Once again the Black Queen’s Rook has provided us with advice from the stars. And shopping lists. And also one word warnings. We never claimed the horoscopes would make sense.
SCORPIO (OCT 23 – NOV 21)
Milk, eggs, sugar, flour, a replacement pair of pants for the ones you lost last week. Check to see if it’s on sale. You know what it is.
SAGITTARIUS (NOV 22 – DEC 21)
This is the correct week to slack off, so enjoy! Good luck explaining to your professors that the stars told you to slack off, however.
CAPRICORN (DEC 22 – JAN 19)
Your problem just got bigger. Think, what have you done?
AQUARIUS (JAN 20 – FEB 18)
PISCES (FEB 19 – MAR 20)
Expect a sudden, disruptive, revelation, and potentially destructive change, who you did not expect. Expect the unexpected. Collapse reality by becoming a paradox.
ARIES (MAR 21 – APR 19)
Your resemblance to a sock puppet will prevent the world from taking you seriously. Invest in angrier eyebrows.
TAURUS (APR 20 – MAY 20)
Follow the stars. Only the stars. Disregard all other forms of divination. Except this Monday, we’re on holiday this Monday.
GEMINI (MAY 21 – JUN 20)
It’s going to be a complicated emotional week, Gemini. You’ve shot yourself in the foot, and now you’re dealing with the consequences. How are you going to move forward? You have literally shot yourself in the foot.
CANCER (JUN 21 – JUL 22)
The sign that you adore does not love you back, it’s time to move on. They’re made of wood anyways.
LEO (JUL 23 – AUG 22)
Warm feelings will not prevent you from dying of hypothermia. You brought robes for a reason, you should probably wear them.
VIRGO (AUG 23 – SEP 22)
An unpleasant surprise is waiting for you. It’s probably spiders. Unless you like spiders, then it will probably be something else.
LIBRA (SEP 23 – OCT 22)
You will find the answers you seek, but find that you have asked the wrong questions. You can only hope you get another chance.