadium held their breath. The Harpies Seeker and Captain Kayla Murphy dived with haste, only to be taken away by a hesitant but effective bludger sent by the Cannons’ Beater Noëlle Ó Ceallaigh. Although the Harpies’ Beaters seemed to attempt to react, their timing was lacking -which seemed suspicious in a way-, allowing the team from Chudley’s Seeker Callum Thorne reign with confidence, as he double looped, extended his hand and obtained victory for his team, with a final score of 590 to 480.

The Chudley Cannons’ fans exploded in a roar that made the grades vibrate, celebrating the historic victory against the Harpies.
One must wonder, however, what was in the Harpies’ minds letting this victory slip away from their fingers, so late in the season?

A mystery that surely will be solved soon.

Or never.

“He’s blond, he’s tanned, he comes from Cornwall’s coast! Callum Thorne! Callum Thorne! He comes from Cornwall’s coast!”
-Anonymous Chudley Cannons fan.

Falmouth Falcons v Appleby Arrows – 810 – 520
When the league’s most unapologetic teams meet, one doesn’t expect finesse. One expects bruises, broken broom handles, and at least one referee rethinking their career choices. The Falcons and the Arrows delivered magnificently.

The match stretched over two hours. From the moment the whistle blew, the Falcons made their intentions clear. Their motto, ‘Let us win, but if we cannot win, let us break a few heads’, was treated less like a slogan and more like a tactical manual.

The Arrows were hardly innocent. They came in with their own philosophy of ‘Whatever it takes’ and a roster full of players who treat the rulebook as a polite suggestion. In short, it was a perfect storm.

Both teams opened aggressively. The Falcons Chasers pushed ahead with a mix of temper and precision, while the Arrows countered with their usual rule-bending flair. The score racked up fast on both sides, but the Falcons maintained a narrow lead through sheer force. By the 45-minute mark, the score sat at 260-240 for the team from Falmouth.

Mid-match developed into a War of the Beaters. Falcons’ Duo Rhys Morgan and Lachlan Stewart -the real Lachlan Stewart- dominated with elegant manoeuvring and raw power. While the Arrows’ Ewan MacLeod and Gareth Davies fought for their lives with calculated strikes and high velocity. Bludgers flew rapidly, slowing the game’s progress as the healers scrambled to keep players airborne. At the hour mark, the score had climbed to 430-380 for the Falcons.

The Falcons’ Keeper Dale Morris spent most of the match shouting about his ability to ‘never make mistakes’ despite the five goals he let pass his hoops. While his counterpart from the Arrows, Hardy Barnes became an emotional disaster, attempting to fight the Falmouth’s Chaser Carran Georgeson across the pitch after a smug goal celebration. Both Keepers received a warning, neither cared.

By the final stretch, the Falcons had built a comfortable lead, but with the Arrows’ Seeker Everett Butcher on the pitch, nothing was guaranteed. The snitch appeared near the Falcon’s goalposts, and both seekers dove. Dot Townsend went in like an actual falcon, swift, precise, and utterly unbothered. She snatched the snitch cleanly, pulling up with a triumphant grin as Butcher took a bludger to the face, mid dive, leaving a final score of 810-520 for her team.

The Falcons celebrated with enthusiasm. The Arrows left bruised, furious, and plotting revenge. A record number of incident reports were filed by the referees. And the fans? They got exactly what they came for: a bloodbath. A match that only the Falcons and the Arrows could produce.

“You have been weighed, you have been measured and you have been found… Wanting.”
-Dot Townsend, Falmouth Falcons’ Seeker on the Appleby Arrows’ performance.

Montrose Magpies v Ballycastle Bats – 290 – 190
This game… Well… ‘Game’…

Whatever this was, lasted under 30 minutes… And honestly, no one is entirely sure what happened.

The Magpies came out, scored a bunch, and before The Bats could properly blink, they were already behind and trying to figure out which direction they were flying. There were a few goals, some vague attempts at defending, and at least one moment where a fan asked if this was still warm-ups.

At one point, the Quaffle had barely been tossed back into play before it was already sailing through another hoop. The pace wasn’t fast – it was borderline disrespectful. The Bats looked like they were still introducing themselves while the Magpies were already halfway through the job.

To their credit, the Northern Irish team did try to respond, just taking 10-15 business days. There were flashes- quick drive, a couple decent setups- but nothing stuck long enough to actually matter. Every time they looked like they might settle in, the Scottish team had already scored again and moved on.

Then suddenly -at exactly twenty-nine minutes after the start, when the scores were 290 to 40 for the Magpies- Snitch caught. And honestly? By absolutely chance. The Ballycastle Bats’ new Seeker Cassian Fleetwood was turning around to avoid a Bludger, but instead ended up catching a Golden Snitch -unfortunately for his team, really.

Final score: 290–190.
Short. Confusing. Efficient.
The only thing longer than the match was people asking, ‘Did we miss something?’

“Wait… What? The match was today, right…? [Expletive]…! Am I late?”
-Anonymous Ballycastle Bats’ fan.

Kenmare Kestrels v Pride of Portree – 780 – 660
Some matches are fast -no comment. This one… Was not.

The Kestrels and Pride settled into a drawn-out contest where neither side rushed anything, turning the game into a slow burn of pressure, patience, headaches and who would blink first. Early on, Portree looked sharp, moving the Quaffle confidently and keeping things level with steady scoring, much of it coming from Valentine Weekes and Leo Bernardi, whose ‘Fianchetto’ angels continued to make absolutely no sense to the defenders.

The Kenmare Kestrels didn’t panic.

They played the long game, literally. Short passes, controlled buildup, and carefully chosen shots started to add up. Leading that effort was Abigail Grace Ashworth, who dictated the pace with calm precision -too calm, maybe, as if she was guarding something-, picking her moments and converting them cleanly. Instead of explosive runs, it was a steady drip of goals that gradually pushed them enough to almost catch up with Pride.

Portree kept it competitive, though. Every time the gap stretched, they reeled it back in, just enough to stay out of reach. Part of that came from Beater Kyo Fujiwara, who worked relentlessly to disrupt Kenmare’s flow, breaking up plays and buying Portree just enough space to keep fighting and keep the lead.

As the match dragged on, you could see the difference; the Kestrels still looked composed, and Portree started forcing plays. Passes got tighter, shots got rushed, and those small cracks turned into just enough space for the Kestrels to almost catch up with Portree.

Meanwhile, Kenmare’s Seeker Hall Mynatt remained patient throughout, tracking quietly in the background while the rest of the match unfolded.

By the time the score reached 630–660 -with Portree still in the lead-, it wasn’t a blowout, it was a slow, inevitable separation. The Snitch capture came soon after, clean and decisive, as if Hall Mynatt had suddenly decided to wake up and put an end to a match that had been building towards that outcome for a while.

Not flashy. Not chaotic. Just controlled, patient Quidditch from the Kestrels, that paid it off with a victory and a final score of 780-660.

“In the end, the Tortoise won the race…”
-Hall Mynatt, Kenmare Kestrels’ Seeker and part-time philosopher.

Caerphilly Catapults v Wigtown Wanderers – 830 – 710
First, the Holyhead Harpies.

And now… The Wigtown Wanderers?

The top two teams of the league seem to have crashed and burned down as the season approaches to the end.

Alright, maybe that was an overreaction. However, for the Wigtown Wanderers, this match was not what they were hoping for.

With Caerphilly sitting just on the higher end of the midfield, the Wanderers probably thought they had not much to worry about, as long as their Chasers did their jobs.

And for a while, they did.

Chasers Babs Paternoster and Garry Ivers started the scores for the Wanderers, putting their team ahead for the first half an hour of the game. Quaffles were up, down, to the left, to the right, and into the hoops of Caerphilly’s Keeper Hestia Withka, who wasn’t probably liking the way the match was going.

To make it worse -for Withka-, Shay Clark scored an impressive midfield shot that left the Wanderers’ fans with their throats hoarse, as they all celebrated whilst clashing their wands into their meat cleavers -children are not to try this at home without supervision.

Things were looking bright and nice for the Wanderers, as their Chasers kept chasing, Beaters kept the Catapults at bay -mostly Cade Lindon, who probably didn’t even need to throw a Bludger to make his opponents get out of his way, but still did, hitting everyone he needed to- and their Keeper Mick Mooney was saving most of the Caerphilly’s shots with confidence.

And perhaps, just perhaps, overconfidence was their fall down.

A hundred and thirteen minutes after the match started, the scores were in favour of the Scottish team, with 710 for the Wanderers and 680 for the Catapults.

What they didn’t expect, is that their Beater Aiden ‘Death Swing’ Parkin would be grounded for five minutes for excessive bludgering Caerphilly’s Chaser Gabriella Dudley -the judges decided to Green Spark him rather than Cade Lindon, for… Reasons, of course.

With one of their Beaters down, the Wigtown Wanderers lost their momentum, and as the Golden Snitch appeared, chaos ensued. Their Seeker Evie Proudfoot went for the snitch, but got confused as Parkin was about to be released from his ‘Referee Prison’. At the same time, Cade Lindon went to send a Bludger towards the Caerphilly’s Seeker but got intercepted by both their Beaters -Radek Mercer and Jayme Pearce. And in the middle of all of that confusion, the Catapults Seeker Toutorix Tracy saw, reached, grabbed and conquered the Snitch, obtaining victory and a final score of 830 to 710 for his team.

“Haha… Sure, it definitely was Parkin who was sending those bludgers… Hahahahah…”
-Gabriella Dudley, Caerphilly Catapults’ Captain, Chaser and smart girl in general.

Professional Quidditch Matchweeks 21 & 22

Lex Ashworth — Sun, 29 Mar 2026 22:54:11 +0000

Brooms, quaffles, bludgers, golden snitches, players giving their everything and fans shouting from the bottom of their lungs -amplifying charm included. The number one wizarding sport we all thrill for is here to make you jump on your broom.
Calista Earnshaw and Edward Callbeck will bring you this week’s coverage.
Without much further ado, let’s jump right into the results!

Wigtown Wanderers V Montrose Magpies – 810 – 520
The Wigtown Wanderers seem to be firm on their beliefs of keeping themselves at the top of the league -but so did the Falmouth Falcons, and that hasn’t turned out well for them.

Whether they manage to make it to the finals of the British and Irish Quidditch League or not -this summer, stay tuned for the big event with the top teams-, is something that hasn’t been decided yet -although at this point in time, they do stand a very good chance to be there.

With the intimidating air that characterises them, the team from Wigtown in Dumfries and Galloway -on the West Coast- stepped into the pitch of the Ilkley Moor Stadium in Yorkshire, ready to face their opponents, also Scottish, but from the East Coast -sworn enemies, allegedly.

