We apologise for the lack of horoscopes this week, due to unforeseen circumstances. Our astrologer’s telescope spontaneously combusted, then rolled as a fireball into the lake, causing the giant squid to attack. We are happy to inform you that horoscopes will be back by next week and that all of our fingers are growing back rather nicely. If you make all of your major decisions using the weekly horoscopes, we would like to suggest using a different means of divination this week, such as xylomancy, or one of those folded paper things. You know the ones.