The Raven Quill is alive and still full of mystery when it comes to the planetary alignment readings for all. A new year, and a new set of advice for you all.
ARIES (Mar 21 – Apr 19)
Aries are normally the kind of people who end up sitting in the corner of the party pulling out a flip picture wallet of all the cats they own. If that’s not the case usually they are the ones who are handing out the Euphoria potions at a party. You crave to find some sort of relevancy to surround you. This week try to take down your excitement a notch and put that picture of Fifi the cat away, of her taking her first steps, and actually use something else to socialise with someone with. Find something deep inside of you that actually is interesting and bulletin board it around the school, possibly hand out a resume of yourself and you may just make a friend or two that way that isn’t a cat. Good Luck.
TAURUS (Apr 20 – May 20)
As Conceited as a Taurus can be, you will find some sort of addiction this week taking every moment to look at yourself in the mirror. Seems to be some sort of bug rolling through that will affect the flesh of Taurus, leaving moles with a single hair crawling it’s way out from it above the lip [Eww!]. Best to keep an extra pair of tweezers handy or invest in a mask just in case.
GEMINI (May 21 – Jun 20)
Gemini’s have an elegant posture to themselves when they are fed properly and possibly groomed. If you are said Gemini carry some extra snacks and a water spray bottle with you for on-the-go grooming and snackage. If you know a Gemini, carry extra crumpets on your person and if one happens to not seem like themselves – since there is always two sides to a Gemini – just toss the sandwich at their face and hope for the best this week. Retreat after doing so, they are also very fast runners.
CANCER (Jun 21 – Jul 22)
Dear Cancer, you have an eye for detail. Such a strong sense of that detail may drive you to find a ridiculous amount of stuff this week, whether you spot a galleon on the ground or the fact the house elves may actually be putting love potions in the food to cause outbursts of declared love. It is your mission to spot the flaws this week! You may discover a few things you didn’t really wish you witnessed as well. If you do, please take your time submitting such information to Owl Posts Rumour has it. [This has been a paid advertisement brought to you by the Owl Post.]
LEO (Jul 23 – Aug 22)
Your patience grows weak, my precious Leo. You have a friend who has been getting on your last nerve already this year. Suggestion wise you should pick up a book, it would be a lot more soothing to you and your friend by doing so, and giving it a good tossing at your friend’s noggin and putting them through a good winter’s nap. You will find your peace and tranquility by doing this, or you can just slip sleeping draught into their pumpkin juice. Whichever is most convenient for you.
VIRGO (Aug 23 – Sep 22)
About half way through your weekend you will hear a strange ticking sound following you around. In fact, it’s almost the sound of a clock. You know who knows quite a bit about the ticking sounds of a clock and how to get rid of them? Professor Digby, ask him how to get rid of a clock sound in your head. He’s good at losing the sounds of a clock. When doing so, pack a bag as he will send you on a trip to help with this. Good luck to you as well Virgo. [Tick Tick Tick!]
LIBRA (Sep 23 – Oct 22)
‘Walking disaster’ might as well be your name through the weekend. With the moon swiftly finding it’s place in the sky it will only get worse for you, dear Libra. You are uncoordinated and the only way you can fix this is taking your steps 1 1 2 1 1 at a time. Step with your right twice and your left once and continue this procedure throughout the weekend to find balance once again. Stairs are not your friend, might as well just give up there. Wearing an oversized pair of sunglasses will help the planet alignment in your favour where you do not need to proceed to follow the step procedure. If you do attempt the stairs, walk up them backwards, you will concentrate a lot more. On the plus side, by Tuesday, that pesky flatulence issue you have been dealing with will clear right up!
SCORPIO (Oct 23 – Nov 21)
Kleptomania is in the stars for you this week Scorpio. You will find a bad habit of sneaking that that piece of food off someone’s plate slipping it into your pocket, taking a friends quill off of their desk, or even outside collecting Diricrawl dung as a new hobby. Put your new habit to good use and collect the answers to all the homework this week out of the professor’s offices and Owl it to The Raven Quill at the Owl Post school office. [Thanks ahead of time dear Scorpio, I don’t care what all the other signs say about you, you are alright to me.]
SAGITTARIUS (Nov 22 – Dec 21)
Your forgetfulness is becoming of you this week. Try giving everyone a nickname that suits them so you remember them. The more unique you get the better you will be at remembering their names. If all else fails, try and find some stickers with “Hello my name is:” and write their name on it and somehow stick it to their back so they can’t see it; this is a flawless solution.
CAPRICORN (Dec 22 – Jan 19)
Give yourself a pat on the back this week, Capricorn, you went a whole week without talking about yourself in the first person when you got back to school and now have a bad habit of speaking in the third person. At least no one has to force themselves to listen to you as they are all now all under some sort of spell to follow the trend you are setting. You go Capricorn Coco, you are a trendsetter!
AQUARIUS (Jan 20 – Feb 18)
The black lake has been calling your name, or it could be the human-like fish harpies that are trying to lure you closer to the edge to pull you under. You have a connection to this water and great curiosity. If you collect some of the old fish heads that go in the vegetable soup each week from Abner in the kitchens, it may just save your life if you toss it into the Black Lake before taking a swim.
PISCES (Feb 19 – Mar 20)
You are a walking talking germ-tastic filled bottle of joy this week. You have been touching your hands on doors that have been sitting there all summer collecting random animal saliva possibly. With the Centaur issue happening in the forest, word in the halls is that they took revenge and started to smear unicorn dung on the doors in rebellion. It’s best you use your herbology gloves at all times this week until the situation is cleared up. Just to be sure which door it could be, take a big whiff of it before opening the door.