The Wanderers meant business, and having already defeated Pride of Portree, they were ready to assert dominance over the rest of Scottish teams -and the rest of the League, but one must start one country at a time, right?

This dominance was shown early in the game, when Chaser and Captain Garry Ivers scored up to six times in the first three and a half minutes of the match, leaving the Montrose Magpies’ Keeper Myles Burnham potentially thinking of revenge.

As Ivers’ dominance was contagious -his co-chasers Babs Paternoster and Shay Clark benefited from his aggressive strategy, scoring a few points of their own-, the Magpies’ Beaters saw the need for a perfect counterattack, -after all the East Coast shall not surrender to the West Coast. Captain Kane Kurtis swung his bat with precision, and for a moment -around twenty-two minutes of game-, the scoring Wanderers were kept at bay. Simultaneously, Beater Peter Riches took over the defensive side, allowing his Chasers Silver Summerfield, Cass Audley and Lestat Vrykulesti to keep up with the scoreboard, allowing the Magpies to almost catch up with the Wanderers, 510 to 660.

It only took them almost two hours of game.

Alas, the hopes from the Magpies were shattered when the Golden Snitch flew past their Seeker Arethousa Ainsworth; too shiny and too fast for the witch to react in time, just before a very strategic bludger sent by the Wanderers’ Beater Cade Lindon hit her. With Ainsworth down, opponent Seeker Evie Proudfoot saw her path clear: a double loop, a triple zig-zag, the Golden prize in her hand, and a victory for her team with a final score of 810-520.

The Wanderers had done it again.

And after this round, they are the only team on the leaderboard with nine wins under their belts and only two losses.

Now, the question remains: Are the Banchory Bangers afraid the Wanderers are coming for them? After all, they are the last Scottish team left to be beaten by the team from Wigtown.

Or perhaps… Will the Banchory Bangers -truly, almost at the bottom of the board- pull a Ballycastle Bats’ strategy and turn ‘an-almost-sure-loss’ into a ‘sure-victory’?

More to come in the following weeks!

“Really…?”***
-Cade Lindon, Wigtown Wanderers’ Beater.

***: Truly, he did not say ‘Really?’, however the stare given to the press, potentially meant that. The press did not dare to question back. For their own physical safety.

Pride of Portree V Holyhead Harpies – 1040 – 1170
If anyone needed a dose of adrenaline, watching this epic encounter surely did the trick.
With both teams on the higher end of the leaderboard, expectations were set and met.

Just as the game started, both sides of the stadium went into complete silence, as fans -and press all together- wondered whether the Harpies’ strategy would be unorthodox this time as well. As quaffles were sent through hoops and bludgers were beaten, the answer seemed clear: no -or at least ‘no’ for now?

Perhaps the Harpies had finally found a worthy opponent?

Or maybe they just had a lot of fun beating Portree’s Chasers, because after today that’s probably one of the headlines: Leo Bernardi getting hit so often by bludgers, that Pride’s fans are filling paperwork to classify it as a sport within a sport.

According to witnesses -and Leo’s ‘mangled’ face-, the Harpies’ Beater Lillibeth Bennet, -allegedly of course…..don’t need her breaking my legs too- had his name circled, highlighted, and perhaps written in fire. Every time he got the Quaffle and headed towards the Harpies’ hoops, a Bludger mysteriously arrived a second later, like a poorly timed birthday surprise that nobody expected to see -curiously spaced enough to not be classified as excessive beating.

And somehow?

Even with his new found nemesis… He still scored. Repeatedly.
What made the situation even better, was that every time Bernardi was sent spinning, Portree’s veteran Valentine Weekes immediately swooped in, saved the Quaffle, and scored as if to say in spite “And that’s how you actually do it, kid.” -insert extra sass here.

Truth be told, Weekes turned in one of his most polished performances of the season. He read the field beautifully, finished plays cleanly, and seemed to have a sixth sense for when Leo was going to be ‘bludgerly’ assaulted; making out of Bernardi’s disgrace an advantage for his team -and himself.

However, Chasers weren’t the only ones performing well for Pride of Portree.

Pride’s very own Amrishaya ‘The Chaos’ Kol lived up to her nickname with a downright disruptive performance. She shut down attempt after attempt, read the Harpies’ angles perfectly, and punched shots away with flair.

She even outblocked the infamous Biddy Ó Ceithearnaigh by two full saves -which is saying something, because the Harpies’ Keeper is well-known for blocking everything, even guys who approach her.

As both Protree’s and Harpies’ Chasers were busy scoring, Keepers were keeping and Beaters were beating, time flew past, and the match entered their third hour of play, without any major incidents, or any issues at all -sus.

At this point, the Referees probably wanted to go home and relax -pity that their wishes didn’t count.

In fact, when said Referees were about to -allegedly- cast a Major Illusion to pretend they were still there, the match took a twist that no one -hah- expected.
The scores were at 1040 to 1020 for Portree, and whilst the Harpies Chasers Siobhan O’Connor and Fiona Campbell had been doing their work to not let the Scottish team get away with victory, it was Jolene Parris who provoked a questionable winning twist.

As her team was twenty points behind, Parris accused Portree’s Beater Kyo Fujiwara of excessive beating, provoking him with words and gestures that would probably make even some rough sailors blush.

In the heat of the moment, the usually calm, collected and very polite Fujiwara fought Parris back for a second that ended with instant regret; words were said, bludgers were thrown and even a glove flew in between the two players. Why? Reason unknown.

Unfortunately, the exchange between the two resulted in Green Sparks for both, as well as being grounded for five minutes. With one Beater down, Portree was slightly more defenseless than the Harpies with a Chaser down.

It only took three of those five minutes for the match to wrap up. A Golden glint was spotted flying near one of the stands, and as Portree’s Seeker Marfa Parma made a zig-zag movement in pursuit of the Snitch, she was directly hit by a very well timed bludger sent by the Harpies’ Beater Isla MacDonald. With Parma down, Captain and Seeker Kayla Murphy shined bright like a diamond, as she saw, flew, and seized her team’s victory, with a final score of 1170 -1040.

Were Jolene Parris’ actions a mere coincidence?
Or was it an unexpected -and twisted- mind game from the Harpies when they were twenty points lower in order to win an advantage?

A mystery that perhaps will remain unresolved until the end of times.

“Clearly a fan. Bet she wants my autograph and instead of words, uses bludgers. Endearing, truly.”
-Leonardo Bernardi, Pride of Portree’s Chaser, on Lillibeth Bennet’s alleged focused beating.

Ballycastle Bats V Falmouth Falcons – 600 – 580
When thinking about the Falmouth Falcons at the start of the 2032-2033 season, only one thing came to mind: victory after victory.
And it came to the Ballycastle Bats from the start of the same season, the feelings were exactly the opposite: defeat, tears, poor execution and why, oh, why, can’t one never find the pair of a favourite sock when needed?

So, after twenty-two match weeks… What is happening?

Well, Ballycastle seems to somehow have started to turn things around.

Emphasis on ‘started’. They have a long road to go, and not many rounds left; although with the present victory, at least they have solidified their presence on the midfield of the board -unless something really bad happens, like for example someone confirming any Felix Felicis usage.

That would be bad.
Very bad.

And what about the Falcons? They definitely haven’t been cursed -allegedly- by the Wigtown Wanderers. However, one thing is certain: their winning streak is lost, and definitely slowed down. Along with the Chudley Cannons and Pride of Portree, they stand proudly on the top of the board, with seven victories, just under the Holyhead Harpies and the Wanderers.

Curiously enough, this match seemed as if it would favour the Falcons. With the Bats’ performance being an absolute Wild Card, the team from Falmouth thought they’d have this in a bag, pretty much ready to go.

With an impressive offense on the pitch, the Falcons’ Chasers Declan Byrne and Caran Georgeson made it their personal mission to make sure the scoreboard gave them an advantage; and with the help of Lucius Paddon, they certainly achieved their goals -literally.

After exactly seventy-two minutes of game, the Falcons had an advantage of over a hundred points from the Bats: 580 to 450. The Irish team had their Chasers -especially Tobin Townsend- fight for the quaffle as they could, to give their Keeper Marsha Lyon a bit of a breathing rest.

Unluckily for them, the Falcons were not having it, and their Beaters were certainly being the guardian canines -wait, weren’t they birds?- of their hoops. Falmouth’s very own Lachlan Stewart -the real Lachlan Stewart- sent a few strategic Bludgers towards the Bats’ Chasers and Seeker that left the fans in awe, believing their team definitely would get their victory streaks back.

Nothing further from reality.

Unluckily for the Falcons, the Golden Snitch made itself present when they least expected it. Although their Seeker Dot Townsend reacted fast, her actions were not enough to defeat the speed from Ballycastle’s New Boy On The Pitch Cassian Fleetwood. With just a double loop and a clean ‘seeking’ movement, the Bats’ Seeker captured the Snitch and won yet another game for his team, with a final score of 600 – 580.

The joy from the Ballycastle Bats’ fans harshly contrasted with the feelings of pain and betrayal from the Falmouth Falcons ones.
Feelings that probably could be easily summarised with: “And in the end, it doesn’t even matter…”

“Cruel… Cruel, cold and unfair Quidditch World…”
-Anonymous Falmouth Falcons’ fan, probably hiding a tear or two down their face.

Puddlemere United V Caerphilly Catapults – 570 – 750
United held their own for much of the opening stretch, but once the Catapults found their rhythm, the match shifted sharply in their favor, ending in a confident win.

Puddlemere opened with a composed, methodical play, moving the Quaffle with patience and forcing the Catapults to work for every defensive stop. Their early goals kept the pace steady, and for a while the game looked like it might settle into an even back-and-forth.
But then the team from Caerphilly got down to business -and not to defeat the Huns.

The Catapults’ Chasers, led by Elara Quinn, -whose throws carried precision of a marksman- and Gabriella Dudley, -who never misses an opportunity to punish a gap in coverage-, began firing off rapid, coordinated drives. Clean passing sequences, sharp cuts through midfield, and shots curved just out of reach of United’s Keeper Viljo Suvi, that turned a scoring run into two, and then three. Suddenly, the team from Puddlemere began scrambling to slow down the gap they were creating.

United responded with grit, insults and even rocks -allegedly thrown from the grades- just to punch in the goals where they could, refusing to fall completely out of the match. However, the Catapults’ Beaters Radek Mercer and Jayme Pearce, weren’t having it, and tightening the coverage, they made it their personal mission to disrupt long passes and to shut down transition plays. Every United attempt looked harder, tighter, and more forced, as the Catapults’ gap increased.

