The Raven Quill seems quite out of touch reading the stars this week, possibly an off planetary alignment has affected the mindset of telling one’s future.
ARIES (Mar 21 – Apr 19)
Dark and dim roads lie ahead. The shadows dance across the trees as you pass them searching for your answers. You will only stay in the dark if you do not search for the flashlight you never knew you had.
TAURUS (Apr 20 – May 20)
Eat cake. Cake fixes all problems. The cake is life. The cake is forever. Cake won’t hurt your feelings.
GEMINI (May 21 – Jun 20)
Some say Gemini’s are quite two faced, I say they are mostly correct in this. Go hide this week til’ you decide which face you want to show. You are making wrong moves at the right times that will cause you problems later. Fix this and wear a paper bag over your face to hide that second one.
CANCER (Jun 21 – Jul 22)
You deserve a new wardrobe even if it is made out of a potato sack for how much effort you have been putting forth lately. If a potato sack is what it takes, you rock that potato sack in burlap.
LEO (Jul 23 – Aug 22)
You feel lately that this is some of the toughest times you have faced so far. Suck it up buttercup, It only gets worse.
VIRGO (Aug 23 – Sep 22)
Eat chocolate, it will help you ease the pain of the heart and mind, and pain of hunger. Seek out the decadence of multitudes of chocolates. Horde these… all of it… horde it all under your bed.
LIBRA (Sep 23 – Oct 22)
You are a ferocious beast emerging from your den. You have been fighting this feeling forever and it has now peaked. Take control Libra! Give into the beast that is inside of you and go full throttle on every task that gave you problems!
SCORPIO (Oct 23 – Nov 21)
You have overcome so much as of late that maybe it’s time for you to take this time and find yourself. Finding yourself will take a bit of time, finding yourself will also take lots of chocolate. Too bad there is a shortage in chocolate in the castle lately. Make friends with a Virgo, they will help you out.
SAGITTARIUS (Nov 22 – Dec 21)
You have been kind and patient in situations that have found you. Wondering what the next step is that you need to take is up to you. Your heart has fallen into the perfect shape. The only way to help yourself in the next steps into finding your answer is in a Magic Eight Ball. I hear the muggle studies classroom has taken up quite a collection of them.
CAPRICORN (Dec 22 – Jan 19)
Ice cold in your heart and mind you have been this last week, and that won’t change this next week. A storm is brewing and it’s waiting for the perfect moment to take hold and freeze you completely. Try and find yourself somewhere warm in your mind, or even friends. They will help you through this before it’s too late.
AQUARIUS (Jan 20 – Feb 18)
Fisheye soup Friday is here. Pick up a bowl and tell your fortune in your soup bowl. If an eye pops up with stringy eyeball things still attached in the back, it means your dinner will go horribly. If an eyeball pops up at all in your potato soup that of a fish, your dinner will go horribly wrong. Just consider your dinner for Potato soup Friday will go horribly wrong. Get it?
PISCES (Feb 19 – Mar 20)
I see flatulence problems in your future. Whether it’s a whoopie cushion, a spell backfiring, or just true flatulence. Take caution and wear a few car fresheners in your pants. Soon your stinky problem will turn into a refreshing laundry room fresh cotton sheet problem.