The Black Queen’s Rook has looked to the stars and now has some… advice for you. It’s not great advice, it’s not bad advice, it’s not even good advice. Just… advice.
SCORPIO (OCT 23 – NOV 21)
You are strongly opinionated this week, and your passion could act as a lightning rod that attracts unwanted trouble. You believe someone is purposefully trying to sabotage you, but you won’t let them. You might put on a happy face, hiding the fact that you know what they’re up to this week. Besides, your words may not accurately convey your true feelings, so you should make a conspiracy board. You’ll need some photographs, newspaper clippings, pins and a pinboard, and lots of string. This week is also a great week to meet new people and unwind, so make friends by wildly accusing others of being one of them. They know who they are. You don’t need to explain, because you know. You know.
SAGITTARIUS (NOV 22 – DEC 21)
Your friends might say the nicest things to you this week, but you are suspicious of their hidden agendas. No matter how you try to reframe their compliments, alarms are ringing and causing you concern. However, you’re hesitant to broach the topic because you don’t want to appear as if you’re paranoid like Scorpio. Nevertheless, it’s not in your best interest to stay silent now. Find a way to start a conversation without making accusations or blaming anyone else. If deeper issues show up, follow the threads, and find out what’s really going on. Maybe Scorpio is right about all this.
CAPRICORN (DEC 22 – JAN 19)
You may think that others are taking you for granted today. You wish your contributions were recognised and appreciated more often. Ironically, your needy behavior could be the cause of your apparent invisibility as you try harder than ever to be noticed. People might not see you at all as you become more and more literally transparent. Invest in a lot more makeup, or wear Quidditch gear at all times if you want to be visible enough for people to not bump into you. On the bright side, you won’t have to worry about that pimple.
AQUARIUS (JAN 20 – FEB 18)
They say people who need people are the luckiest people in the world, and you’re at the top of that list right now. You want to mingle with all different types and get some fresh experiences under your belt, and luckily for you, the universe has heard your request and is prepared to provide for you in a big way. Get ready to greet an extremely intriguing parade of personalities. A literal parade of personalities! There will be floats, and people tossing candy, and marching bands. Keep an eye out for your favou7rite floats like ‘initially cold and even hostile but actually very caring’ and ‘utterly without morals’. Make sure to bring a light coat.
PISCES (FEB 19 – MAR 20)
It’s too late for you now.
ARIES (MAR 21 – APR 19)
This afternoon it’ll be cold, wet and windy across most of Scotland. We’re under the influence of low pressure, and this weather front pushing northwards is bringing cloud and outbreaks of rain. The rain, of course, will be heaviest over the borders and around Edinburgh, where it could lead to difficult conditions on the roads. There’ll be snow for the higher ground of the Highlands and Aberdeenshire, the potential for a few flurries over Balmoral as the afternoon goes on. The best of the drier and brighter weather will, of course, be over the northern isles and the far north of the mainland. So, a little hazy sunshine for the Castle of Mey in Caithness, but a cold day everywhere, with temperatures of just eight Celsius and a brisk northeasterly wind.
TAURUS (APR 20 – MAY 20)
Tiptoe around anyone who seems to be in a grumpier mood than normal this week. That doesn’t mean you have to silence everything and everyone, of course, but an extra dash of sensitivity should definitely make your day go a whole lot more smoothly. Don’t think that they haven’t noticed, though. Wear extra garlic, and maybe eat some too. In fact, you would be best off to string together a full armor of garlic and wild rose to stave off anyone who seems a bit…..grumpy. I believe it was Ben Franklin who said, “I want to be a vampire. They’re the coolest monsters.”
GEMINI (MAY 21 – JUN 20)
The Moon enters fellow Air sign Aquarius this week, encouraging you to look at the big picture. Your ruling planet Mercury connects with power planet Pluto, revealing important information. Saturn is on holiday, and will be back some time next Tuesday. Jupiter and Mars will be visiting this Sunday to exchange notes with some of the professors. Pay attention, this will be on the test. Venus clashes with the lord of the underworld, Pluto this week as well, because she won’t stop teasing him. “What kind of name is Pluto?”, she jabs, “I wouldn’t even name my dog that.” This won’t have any affect on you, of course, unless you want to get those study notes from Mercury.
CANCER (JUN 21 – JUL 22)
Three words for you: Treat. Yo. Self. Treat yourself this week. What should you treat yourself to? Clothes. Sweets. Naps. Long hot showers. Anything you want. Treat yourself! You’ve got the right to fight when it comes to doing something truly fantastic for yourself. If someone gives you a hard time about treating yourself, remind them (and, most importantly, yourself) that you take care of others all the time, it’s just your turn now. Treat yourself! Only you can create your own happiness, so don’t allow another person to dictate your joy.
LEO (JUL 23 – AUG 22)
You might feel like keeping to yourself which could make you appear or act mysteriously today. Maybe it is your desire to remain centered, cocooned and safe in your own space that is causing you to shut yourself off from the rest of the world. As long as your need for seclusion doesn’t affect or inconvenience others today, you might want to use this time to build your actual cocoon. The beginnings of you wings are already forming underneath your skin and you’re ready to shed your old form. The rest of the week will be a rest in your chrysalis, until you are ready to emerge. However when you do emerge you will have become a beautiful…moth. Moths are pretty too. Enjoy your victory and make sure you plan some new way to celebrate since you will no longer be able to eat or think like you used to.
VIRGO (AUG 23 – SEP 22)
You are motivated to start a conversation about a very sensitive topic today, because you are so positive about your position that you’re willing to take on anyone. Although you might even believe you’re invincible, beware of those who can control the emotions of others. You may find yourself faced with an army of mindless servants controlled by a cackling villain. Luckily, you will be immune to their charm, however this will mean that it will be up to you to save the world. Just remember to avoid wearing a cape, or you might find it tangled in the grip of an angry vine.
LIBRA (SEP 23 – OCT 22)
An owl from a woman, long forgotten, will arrive this week. You and she may have had some differences, but it’s time to leave them to the past. You may go back and forth between truly wishing to reconnect with her and very confused, trying to get your thoughts together and remember just how you know her. Is she even real? She will insist that she is, and even be concerned that you don’t remember her. Remember all those times when you were very young and she read to you? You don’t remember, but you feel like you should. Why can’t you remember?