By the time the score reached 600-570 in favor of the Catapults, the pressure was building rapidly. Both teams’ Seekers swept the pitch in long arcs, shadowing each other with rising urgency. Puddlemere’s Callum McClarken stayed close, keeping the seek honest and giving United hope.
But, of course, that was only until Caerphilly decided to crush their dreams, as their Seeker Toutorix Tracy finally captured the end of the match, with a final score of 750-570.

“Haha, yay! We did it! Very proud of my t-.”
-Toutorix Tracy, Caerphilly Catapults’ Seeker and Permanent Silencio’s victim.

Chudley Cannons V Tutshill Tornadoes – 340 – 660
The Tornadoes wasted absolutely no time showing why they’re one of the fastest teams in the league, tearing through the Cannons in a high-tempo match that never really slowed down -fans’ necks will never be the same after that day.

From the opening whistle, the Tornadoes’ Chasers took control of the pace, with Luna George and Robert Parsnicky running tight formations and punching in early goals before the Cannons could settle into any defensive rhythm. Even Tutshill’s Elliot Nelson quaffle’s movement was sharp, almost annoyingly efficient, and every attack seemed to come from a new angle.

The Cannons did manage to put together a few solid scoring drives, answering with the physical, straightforward style they’re known for, with great plays from Chaser Clarity Terrell. Unfortunately, every time they started to build their fans’ expectations, the Tornadoes came in like a wrecking ball. It was like trying to catch the wind -by the time they reached it, it had already moved.

Bludger control leaned heavily in the Tornadoes’ favor as well. Their Beaters Kip Heath and Cerys Llewellyn spent most of the match disrupting any Cannon counterattack before it could get dangerous, forcing rushed passes and cutting off breakaway chances.

By mid-match, the Tornadoes had built a significant lead, and it only grew as their Chasers continued piling on points. With the score sitting comfortably in their favor, their Seeker and Captain Lacey Bolton finally made the decisive move, spotting the Snitch and locking in a clean catch to end the match at 660–340.

A dominant showing from the Tornadoes -quick, controlled, and impressively…..a step ahead- while the Cannons were left chasing a match that slipped away almost as fast as the Tornadoes flew.

Will the Chudley Cannons position at the top of the leaderboard be threatened after this horror show?

Find out on the following match week!

“It was like seven tornadoes sent seven hard cannons flying away… That ain’t right…”
-Anonymous Chudley Cannons’ fan.

Banchory Bangers V Kenmare Kestrels – 820 – 840
The Kenmare Kestrels and Banchory Bangers delivered one of the closest and most chaotic matches of the season, ending in a razor-thin victory for the Kestrels that had both fanbases clutching their robes until the very last second.

Right from the whistle, both teams made it clear this would be a scoring race rather than a defensive showcase. The Bangers came out swinging, their Chasers Ulysses Ellington and Josias Saylor blitzing the pitch with rapid drives that had the Kestrels’ Keeper Reese Barret question his own sanity. Despite the initial hiccup, the team from Kenmare wasted no time answering back with their signature fluid passing and long-range shots, keeping the scoreboard neck-and-neck.

The match escalated into what can only be described as a goal-trading festival. Every time the Bangers celebrated a score, a grin could be practically seen on the Kestrels’ Chasers as they went right back down the pitch to return the favor: Abigail Grace Bluetooth and the Griffin Duo were simply unstoppable when it came to revenge. The crowd barely had time to process one tally before the next one soared through a hoop.

Bludger battles were fierce but surprisingly clean, with both Beater duos working overtime to buy their Chasers just enough breathing room to keep the scoring frenzy alive -Anah Trengove and Jotham Patton beating on the offensive for the Bangers, whilst Isla MacRae and Blossom Fairbairn went with a more defensive approach for the Kestrels. It felt less like stopping the opposing team and more like trying to outrun them.

By the time the score hit 490–490, the tension was thick enough to slice with a Diffindo. The Bangers pushed ahead, then the Kestrels tied it. Then the Kestrels surged ahead, and the Bangers tied it again, sending fans from both sides into emotional spirals.

Towards the end, it was the Scottish team from Banchory that came ahead 820 to 690, leaving the Irish opposite team with a bitter taste in their mouth.
But just as it happens in many Quidditch games, the entire outcome came down to the Seekers, who had been circling each other like stressed-out hawks for most of the match. When the Snitch finally darted into open air, both launched after it, but it was the Kestrels’ Seeker Hall Mynatt who managed a clean, desperate grab just moments before the Bangers’ fingertips could close around it.

As Mynatt achieved a fantastic victory 840–820 for the Kenmare Kestrels, their fans around the stadium -and outside- howled with joy. After all, that meant moving up towards the lower midfield positions in the leaderboard, whilst the Bangers descended towards the bottom.

“It was a tough game, but we ‘spongified’ it with our team effort.”
-Hall Mynatt, Kenmare Kestrels’ Seeker and fully committed Team Player.

Wimbourne Wasps V Appleby Arrows – 600 – 920
What to say to the Wimbourne Wasps when their luck has changed in such a drastic way?

‘Sorry?’
No, that might sound way too condescending.
‘Please, keep trying, things might look brighter in the future?’

With only a few rounds left, that might be sort of an impossible task. But then again, ‘miracles’ -certainly not involving any usage of forbidden potions or curses and other illegal things- can happen.

Even if it is to take a team back to the midfield; after all, that can feel like a victory itself, once the bitterness from the bottom of the barrel has been tasted -ask the Ballycastle Bats, if not.

Then again, luck was not in the favour of the yellow and black team. Another set of players, with a much more pre-disposition for tricks and violence -and with that shared desperation to climb up- decided they had enough losses in the current season, and therefore, it was time to change.

The Appleby Arrows suddenly remembered they had been Eurocup Champions not so long ago, and if they had to sacrifice a few sparks in order to win, so be it.

Chasers Justine McNee, Jenson Barnett and Scotty Moore gave their all in a match that had… Truly, everything.

With fans from both sides chanting away to support their teams, the match started promising for the Wasps. Chaser Layne Peacock scored the first ten points of the game, followed close by Tryphena Beetlegleam, who managed to put the next twenty points up for her team.
Unfortunately for the team from Wimbourne, the Appleby Arrows had settled for ‘victory no matter what’ -certainly a hard level almost impossible to solve.

As the match advanced, the Arrows took the lead on the scores; and as the Wasps tried to counter -and almost achieve their target-, the team from Appleby dived into a violent strategy that cost them not one, but two Green Sparks.

The first one was handed towards Ewan MacLeod, for excessive beating: scoring Wasps? Bludger. The Wasps’ Seeker Mieke Königsmann attempting to capture the Snitch? Bludger. Anyone from the Wasps even breathing? Bludger.

Excessive beating, indeed.

Despite everything, the five minutes MacLeod was grounded didn’t change the results much; the Arrows were still in the lead, 650 to 520.

The second Green Sparks came in the shape of the Arrows’ Keeper Hardy Barnes, after the Wasps’ Chaser Robyn McKowen scored against his hoops in a way he definitely did not like. With McKowen flying at him in her most acrobatic style, Barnes did not expect the corner trick-shot that would score the last ten points for the Wasps. In a very Barnes’ way, the Keeper accused McKowen of cheating, and threatened her with his wand… No, that was a typo. His hand, he threatened her with his hands, as violence was his weapon of choice that day.

The referees were not having it, and subsequently Barnes got Green Sparked and grounded for the last ten minutes of the game.

Luckily for him, his Beaters kept the Wasps’ Chasers at bay, and his Captain and Seeker Everett Butcher found the way to capture the Snitch without a third Green Sparks.

Final result? Victory for the Appleby Arrows, 600-920, and a sad Portkey return home for the Wimbourne Wasps.

Perhaps -only perhaps- their luck is about to change.

Or not.

“A, B, C, D, E, F… U.”
-Hardy Barnes, Appleby Arrows’ Keeper, still unsure of the order of his letters.

Professional Quidditch Matchweeks 19 & 20

Lex Ashworth — Sun, 15 Mar 2026 13:59:22 +0000

Brooms, quaffles, bludgers, golden snitches, players giving their everything and fans shouting from the bottom of their lungs -amplifying charm included. The number one wizarding sport we all thrill for is here to make you jump on your broom.

Calista Earnshaw and Edward Callbeck will bring you this week’s coverage.
Without much further ado, let’s jump right into the results!

Falmouth Falcons V Wigtown Wanderers – 580 – 820
For weeks, the world has been witnessing how far the Falcons are ready to go in order to win this season’s cup.

From effortless victories, to top of the league domination, to simply not letting other teams go past their hoops.

Even the Chudley Cannons had a go at flirting with the top of the leaderboard, and were sent back down by the team from Falmouth. No matter how, the Falcons always seemed to have a foot on the top spot, whether shared or not.

And then…

Enter the Wigtown Wanderers.

The Scottish team walked into the pitch with determination; the Falmouth Falcons had been on the top for a while, but the Wanderers had not been doing bad themselves. In fact, they had just landed a victory in the previous round, and they were ready for more.

With precision, Chasers Garry Ivers, Shay Clark and Paternoster simply dominated the Quaffle over the Falcons’ trio. Captain Ivers made sure his team would take the lead from the start and keep it until the very end; with scores that started 110 to 20 for his team during the first ten minutes of the game, and only kept growing as time went by. Ivers even managed to organise a cheeky Parkin’s Pincer move, with him, Clark and Paternoster flying from different directions at opposing Chaser Lucius Paddon, who ended up losing the quaffle to the Wanderers. Paddon definitely did not enjoy that.

It wasn’t a simple match, it was the Wanderers’ way to show the Falcons they were there to stay.

A desperate attempt by the team from Falmouth’s beaters was made to stop the Scottish team, with Rhys Morgan and Lachlan Stewart -the real Lachlan Stewart- even going out of their way to perform a beautiful Dopplebeater Defence that worked… Alas, only once.

With ninety-three minutes into the game, the Falmouth Falcons’ Keeper Dale Morris couldn’t look more frustrated. Yelling at the referees that the Wanderers’ Chasers surely were cheating, the Keeper desperately tried to be louder than his own team’s fans booing at his lackluster performance. But no referees could find any fault at the passion the Wanderers’ kept playing; with the mark of a hundred minutes past, and a score of 820 to 430 for the Scottish team.

At the grades, the Falcons’ fans were begging for mercy for this match to end, whilst the Wanderers’ fans celebrated with chants and a good rendition of ‘Flower of Scotland’.

The Falcons’ nightmare finally ended when their very own Dot Townsend captured the Snitch, finishing the game with a final score of 580 – 820 against her team.

Truly, one can never know what the final top spot on the leaderboard will be until the very last game of the season.

“Well, someone in this team had to do something.”
-Dot Townsend, Falmouth Falcons’ Seeker and Independent Girliepop.

