Last year we had a feature for the best and worst exam answers submitted to us by exasperated professors and somewhat befuddled WEA officials. This year, the confused and the bored strike again with their hilarious responses to questions from this year’s exams.
(These are all replicated verbatim)
How do these five basic principles relate to you in your own life? Explain in your own words.
They are the five elements combined which calls forth captain planet.
You come across Fehu over a vault in Gringotts. What could you expect to find inside?
Translate this into english.
Squiggle, squiggle, line, line, house, line, squiggle.
Referring to the above question, what were Tumuli characteristics?
big hilly things
The above creature was found in a location that most archaeologists had dismissed as not being relevant to human life. This teaches us what lesson?
People suck and there’s always more to learn even in spots that don’t look like there’s anything to offer
Which wicked sibling of the Magnolia tree derives its name from its dark blackish purple blossoms, which bloom only under the shining beams of moonlight?
Which is the most obscure Flesh-eating Tree in the Wizarding world?
Why do so many trees eat flesh? Why can’t we learn about an apple tree?
Name the types of Bulbs.
Larry, Moe and Carey.
Why do we need bees in herbology?
We don’t. They are just a***holes that no one likes.
[editor’s note: censored for decency]
Explain briefly how Photosynthesis works.
Photosynthesis is where a plant takes the sunlight absorbing it and transferring it into an energy source for the plant in a sort of food form along with the water. The excess ‘waste’ that gives off from the plant for which it doesn’t need from this process (Kind of like how when we eat and then go to the bathroom….) it gives off oxygen as it’s waste for which we breathe. So in other words between humans/animals and plants, we use their waste as an oxygen to breathe while it uses our waste as a nutrient to grow. Gross I know.
What type of creature is this?
What is used to soothe it?
In myth this creature has another animal for a tail. What animal is this?
Who are the parents of this creature?
Typhon & Echinacea Echidna
Which of the four winds was not given to Odysseus?
Aset and Thoth together wrote the Book of the Dead and which other book?
The Book of the Heavenly Cow
On which floating island did Aset seek refuge from Set?
In your own words, accurately summarise the myth of Echo.
It is speculated that Echos are in fact tiny, fairy like creatures gods that hide in empty spaces and shout back what you say.
Which kind of goddess breathes the Ka into a baby?
[editor’s note: we are told Khnum is, in fact, a bloke]
Name one area in which Xylomancy might have originated.
Professor Bellingham’s imagination.
How does Gerald R. Geigenheim describe the process of reading fires?
In painstaking detail.
What is Tephramancy?
How does Tephramancy differ to Spodomancy?
- Different types of sticks.
- One is spelled T-e-p-h-r-a and the other is spelled S-p-o-d-o
Defence Against The Dark Arts
What is the proper way to make a good cup O tea? Do be a jolly good chap and be as detailed as possible. Those that speak of herbal tea will be automatically failed.
My mum usually makes mine for me
What is at the centre of the universe?
Briefly explain event horizons
a bit of spacetime that keeps things that happen beyond it from affecting someone watching like if someone looked through a regular telescope they would see Alderaan before it blew up but the event horizon would keep them from warning the planet about the Death Star and the Empire
[professor’s note: admittedly the student DID get 3/5 marks for their answer]
Name your favourite artist and explain what you like about them. Why are they your favourite?
My favourite artist I have to say is Aisling Jones