Caerphilly Catapults V Chudley Cannons – 430 – 760
Tempers ran almost as high as the score during the clash between the Chudley Cannons and the Caerphilly Catapults, with the former eventually storming into a devastating victory in a match filled with fouls, whistles, tears, and more than a few green sparks from the officials.

The Cannons wasted little time establishing control. Their Chaser Consus Król pushed the pace early, driving the Quaffle hard through the Catapults’ defense and stacking goals before Caerphilly could properly settle into the match -Keeper Hestia Withka was not impressed. Each scoring run seemed to rattle the Catapults further, forcing them into rushed tackles and desperate defensive plays.

It wasn’t long before the referees had their hands full. Several aggressive challenges drew sharp whistles, and more than once bright green sparks shot into the air to signal fouls as players collided mid-flight. One particularly messy exchange saw both teams arguing their case while the Quaffle floated awkwardly between them, drawing loud reactions from the crowd. The resolution ended with Caerphilly’s Gabriella Dudley and Chudley’s Casimir Utkin both receiving Green Sparks. Apparently Utkin didn’t have enough lunch and his teeth ended on Dudley’s arm, who instinctively swatted him with her own broom, as the rest of the Chasers were still arguing about which team had priority over the Quaffle. A mess, indeed.

Caerphilly did manage to claw together points of their own, showing flashes of a strong coordination and briefly narrowing the gap. But every time they threatened to build up their chances, the Cannons answered with another not-so-subtle-negation, steadily pulling the match further out of reach.

As frustration mounted, the mistakes from Catapults continued to pile up, hindering their spirits as well as doing little to slow Chudley’s advance, which at that point were on the lead, 610 to 430.

It was then when the Cannons’ Seeker Callum Thorne finally spotted the Snitch, bringing home victory for his team 760-430, and an end to a match that was equal parts scoring spree and referee workout.

A powerful performance from the Chudley Cannons, while the Caerphilly Catapults were left dealing with both the scoreboard and the unanswered question: what to feed Casimir Utkin before their next game?

“I thought it was ham…”
-Casimir Utkin, Caerphilly Catapults’ Chaser and Delusional Food Critic.

Montrose Magpies V Puddlemere United – 240 – 560
The clash between Puddlemere United and the Montrose Magpies turned into a disciplined and surprisingly clean contest, with Puddlemere pulling away for a comfortable win without a single foul interrupting the flow of the play.

From the start, Puddlemere looked organized and patient. Their Chasers Sora McKellan, Jack Jones, and Ariadne Massey controlled possession well, carefully building attacks rather than forcing risky plays. The Magpies attempted to keep the pace early, managing a few solid scoring runs of their own, but Puddlemere’s defense stayed tight and rarely allowed a clean break through the hoops. That’s what a good Keeper like Viljo Suvi tends to do, -when she’s not distracted by the sound of Quaffles flying into space.

With the match flowing smoothly and no whistles from the referee slowing things down, the rhythm remained high throughout. The Magpies pushed hard to stay competitive, but every time they found the hoops, Puddlemere answered shortly after, steadily widening the gap.

Bludger control was also in United’s favor, as their Beater Grier Madden basically broke the Magpies’ Chasers’ legs -allegedly. It wasn’t flashy, but it was effective, and a couple of Mobilicorpus may or may not have been required.

By the time the scoreboard climbed past 400, the outcome was settled. Puddlemere’s Seeker Callum McClarken finally spotted the Snitch and ended the match, sealing a composed and controlled victory, 560-240 for his team.

“Ask the Bludgers, and you shall be given…”
-Grier Madden, Puddlemere United’s Beater and Bludger Believer.

Appleby Arrows V Ballycastle Bats – 520 – 610
One isolated win is one thing.
But two in a row?

Have the Ballycastle Bats finally found their feet -or hands, to play the game, really. Or have the whole team been exposed to a serious dose of Felix Felicis? Hopefully it is not the latest.

Because that…
That is cheating.

Whatever the case, it seems the Ballycastle Bats have finally stepped out from the bottom of the leaderboard, leaving the spot empty for the Wimbourne Wasps to occupy -more information on that to come.

The match started with the Appleby Arrows being overconfident -deja vu, anyone?-, just because the Bats had won their latest match -because of a chocolate frog, allegedly- it didn’t mean their team would be as focused. After all, they desperately needed a victory, following the terrible scenes from their Wigtown Wanderers encounter.

So in an Arrows’ fashion, the team from Appleby brought their chasers -and beaters- to the pitch with the violence of a Knockback Jinx.

Chasers Justine McNee and Jenson Barnett made sure to start with an advantage. They flirted with the quaffle and conquered it with a touch, passing it to Scotty Moore and scoring a few points in order to remind the Bats of their -season 2032-2033- place.

As per their Beaters… Well, perhaps they went a little bit overboard.

With the Bats not letting -sort of- the Arrows to bully them -much-, the Appleby Beaters resorted to… Well, more violence. However, this time it wasn’t Gareth Davies who let their team down. Ewan MacLeod seemingly lost his ‘chill’ when the Bats’ Chaser Tobin Townsend kept scoring, dangerously closing the gap between both teams -at that point in time, just an hour after the game started, being 450 to 500 for the Arrows. MacLeod did not beat Townsend once or twice. Five and six bludgers were sent to the lad, who kept being isolated from the other two chasers and unable to score anymore.

The Ballycastle Bats’ Captain Ada Ivers demanded for a time out -and for more bludgers, as her own bat couldn’t send any away thanks to MacLeod- and the referees conceded, giving Ewan MacLeod his first Green Sparks of the season, grounding him for ten minutes.

After that, the rest was history. For the Arrows.

With a beater down, the team from Appleby couldn’t cope with the Northern Irish players. It was all reduced to a battle of Seekers backed up by Beaters.

And Ballycastle’s very own Reserve Seeker -indeed, Avery Whittle has finally been sent to justice- Cassian Fleetwood caught the Snitch and obtained Glory all in their very first game.

Final score? 610 – 520 for the Ballycastle Bats and the taste of sweet, sweet victory.

“Eeh… Uh… I guess that happened…”
-Cassian Fleetwood Ballycastle Bats’ Reserve -or newest?- Seeker, who couldn’t believe himself.

Kenmare Kestrels V Wimbourne Wasps – 730 – 570
Oh, how the Mightiest have fallen…

Although in this case, it isn’t the Mightiest… And they’ve only fallen.

The Wimbourne Wasps have suffered yet another loss that has catapulted them -and not in the right direction- into the bottom of the barrel.

Has the Bats’ curse stepped into the Wasps with that fatidic Chocolate Frog? That would definitely be something to check! Unfortunately, there’s no time for it right now.

Onto the match, now!

The Wimbourne Wasps flew into the pitch with one quest only: to win. However, the Kenmare Kestrels also shared the same intentions, and truth be told, both teams played with all of their strength.

With thirty minutes right into the game, it wasn’t clear who would take the final lead. The Wasps’ Chasers had done a good job of keeping up with the Kestrels. Tryphena Beetlegleam and Layne Peacock even had their moment of glory when they scored -both of them, astonishingly- from across the pitch.

Of course, the Kestrels’ Chasers didn’t do so bad themselves. Abigail Grace Bluetooth and the Griffin Duo knew how to counter the Wasps’ achievements. For each ten points, they scored the same, and even dared to take the lead at exactly ninety-two minutes and thirty-one seconds, 580 to 570.

At that point, it was anyone’s game. And although both Keepers had done their share and both Seekers were at maximum alert, it was the Kestrels’ beaters who made the difference.

Blossom Fairbairn tactically sent a bludger towards the Wasps’ Keeper Kjersti Nathalie, just as the same time her violent partner -Isla MacCrae- swung her bat and sent a targeted hit across the pitch.

The victim?

Wasps’ Seeker Mieke Königsmann, fallen -but not forgotten by the fans who howled at her descend- as the Golden Snitch made an appearance. This was the perfect moment for the Kenmare’s Seeker Hall Mynatt to sweep into victory, as he caught the prize and a very tight victory for his team, with a final score of 730-570.

Will the Wimbourne Wasps get out of that pit of misery?

The next round will solve the mystery!

“You shall not catch… -The Snitch-.”
-Isla MacCrae, Kenmare Kestrels’ Wise Beater.

Tutshill Tornadoes V Pride of Portree – 400 – 670
Pride of Portree delivered a confident and yet, stylish, performance against the Tutshill Tornadoes, steadily building momentum before closing out a strong win in a match that showcased Portree’s control across the pitch.

Early on, the Tornadoes thought they could squabble up with the Portree’s players, pushing quick attacks and testing the Pride’s defense with several aggressive scoring attempts. However, that’s when Portree beater Kyo Fujiwara was like ‘uh huh sista’ and beat them with the wrath of Gods.

Portree gradually settled into their rhythm. Their Chasers Valentine Weekes and Noah Hawtrey began to dictate the tempo, moving the Quaffle smoothly between them and forcing the Tornadoes to constantly shift their defensive positioning. With each successful pass and well-timed shot, a tear would go down the Tornadoes’ Keeper Lexie Cullen’s face.

The Tornadoes continued to fight for openings, managing to keep the scoreboard moving on their side, but every attempt to close the gap was quickly answered by another Portree scoring run. The steady pressure from the Pride’s offense made it difficult for the Tornadoes to establish any lasting momentum.

As the match progressed and the score climbed, the outcome began to look increasingly certain. With Portree comfortably with a hundred and twenty points ahead, their Seeker Marfa Parma eventually spotted the Snitch and secured the catch, bringing the contest to a close, with a victory of 670-400 for her team.

A composed and effective victory for the Pride of Portree.

“Easy peasy, [expletive].”
-Leo ‘Fianchetto’ Bernardi, Pride of Portree’s Chaser and Your Friendly Neighbourhood Edgy Boi.

Holyhead Harpies V Banchory Bangers – 800 – 480
Another win for the Harpies.

And another morally grey strategy from them, too.

It seems as if the team from Holyhead are using certain matches to practice their endurance in certain situations. Whether they try to force their enemies into physical and emotional exhaustion, or if they decide to play the next match as if nothing had happened, using that confusion to earn their victory.

This time, things were unexpectedly different.

As the Snitch was released and both teams were in position, nothing seemed out of the ordinary. In fact, it seemed as if the all-girls team were ready to… Well, just play. However, as the minutes passed, the fans began to notice something.

Were the Harpies’ Beaters not… Playing?

Their Chasers were scoring, -with Siobhan O’Connor and Jolene Parris doing especially well-, their Keeper Biddy Ó Ceithearnaigh was keeping, and their Seeker and Captain Kayla Murphy was… Well, she seemed to be seeking.

However, both Isla MacDonald and Lillibeth Bennet seemed to roam around with their bats as if they were looking for Thestrals when neither of them had the ability for it. Their bludgers were only beaten periodically, at intervals of two and three point five minutes respectively, and were sent towards the direction of the Bangers’ Chasers but never seemed to hit by ‘mistake’. The referees couldn’t call it ‘a foul’ properly, as they kept looking at the Regulations on how to punish when a Beater was having a ‘bad aiming day’.

The Banchory Bangers did not miss this chance. Chasers Ulysses Ellington and Josias Saylor scored. And scored. Even Doirend Rayne joined the party, despite noticing that Ó Ceithearnaigh’s hoops were still on point.

Their Beaters did attack. And whilst the Harpies’ Chasers were good at dodging, they still fell down to the ground a greater amount of time.

Fans were perplexed. What was going on in the heads of the Harpies? Forty-three minutes of game, and the scores were in favour of the Bangers, 350 to 270, whilst their Beaters seemed to be taking Bludgers to their faces, rather than batting them away.

And then, the switch happened.

At exactly forty-five minutes after the game started, the Holyhead Harpies’ Beaters -with a few bruises here and there- went into PAM -Perfect Attack Mode-, with their Bludgers precisely hitting a team that did not expect such a twist.

The Holyhead Harpies’ Fans? Absolutely chuffed.

The previous scores? Transient like a Boggart in a room full of people with very deep fears.

The Banchory Bangers? Ah. Not so well.

With thirteen more minutes of game, the Holyhead Harpies easily reached an advantage of hundred and seventy points over the Bangers. And then, when the team from Banchory finally understood what had hit them, the Golden Snitch appeared. Their Seeker Bryson McConnell did his best. But his best was not enough to stop a Bludger to his arm and the All-Girls team’s victory.

With a half smile and the Snitch in her hand, Harpies’ Captain and Seeker Kayla Murphy brought yet another victory for her team, with a final score of 800-480.

“Listen… Do you perhaps know any good legilimens? Asking for a friend… ”
-Ulysses Ellington, Banchory Bangers’ Captain and Chaser, planning ahead for next season.

Professional Quidditch Matchweeks 17 & 18

Lex Ashworth — Mon, 02 Mar 2026 22:06:29 +0000

The game started as so many others do: teams go out on the cold pitch, teams threaten each other with stares, referees give their daily reminder to ‘keep it clean’, teams pretend not to hear, teams go on their brooms, the Snitch is released, and everybody is out for themselves.

As soon as the Quaffle got out, Wigtown Wanderers’ Chaser Garry Ivers took possession of it, scoring the first ten points of the game -as he should, leading by example like a good Captain, right? Chasers Babs Paternoster and Shay Clark proved useful, as they followed their Captain’s lead and kept the Wanderers at a good scoring pace.

However, that didn’t mean the Arrows were going to let them fly past freely. Whilst their Keeper Hardy Barnes managed to block a few -and yell obscenities at the ones he couldn’t block-, the Chasers from the English team managed to recollect themselves and… Well, do their jobs.

As the cold froze some fans’ noses, Chasers Scotty Moore and Justine McNee began to keep up with the Wanderers’ pace, and as the match reached the ninety minutes mark, the scores were almost balanced, with 520 to 540 for their team.

Of course, the Arrows’ Chasers didn’t work alone. When Jenson Barnett obtained the lead for his team, 50% of his glory was certainly due to the violent work of Ewan MacLeod and Gareth Davies. Well… Mostly Davies’, really. So much, he was grounded by the referees for five minutes straight for excessive beating -this made the Wanderers fans extremely happy.

With Davies grounded, the Scottish team responded as they should. They took advantage of the six players team, and their own Beaters -Caden Lindon and Aiden ‘Death Swing’ Parkin- made sure to balance the damage.

A hundred and fifty minutes had passed from the start of the game, and despite the good fight from both sides, the scores were still in favour of the Arrows, 750-760 for them.

That is until a glimpse of gold appeared in the middle of the pitch, and both Seekers flew down, scavenging like a Puffskein in search of food.
But just as the previous last three games, the story ended well just for one of the Seekers: Wigtown’s Evie Proudfoot gracefully double looped with her broom, extended her hand and reached glory, with a final score of 900-760 for her team.

“Grounded, pfft… What are we? Five year olds?”
-Gareth Davies, Appleby Arrows’ Beater and a full adult.

Banchory Bangers v Tutshill Tornadoes – 240 – 420
The Tutshill Tornadoes wasted absolutely no time in dismantling the Banchory Bangers, wrapping up a shockingly short match with a victory that left half the crowd still looking for their seats.

From the opening whistle, the Tornadoes played like they had somewhere else to be. Their Chasers, Robert Parsnicky and Luna George, were relentless, cutting out of vision, firing off rapid exchanges, and scoring in ruthless bursts. Every time the Quaffle left their hands, it felt inevitable that it was ending up through the Bangers’ hoops.

The Bangers did manage to scrape together some points, but every small success was immediately answered and then aggressively corrected by the Tornadoes. One fan summed it up best: “Did that start five minutes ago, or did I black out?”

To their credit, Banchory’s Beaters Jotham Patton and Anah Trengove worked overtime trying to slow the Tornadoes down. Bludgers flew, pressure mounted, and there were moments where it looked like they might disrupt Tutshill’s rhythm, but Parsnicky, Nelson and George simply kept moving, slipping past hits and resetting faster than the Bangers could react.

Before anyone could fully process the scoreline, Tornadoes’ Seeker Lacey Bolton spotted the Snitch, grabbed it cleanly, and ended the match just as the announcer was warming up.

Final score: 420–240 for the team from Tutshill.
Efficient. Ruthless. Over before the Butterbeers went flat. The only thing that was maybe longer was the time it took to make an article on this match, specifically.

The Tornadoes were off the pitch almost as fast as they’d arrived, leaving the Bangers to wonder what exactly just happened.

“Not gonna lie… I wasn’t there mentally… Or even physically. Didn’t I just mount my broom?”
-Bryson McConnell, Banchory Bangers’ Seeker. Or something like that.

Kenmare Kestrels v Holyhead Harpies – 840 – 920
After last round’s match, everybody wondered whether the Holyhead Harpies would push their next opponent’s limits again.
Would they perhaps fall for that psychological game of the mouse and the cat?
Or would they… Just play?

As the fans occupied the seats of the Ellis Moor Quidditch Stadium, the Kenmare Kestrels prepared themselves physically and mentally. Although there is no damaging evidence -allegedly-, it wouldn’t be surprising if all of their players looked at themselves in the mirror and repeated after themselves pre-game: ‘The harpies are not real harpies. They cannot hurt me if I do not let them do it.’

The start of the match launched with the Snitch being released and instantly gone; in fact, some of the players were still blinking for the first time when the Golden prize disappeared.

Others, like the Holyhead Harpies’ Chasers, knew it was time to take advantage of the situation. With Jolene Parris on the lead, Siobhan O’Connor and Fiona Capmbell decided this was their moment; taking possession of the Quaffle and becoming the mean girls that wouldn’t let the Kestrels’ Chasers even look at it.

On the Kenmare Kestrel’s side, the Chasers were not so happy with the version of the Harpies they had to deal with, almost calling for a referee to snitch on. Despite everything, the Griffin Duo and Abigail Grace Bluetooth did their best to match the all-girls’ team energy, and after a gargantuan effort, they managed to keep the scores at only a hundred and fifty points away.

Unfortunately, the distance would only grow further.

Adding the Harpies’ Beaters to the equation, can not always result in fun for certain teams. Even with their own Beaters -predominantly Isla MacCrae- on the case, the Harpies’ bludgers seemed to always be one step ahead. Lillibeth Bennet and Isla MacDonald -indeed, the other MacIsla- never play around when it comes to their bats: precision and violence is the name of their own particular game.

Each time any of the Kestrels’ Chaser even attempted to go for a steal or to try and score, they’d get relentlessly punished for even trying. So much, that MacDonald got called out a few times by the referees, and whilst there were no Green Sparks, she still got grounded for five minutes of game

Five minutes that would have changed the results of this game if the Kestrels were not so far behind. With almost two hours into the match and a score of 920-690 for the Harpies, the Golden Snitch finally decided to make an appearance.

Both Seekers flew down, Holyhead’s Kayla Murphy performing an elegant Spiral Dive that was meant more to show-off rather than catch, as history will tell. Because thanks to this move, Kenmare’s Hall Mynatt saw the Golden light.

The light, and the end to the excruciating pain his team’s Keeper Reese Barret was suffering, as the Harpies kept scoring on him -as well as his own teammate Billy Griffin, as he sent once the Quaffle against the Kestrels’ hoops by alleged mistake.

With a powerful semi loop dive, the Kenmare Kestrels’ seeker pursued the Snitch until he secured the catch and the end of the match.
Final result? An 840-920 victory for the opposite team, the Holyhead Harpies.

“Hippity hoppity, this Quaffle is now my property.“
-Jolene Parris, Holyhead Harpies’ Chaser and permanent member of the Mean Girls Club.

Wimborne Wasps v Ballycastle Bats – 590 – 790
A miracle.
A Wizarding Quidditch Miracle has happened.
The Ballycastle Bats have won their third match -out of nine, so far- of the season.

Bookies must be either extremely happy or exceptionally busy finding out that one delusional fan who bet all of their future on their favourite team and… Against all odds, won.

As far as the ‘miracle’ itself, it started when everyone less expected it.

With a good start for the Wasps, almost the whole Quidditch Stadium shared one thought ‘they’ll win easily. It is the Bats, the 2033 Bats, their Seeker probably can’t differentiate a Snitch from a Bludger’.

As the Bats’ Keeper Marsha Lyon did her best, the Wasps’ Chasers did their worst -for the opposite team. Layne Peacock flew with the confidence of a Hungarian Horntail, as he chased after the Quaffle, acquired it, and sent it through the Bats’ hoops, again, and again… And again.

His co-chasers Robyn McKowen and Tryphena Beetlegleam followed up with similar moves and outcomes, and soon enough -or really, after ninety minutes of game-, the scores reached 410-250 for their team.

The fans at the stands were either euphoric -on the yellow and black side- or already crying and remembering ‘the better times’ -on the scarlet and black side. Surely there was no way out from the misery pit.

Exactly an hour and forty-seven minutes from the release of the snitch, something happened that changed the course of the game.

A younger Wasps’ fan was about to eat one of the infamous Chocolate Frogs, wondering what Card would he get. As soon as he opened the box, the Chocolate Frog did as they usually do: jumped off for freedom, leaving the younger wizard behind, completely bamboozled, but not because of the card he had gotten, but because of what was just about to happen…

Wimbourne Wasps’ Beater Aoife Murphy was on the lookout for bludgers when something chocolatey and jumpy got right into her face. With her vision impaired, her broom went down, and her with it, touching grass in exactly fifteen seconds and a half. Healers were called to the scene, and whilst her life was not at risk, her time at the game was halted.

Of course, the match wasn’t going to stop for a mere Chocolate Frog, so as Murphy was getting patched up -with promises of being back on her broom as soon as possible-, her team was one player down.

This gave the Bats an advantage. An advantage they didn’t deserve, but an advantage they needed. And oh, how much they needed it.

As if it was some sort of mechanical response, their Chasers Tobin Townsend and Avonlea Fox went for the Quaffle as if their life depended on it. Meanwhile, Deirdre Piper performed quadruple loops in order to steal, pass and score.

Beaters Ada Ivers and Blaise Bennett -with two T’s- swung their bats and kept the -one- Wasps’ Beater at bay, whilst defending a team that everyone thought was about to crumble.

Fifteen minutes it was all it took.

Fifteen minutes to fix Murphy, and to turn the scores upside down. Or at least keep it at sort of the same level. When the Wasps’ Beater went back into the game, her team was only winning 560-550.

Even when both teams were fully up and playing, the Bats kept that fire that a simple Chocolate Frog had brought up in them. Soon enough, the scores flipped, and the Northern Irish team was on the lead, 640-590.

The fans on the grades wondered: are we dreaming?

However, what was hard to believe, was that their Seeker Avery Whittle was still able to play this game -with a pending Hearing and a meeting with the DMGS-, and even harder that the same player that got a Red Sparks on their previous game, finally caught the snitch.

No tricks.
No magic.
Perhaps pure luck, or a miracle?

Whatever the case, Ballycastle Bats won their third game of the season, with a final score of 790-590.

“I swear… I can still feel the croakoa in my… CROAK… face…”
-Aoife Murphy, Wimbourne Wasps’ Beater and unwilling croak-bearer.

Pride of Portree v Caerphilly Catapults – 880 – 910
Caerphilly reminded everyone why they should never miss one of their games, ending the match with Pride of Portree with a nail-biting victory.

Portree’s Chasers came out fearless. Leo Bernardi, living up to his “Fianchetto” nickname, peppered the hoops from impossible angles, forcing Caerphilly’s Keeper Hestia Withka to defend shots that barely seemed legal by geometry alone. Noah Hawtrey kept the tempo high, cutting through midfield and stealing the Quaffle every chance he got. Valentine Weekes, on the other hand, did exactly what he always does: he held the entire offense together like structural support disguised as a person -talk about experience.

But Caerphily just looked at them like ‘new Owl, who diz?’

Leading the charge was Gabriella Dudley, who clearly treated Portree like a personal rival, rather than an opponent. Every goal came from intent. Every drive felt like a deliberate attempt against Portree’s Keeper Amrishaya Kol’s life hoops.

Alongside Dudley, Elara Quinn was terrifyingly precise; her throws packed so much power that a fan swears that a shot of hers that hit the rim, left a quaffle-shaped dent on the side. Last, -but not least-, Kasandra Bélanger rounded out the game with relentless unforgiving pressure, cleaning up the rebounds and keeping Portree under pressure.

The scoreboard climbed at a ridiculous pace. Whenever Portree surged ahead, Caerphilly said, ‘Sit down, little bro bro’. No lead lasted long enough to feel safe, and by the time both teams crossed 700 points, the pitch felt one mistake away from chaos.

Portree’s chasers kept firing, refusing to slow down, and for a moment, it looked like momentum might carry the game to victory for them. They had finally moved ahead, 880 to 760, and everybody was almost sure that victory would be theirs. That was until the Catapults’ Seeker, Toutorix Tracy finally woke up and spotted the snitch, flying towards it with the speed of lightning and ending the conflict with a score of 910-880 for his team.

If anyone ever wondered how to break a heart with a Snitch, Portree’s fans can talk about this experience first hand.

“I’m not saying he cheated, but I’d like to see the B.A.R. [Broom Assistant Referee] go and check if Tracy’s broom was legal… That thing was… Fast.”
-Marfa Parma, Pride of Portree’s Seeker and Part-Time Private Investigator.

Quaffles & Bludgers – MATCHWEEKS 15 and 16

Lex Ashworth — Sun, 15 Feb 2026 17:17:05 +0000

Madden gets to live another day.
And so does a certain die-hard Puddlemere United fan too.
Allegedly.

“I feel gobsmacked, knackered and chuffed all at the same time.”
-Callum McClarken, Puddlemere United’ Seeker and Saviour of the Match.

Tutshill Tornadoes V Kenmare Kestrels – 790 – 600
The Tornadoes and Kestrels fought a hard fight in their match this week in a real knock-down-drag-out match. Both teams seemed determined to claw their way up from the bottom of this season’s roster, but of course only one would manage it. With the sting of recent defeat at the hands of the Holyhead Harpies, the Tornadoes seemed the most motivated through their game against the Kestrels. They started off strong, taking an early 50 points lead that remained within 20-30 points of advantage throughout the rest of the match.

Despite this consistent performance from the Tornadoes, Abigail Bluetooth of the Kestrels put up yet another career performance to keep her team within range for a Snitch win. Many Quidditch commentators from around the country have often wondered whether this team was holding her back, and the rumblings of that notion only grew louder after this match, leading to rumors of drama amongst the team after the Kestrels’ loss. Yet in the game itself, they remained professional and cohesive; but it alas was not enough. Despite the tooth and nail effort, the Tornadoes came in like a whirlwind and swept up the game by a sound and consistent offensive push.

The most exciting part of the game came when the Seekers took off for their final chase. Tensions were high, apparently, as there seemed to be some jostling in the air when they got close, but with a deft maneuver that looked almost as if the Tornadoes Seeker left their broom… it was snatched from the air by the self-same Seeker.

When asked about that final moment, Lacey Bolton said,
“I knew that if I didn’t do something crazy, the Kestrels would win. I think we could all feel the momentum shifting from us to them near the end of the match, and I had to make sure to end it.”

“This win makes our last game against the Harpies a little bit easier to bear. A little bit…”
-Robert Parsnicky, Chaser for the Tutshill Tornadoes.

Ballycastle Bats V Wigtown Wanderers – 650 – 920
To say that this is not Ballycastle Bats’ season it is an understatement.

With yet another loss, the Irish team sits uncomfortably at the very bottom of the league… And as we are past the mid-season, perhaps only a miracle -hopefully no curses- will get them back on track.

Or at least higher from the bottom.

Despite their low morale, Ballycastle hasn’t given up just yet. Their chasers continue with their efforts, and during this match they showed there is still some fight in them, same as their beaters.

With the Wanderers starting strong, there was no doubt that the Bats would need to level up their strategy, or at least do something about the game.

Wigtown’s Chasers Shay Clark and Babs Paternoster pulled up their weight under the meticulous lead and strategy from their Captain Garry Ivers, and after thirty-three minutes of game, the three chasers had put the scores up to 310-240 for their team. Their Keeper Mick Mooney added to their defense, as he seemed more than ready to break fingers, hands, arms and probably whole bodies from anyone who dared to score ‘too much’.

As the match advanced, and the difference between scores weren’t massive, the Bats probably thought not all hope was lost, as their Beaters Ada Ivers and Blaise Bennett -with two T’s- started to show they were not… Just a pretty face.

With an impressive Dopplebeater Defence, Ivers and Bennett saved their team from an early Golden Snitch catch, as the bludger they both hit, directly flew towards the Wanderers’ Seeker Evie Proudfoot seconds before she could seize the capture.

This, in theory, would have given their own seeker the right amount of advantage to close a game that could end with them as victors.

Only he didn’t.

On the day his team faced the Wigtown Wanderers, Avery Whittle chose violence. Moved -allegedly- by the despair of his team touching rock bottom, Whittle decided to use his wand for his advantage. As Proudfoot was going down after being hit by Ivers and Bennett’s bludger, Whittle moved quickly and sent a silent Full-body bind curse to keep her down longer. For a moment, it looked as though he might have gotten away with it, but the Wanderers’ silent beater Cade Lindon called for a referee as he witnessed the events.

At ninety-two minutes of game, the match was paused with a score of 640-700 for the team from Wigtown. Red sparks were announced then by the referees, and Whittle was taken out of the game.

Unfortunately for the Bats, their reserve Seeker was not available and they were granted to use one of their Beaters to seek. Ada Ivers, with her Captain role, stepped in forward in a situation that was already -probably- lost.

As the game resumed and Evie Proudfoot was ‘un-cursed’, the pace was not the same anymore. It only took twenty more minutes for Proudfoot to finish the match, catching the Golden Snitch and providing victory for her team with a final score of 650-920.

A clean game for the Wanderers that puts them at the second spot in the league, and a regretful one for the Bats that… Means no change for them.

Will they finally change their Seeker and let Avery Whittle go?
Only time will tell.

“No, seriously. Whittle is delulu, ya feel me? Like why are we even still keeping up with his [expletive]? Does he have powerful parents or something? Money? Like, come on, he’s a [expletive].”
-Anonymous Ballycastle Bats angry fan.

Falmouth Falcons V Chudley Cannons – 890 – 770
It was a match that the whole league had been waiting for: The Underdog and the Accursed. Or so many had taken to calling the two unlikely leads of this season.

So far this season the Cannons have proven that their long suffered curse of being the brown in the toilet bowl of Quidditch has broken, leading many to almost religiously chant that they were destined to be the winners this season! Yet they were to face the Falcons; a team which had proven capable to punch far beyond its weight through sheer tenacity and teamwork.

The match began as many do, with the mere trading back and forth of the score with no real apparent advantage towards either team. The Beaters of both teams showed how far they had come, even during the season, with their training: Remaining behind assigned Chasers and ensuring to target opponents when an opening showed; it was a methodical and textbook start to the game, as if both teams were testing each other on the basics of Quidditch play. Kathi Cassidy, Beater for the Chudley Cannons said,

“It rather started off like a practice match, hesitant and testing and all that, but I could feel that none of us really knew what to expect from the other team.”

But it wasn’t long before someone broke the ice. Clarity Terrell, veteran Chaser for the Chudley Cannons began rapidly chunking up the score for her team; little by little it seemed like she was getting better as the game went on, until even her own Beaters had difficulty keeping up with the storm she was becoming. The match pulled away to a Cannon’s lead of 480 to 320, leading many to believe that the Cannons would be the ones to strike the head of the Falcons and put them in their place. Yet the Falcons once again showed their underdog spirit when, after a Sparks grounded play for a short time, they rallied and began focusing their efforts on a tighter and coordinated defense. The game grinded on for another hour until the Falcons had almost caught up by Quaffle scoring alone.

It was at that moment that the Seekers both seemed to dart from their positions and give chase to a rather squirrely Snitch. It had been eluding these two talented Seekers for a long time, but it didn’t look like it would be lost this time. Much like the rest of the game, the Seeker for the Chudley Cannons seemed to have the edge in this hunt over the Falcons, but as has become characteristic for the underdog team, expert teamwork on the part of the Seeker and Beaters lead to a Bludger striking Callum Thorne at the last moment. The Falmouth Falcons had won!

“It really was a close match. Down to the wire. No smack talk from me, today; our two teams have defied all the odds, and it was glorious to face off.“
-Dot Townsend, Seeker for the Falmouth Falcons.

Montrose Magpies V Pride of Portree – 320 – 780
Well, well, well, what a game to witness, folks. Even a blind man could see that Portree didn’t just beat the Magpies; they turned the pitch into a full-blown crime scene, storming a ridiculous 780-320 victory in a match that was essentially a Chasers’ Masterclass with spectators.

From the opening whistle, Portree’s chasers made it very clear they were not here to do the Hokey Kokey. Leo Benardi, Noah Hawtrey, and Valentine Weekes tore through Montrose’s defense like a child through a late-night dessert. Fast checkings, no-look passes, and goals stacked so quickly, that for some, whiplash was guaranteed.

Montrose tried to answer back, but every response was immediately shut down by another Portree scoring run. At one point, a fan was overheard saying, “I drank some of my firewhiskey and missed three goals, either I’m drunk or the Magpies [expletive]”.

Things only got worse for the team from Montrose when a desperate defensive grab -more like one of their chasers begging Valentine Weekes to let them have the quaffle- resulted in a penalty shot for Portree. Bernardi stepped up, one moment at the center, and in the next moment he was on the right side, already sinking it in before anyone even had a chance to catch their breath. Weekes followed moments later with another clean finish -just to make sure the new blood doesn’t get all the glory. Despite the scoreline, the Magpies’ Keeper Myles Burnham put in a heroic effort, pulling off saves that one would not think possible. Unfortunately, when the enemy are the Portree Chasers, not even Merlin can offer protection.

Meanwhile, Portree’s Seeker Marfa Parma, looked like she was on vacation or thinking about her next luxury cruise. However, as if it were a sixth sense, right when the score finally hit 630-320, Parma spotted the snitch and ended the slaughter, with a sharp, decisive catch.

A ruthless, borderline unfair display from Pride of Portree -powered by relentless chasers or demons as the Montrose Magpies are now calling them.
Honestly, they might have PTSD after this game. Montrose will probably want to forget this one.

Portree fans……absolutely will not.

“Aye, the youngblood might be alrite, but he still has a long way tae put up with me.”
-Valentine Weekes, Pride of Portree’s VETERAN Chaser.

Holyhead Harpies V Wimbourne Wasps – 840 – 420
Whilst Wasps might sting, Harpies… Well, Harpies can do a fair amount of damage, as it was proven by their latest encounter with the team from Wimbourne.

A damage that took so long, that at the end of the match the referees were happy to finally go home.

The game was set to start on Wednesday 9th of February of 2033 at 11:00AM, at the Ilkley Moor Quidditch Stadium, where fans from both teams and locals were excited to see the action. Truth be told, with the Harpies ahead, the expectations were low for the Wasps.

And yet, no one knows until things happen -unless they are a seer.

With both teams on the pitch when the clock struck the eleventh hour, anthems were played, formations were shown -no reserves so far in either team-, and referees made sure all players -specially those belonging to the Harpies- knew they should keep their head in the game and not in unexpected brawls.

At exactly 11:30AM, the Golden Snitch was released and the game was ready to start.

The Wasps seemed to start with the right foot on. Chasers Robyn McKowen and Tryphena Beetlegleam seemed to be on the lead. Both women knew what they were doing, and with tactical passes and impressive steals they managed to score the first thirty points of the match. Their actions seemed so easy and free of retaliation that fans were left wondering if the Harpies were… Letting them have a slight advantage?

Third chaser Layne Peacock put his weight in as well, as he managed to add to the advantage on the score with a couple of goals more.

Things certainly looked strange, and as the clock struck 13:30, the score remained at 100-0 for the Wasps. It seemed as if now not all the goals were going through the Harpies’ hoops, but those that were it seemed as if Keeper Biddy Ó Ceithearnaigh were letting them just happen.

The fans seemed in complete agony. Cries like ‘What are they doing?’ or ‘Come on, my two year old can defend better!’ and ‘That’s it, I want a refund!!’ could be heard amongst the grades. In fact, as the third hour of the game struck, a fair amount of fans were seen leaving the Ilkley Moor Stadium, wondering where did they go wrong in their lives.

Four hours of game had gone now, and the score sat at 200-0 for the Wasps. And yet, every time the Golden Snitch made an appearance and the Wasps’ Seeker Mieke Königsmann made even an attempt to go for it, the Harpies’ Beaters were there first, to crush her hopes and dreams. Whatever the Harpies’ strategy was, it bamboozled even the press. Everyone was wondering what was happening, and if said strategy could be considered as cheating.

It couldn’t.

After all, they were playing the game, defending when necessary, and even sending some quaffles to the Wasps’ hoops here and there that -strangely enough- never went through. Those die hard fans -or the hopeful delusional ones- that still remained in the stadium could see how the Wasps -despite winning- were beginning to show signs of tiredness. Coincidence?

Probably not.

It was 18:32, on the Wednesday 9th of February of 2033 when the Harpies scored their first ten points. A swift Body Blow from Siobhan O’Connor and Jolene Parris forced the Wasps’ chaser Layne Peacock to give up the quaffle. With the quaffle up for grabs, third chaser Fiona Campbell flew up, down, and strategically scored on an almost asleep Wasps’ Keeper Kjersti Nathalie.

From then on, it didn’t stop. The next two to three hours it was a festival of goals being scored. Whether it was O’Connor, Parris or Campbell, the girls seemed to be way more energised than the Wasps’ chasers. With 840 to 270 for the Harpies after almost twelve hours of game, everyone was questioning their own sanity.

Wondering why, how, where and who they were.

A golden glimpse appeared at 23:04. Somehow it took Mieke Königsmann a moment to realise the snitch was there, but she did. She flew for it, did a double loop and caught the Golden prize to save at least the Wimbourne Wasps’ pride, finishing the game with a final score of 840-420 for the Harpies.

This time neither Lillibeth Bennet nor Isla MacDonald stopped her. They were done playing the cat and mouse game.

No more physical or psychological damage.
For now.

“Ha, ha. Sike!”
-Kayla Murphy, Holyhead Harpies’ Captain, Seeker and… Evil Mastermind Strategist?

Quaffles & Bludgers – MATCHWEEKS 13 and 14

Lex Ashworth — Mon, 02 Feb 2026 20:51:38 +0000

By the time Portree crossed 500 points, the Falcons looked bamboozled. Their Keeper Dale Morris fought hard, but even ‘heroics’ can only delay the inevitable when the defense is folding like lawn chairs. In the end, Morris blamed everyone else but himself, as per usual.

With a final score of 720–550, Portree’s Seeker Marfa Parma ended the match cleanly, sealing a dominant performance that never really felt in doubt.

A confident, almost smug display from the Pride of Portree, and a long and quiet portkey home for the Falcons.

“As if!”
-Marfa Parma, Pride of Portree Seeker, with a confident smile whilst holding the Golden Snitch.

Kenmare Kestrels V Caerphilly Catapults – 610 – 840
What a nice game for the Caerphilly Catapults, indeed!

Little by little, they have been climbing up the ladder and… They have distanced themselves from the bottom of the league, leaving the poor Kenmare Kestrels behind -along with the Ballycastle Bats, but that’s another story.

With over a hundred sixty-three minutes of game, this match was all about one thing: the quaffle. Chasers were the main stars as they, indeed, chased as if their lives depended on it, flying, catching, throwing and scoring -and getting hopelessly bothered if their quaffle hit the hoops or ended on either Keeper’s hands.

The Kenmare Kestrels’ Chasers showed what they were made of, with Abigail Grace Bluetooth on the lead, the Griffin Duo followed suit. The three of them started strong, definitely putting pressure on Caerphilly’s Keeper Hestia Withka. During the first half of the match, the Catapults’ Beaters could barely touch Bluetooth, as she cruised through in pursuit of the quaffle, resulting in a few moments the fans definitely adored. Bluetooth was fast, and so the Kestrels’ scores were going up, up, it seemed it was their moment. Together, it seemed they were glowing. It was going to be, going to be golden.

Until it wasn’t.

With 390 to 450 for the opposite team, the second half of the match hit the Kenmare Kestrels harder. It seemed as if the Caerphilly Catapults had decided it wasn’t their moment anymore.

With the Catapults’ Chasers waking up, the scores had started to suffer some small but noticeable changes. Captained by Gabriella Dudley, the Chasers Trio started to steal the quaffle more frequently, with Elara Quinn and Kasandra Bélanger happily scoring every time someone on the grades yelled ‘Catapultswho?’, just out of spite.

By the time hundred and sixty minutes had passed from the start, the scores marked 610 to 690 for the Caerphilly Catapults, just as a golden glint was seen around the pitch.

Seeker Toutorix Tracy did not hesitate. He flew down as if he was running from a Silencing Charm, extended his hand, and with an impressive jump over his broom, he caught the Golden Snitch, obtaining the victory for his team with a final score of 610-840 and a midfield placement in the league.

“I’m the King of the Wor-!.”
-Toutorix Tracy, Caerphilly Catapults Seeker, just as a celebratory Silencing Charm was cast upon him.

Chudley Cannons V Appleby Arrows – 470 – 400

It seems the Chudley Cannons have been crossing all of their fingers and truly hoping for the best.

Or perhaps they’ve infused Felix Felicis in all of their players? No, they wouldn’t risk a banned substance, right?
It must be just their season, or the players are actually training hard.
Whatever the case, it is really working -legally, hopefully.

Despite the great energy thrown onto the pitch, the Chudley Cannons weren’t off to a good start.
Their game lacked confidence from their Chasers against the precision set by the Appleby Beaters, Ewan MacLeod and Gareth Davies.
Both Beaters managed to keep Consus Król and Casimir Utkin down and away from the quaffle for a fair amount of time, allowing their own team an advantage to score. Third Cannons’ Chaser -Clarity Terrell- managed to dodge more bludgers than her teammates, but even when she scored a few times, the Arrows’ Keeper Hardy Barnes turned out to be a hard wall to go through -in different ways too, as he’s proven in numerous occasions how tough he can get when things do not go his way…

With the Cannons struggling, even when their Beaters were giving their best -not enough- to counterattack the Arrows’ offense, the scores at 320 to 400 for the team from Appleby.

Tensions were high, and at only sixty-three minutes of game, a golden hue was spotted around the pitch.

Both seekers flew like they were being chased by Dementors, and whilst the Arrows’ Captain Everett Butcher seemed to be close to victory, it was the one and only Callum Thorne who seized glory.

The Cannons’ Seeker descended in a show of skill and precision, asserting dominance as he has in previous matches. Thorne saw, Thorne came, Thorne conquered, and Thorne won the game for his team with a final score of 470-400; placing the Cannons right at the top of the league.

That’s right folks, the Chudley Cannons have taken the crown from the Falmouth Falcons this season.
Now, the question is: will they be able to keep it?

“Say hello to my little Golden friend.”
-Callum Thorne, Chudley Cannons’ Seeker, right after the game was finished.

Puddlemere United V Ballycastle Bats – 690 – 860
It has finally happened.

The Ballycastle Bats have finally achieved another victory. After blood, sweat, and tears, the Northern Irish team seems to have finally found a winning combination.

…Or maybe it was the case that they were playing against Puddlemere United.

Whatever it was, it was clear that at least it boosted the morale of the team -although not their position in the league. Still very much at the bottom, unlike Puddlemere, who stands in the mid-bottom.

With a strong start for United, the Bats thought their only chance to -maybe- win was to display a good defense-offense, so they put most of their hopes on their Beaters. Captain Ada Ivers and Blaise Bennet blasted bludgers left and right, preventing a fair amount of quaffles from going through the hoops of their Keeper Marsha Lyon. Even Puddlemere’s Chaser Sora McKellan was prevented from scoring as much as she had wanted -surely she at least scored a pleasant Honeymoon?

For Puddlemere, the loss hit harder than expected. So much, that even the players started to act up when they saw victory could be so close and… So far. So terribly far.

There was a series of catastrophic plays that demanded to be ruled out by the referees.

And they were.

Starting with Puddlemere’s Chaser Jack Jones complaining to his own team’s Beaters for lack of defense, which immediately sparked tension with Grier Madden. United’s Beater seemed to ignore Jones, but amped up his Bludger game during the match. Something that wasn’t good enough for Jack Jones, who decided to take his team’s defense by cobbing -excessively using his elbows to defend/push- the opponent Chasers. His foul was noticed and Green Sparks were sent, putting Jones out for ten minutes.

This only added to Madden’s tension, putting him off his usual mindset, and causing him to make mistakes he -allegedly- wouldn’t do under normal circumstances. So much, that during the last twenty-five minutes of game, he was accused of Blatching -flying with the intent to collide- and Blocking -deliberately putting himself in front of the Seeker-, fouls that ultimately were punished by the referee with double Green Sparks and fifteen minutes on the ground, preventing the Puddlemere United Beater from finishing the game.

That’s now three Green Sparks in a game, Puddlemere United must be fearing the dark clouds that could rain on their parade in future matches.

With a beater down and a score of 690-710 against them, Puddlemere saw their whole life flash before their eyes. Well, maybe not that, but their Seeker Callum McClarken did see the Golden Snitch flash before his eyes and end up in the Bats’ very own Avery Whittle’s hands.

A final score of 690-860 for the Ballycastle Bats in a really tight match, only added to Puddlemere’s despair.

And their fans. Their very loyal hardcore fans; the ones that might feel it right in their soul.

“NOooooooooooOOOoooooOOOOoooooOOOooooooOOOOoooooOOOOoooooo!”
–~~Algernon Fletch~~ Anonymous Puddlemere United loyal hardcore Fan that might or might not have some betting going on.

Banchory Bangers V Montrose Magpies – 280 – 390
Despite being a relatively short game, the Montrose Magpies heavily dominated with the consistent beating from the beaters that allowed them a hard–violently-earned win over the Banchory Bangers in a bruising, stop-start contest.

From the moment the whistle was blown, it was clear the bludgers would decide the match. Montrose’s Beaters Peter Riches and Kane Curtis took immediate control, driving the bangers off with their tail between their legs. Every time the Bangers tried to push forward it seemed to end the same way: bruises, tears and crying. Although if you ask Ulysses Ellington, Doriend Rayne or Josias Saylor, that never happened.

However, that wasn’t enough to break them – at least not mentally. Physically, bones were broken. Very broken. Thanks Merlin for that Skele-Gro Potion!
The Bangers’ Chasers managed to keep the score respectable, with Rayne and Saylor wooing the fans in a couple of really good displays of quaffle-skill. However, it proved difficult with the Magpies constantly disrupting their rhythm. As the Bangers’ Captain, Ulysses Ellington even motioned to the referees, accusing the Magpies of constant beating, making it impossible to have a clean game, but the only response was ‘use some bruise paste later’ and… Green Sparks for Montrose’s Peter Riches after he focused too much on the Bangers’ Seeker Bryson McConnell. Five minutes on the ground that, really, did not make much of a difference.

As the match wore on, Magpies Beaters only grew more influential -and yes, even after that Green Sparks for Riches. However, they did change their offense for more of a defense approach.

They shielded their Seeker Arethousa Ainsworth during critical moments and opened clear channels for their chasers, who took the chance and performed a constant run of goals in the little time that was left.

With Ainsworth finally catching the Golden Snitch, the score reached 390-280, and the Magpies obtained glory after having full control of the pitch. A well-fought victory and a very spectacular show that lasted exactly forty-nine minutes.

“Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a [expletive].“
-Peter Riches, Montrose Magpies’ Beater about his Green Sparks on this match.

Holyhead Harpies V Tutshill Tornadoes – 710 – 320
It seems the start of 2033 is smiling at the Holyhead Harpies, so far.

Whatever pact they have made with the Quidditch Spirits, it is working.

For how long, however? Unsure.

But for now, their precision, their skills and their formation on the pitch looks flawless.

Strong start of the game for the all-female team, with their three Chasers going all-in. Siobhan O’Connor brought the strategy to the field, leading her co-chasers in different formations that took every fan’s breath away. Fiona Campbell showed off the skill that made her be part of the team: precise passes, quaffles that went through the hoops from the most impossible angles, and an incredible speed of recovery every time she was taken down by the Turshill’s Beaters. As per Jolene Harris, fierceness was her game; her instinct to stop at nothing -even if that might or might not get her in trouble with the referees- and her relentless energy completed the Harpies’ Chasers trio so superbly, the Turshill’s Keeper Lexie Cullen was questioning her whole existence -and abilities to keep, let’s be honest.

The Harpies’ Beating game was -once more- beautifully violent to watch. Both Isla MacDonald and Lillibeth Bennet shined against their counterparts Kip Heath and Cerys Llewellyn, with the Harpies’ bludgers being over 87% more accurate than Turshill’s. It seems they were born to beat -allegedly. On one occasion, it seemed as if both MacDonald and Bennet were aiming for the same chaser -Robert Parsnicky-, but right at the very last second, MacDonald did a double loop and Bennet stayed on a straight line trajectory, resulting in a double beating-bluffing that -unfortunately- included both Parsnicky and Luna George, who happened to just fly into their range.
Aesthetically unhinged, indeed.

With hundred and thirteen minutes into the game, the score did not look good for the Tutshill Tornadoes. It was 710-170 for the Harpies, and the Tornadoes’ fans were starting to get creative with their chants.

“Let’s pretend, let’s pretend!
Let’s pretend Tutshill scored!
Let’s pretend, let’s pretend!
That Cullen gives us hope!”

Perhaps because of their fans’ chants -or maybe because as a Captain certain pride and responsibility comes with the role-, but the Tornadoes’ Seeker Lacey Bolton decided to strategically end the game once and for all. Hundred and fifteen minutes had passed from the start, and a Golden glint was noticed in the middle of the pitch. Bolton dived in, triple loop included, just as the Harpies’ Seeker Kayla Murphy went for it as well.

It was Captain Vs Captain, and -despite the score- the whole stadium stood up and held their breath.

A lightning -yes, just in that very moment, a rare thunderstorm was forming-, a golden flash, a bird, was it Murphy or just fog in the sky?

No.

It was Lacey Bolton, with the snitch in hand.

With a final score of 710-320 for the Harpies, the Tornadoes’ Captain and Seeker ended a painful game for her team and their fans.

After all, why prolong unnecessary suffering?

“Look how they massacred my team!”
-Lacey Bolton, Tutshill Tornadoes Captain, Seeker and their Vengeful Soul.

Wimbourne Wasps V Wigtown Wanderers – 380 – 560
The Wigtown Wanderers delivered a composed and methodical performance to defeat the Wimbourne Wasps, slowly draining the fight out of their opponents before closing the match in style.

The Wasps started aggressively, pressing high and forcing the pace early. Their Chasers Robyn McKowen and Layne Peacock moved the Quaffle quickly through midfield, catching Wigtown off guard with sharp passing and confident finishes that kept the score tight in the opening phase. Even third Chaser Tryphena Beetlegleam showed off why she’s called the ‘glue’ of The Wasps’ trio, as all of her passes ended up in goals scored. Remarkable, really.

Wigtown weathered the early storm and began to assert themselves as the match settled. Beaters Cade Lindon and Aiden Parkin took control of the Bludgers, disrupting Wimbourne’s rhythm and cutting off their attacking lanes. Parkin really proved why his nickname is ‘Death Swing’, as he repeatedly took out the Wasps’ Chasers and Seeker in crucial moments.

With the pressure mounting, the Wanderers’ Chasers found more space, turning defensive stops into swift counterattacks. Shay Clark decided the second half of the match was for her to shine. And she shone. Passes, goals and double-loops were only a few of her skills’ demonstrations. In the end, the quaffle possession was 58% for her and 42% for her teammates Garry Ivers and Babs Paternoster -together.

As the minutes wore on, Wigtown’s superior conditioning became evident. They began to outplay the Wasps consistently, subtly winning the lead, while Wimbourne struggled to respond. Missed passes and rushed shots crept into the Wasps’ play, allowing Wigtown to maintain that slight control.

Even so, by the time the score reached 380-410, the outcome was still undecided. It could have been anyone’s game, and yet….
Wigtown’s Seeker Evie Proudfoot ended proceedings with a clean Snitch capture, sealing a well-earned victory for her team with a final score of 380-560 that was built on patience, discipline, and relentless pressure.

A strong statement from the Wanderers, who looked sharper with every passing minute, while the Wasps were left to reflect on a promising start that ultimately faded.

“Surely you can’t be serious…!”
-Anonymous Wimbourne Wasps after seeing their team being ‘robbed of victory’.