Photograph by Sila Warrington
Incident as reported to Michiyo Komaki, 6th year Slytherin Prefect…(The Prefect’s quill is charmed to alter dialect to protect the witness’ identity)
The Prefect met with the mystery witness at the Three Broomsticks during a recent Hogsmeade weekend. Over butterbeers and snacks, they discussed the events on the evening of October 5th.
PREFECT: “First of all, let me thank you in advance for taking the time to tell me about this incident.”
MYSTERY: “Not a problem, hun. I’m just glad it’s over with. Here I thought Charms practice was bad enough but after THAT. I’m changing my mind.”
Laughter was heard from both girls as the prefect ordered lunch for herself and the witness. As they enjoyed their meal, the witness recalled the events of the evening of October 5th.
MYSTERY: “I came into the great hall expecting to spend a few hours just gossiping with my friends…right? Maybe engage in a bit of people-watching–my hobby, you know. No stress, especially after those crazy classes. Charms, as usual, leaves my poor brains about as effective as a flobberworm if ya get my drift. Anywhos, back to that night…seems like only last night really.”
The event actually took place over three weeks ago but the Prefect forgives the digression.
MYSTERY: “It was a Raven girl, Rosier, I think. She was in the midst of the whole thing. You know the one I mean–seems like she’s always surrounded by starry-eyed people of the male persuasion, makin’ absolute dolts ‘o themselves trying to get her to bat those baby blues.”
The Prefect stifled the urge to sigh on the appropriateness of that comment, bites her lip and encourages the witness to keep recalling the incident.
The witness takes a sip of their butterbeer and continued speaking. “You know how much I love people-watching, right? It’s something I just love to do.” At the Prefect’s nod, she resumes her tale. “Looked like she had at least three young gents in low orbit around her–she’s nice but really, can’t she leave any of ’em for us ordinary girls?”
The Prefect had to visibly refrain from reminding the witness that the school isn’t a hunting ground for future mates. Smiling as politely as she can, she motioned the other girl to continue.
MYSTERY: “Sylvain apparently opened mouth and inserted both feet, cause next thing ya know, Rosier’s slapped him so hard his face flew out the nearest window, then hi-tailing it out the GH like the Hag was on ‘er heels.”
The Prefect is a little startled at this. She can’t quite reconcile that image with her cohort in the Pomstick Zombie Army…
MYSTERY: ” Anyway, Miss Rosier decided to unload both barrels into Sylvain about something he said (maybe disrespecting her fabulous bow or something like). One of the other gents, Travis Martin–took mortal offense with that and took it upon himself to inform Sylvain of the error of his ways. In the words of my Auntie, they were about to have a ‘come to Jesus meeting.'” She looks thoughtful for a second then continues speaking. “I’m thinking that Lukka is friends with Sylvain ’cause he wanted to make sure the poor thing was still in working order after Claudia near took the guy’s face off with the slap earlier. Anywhose, whatever Sylvain said lit some kind o fire in Travis, ‘caus he launched over the table like his arse was in flames and set about to summarily re-arrange Sylvains facial structure.”
The Prefect is wide-eyed and somewhat pale at this point, the Witness continued speaking as though she doesn’t notice.
MYSTERY: “There’s a lot more yelling. Findley tries to break the fight up and gets tossed around like a snitch in a hurricane. One of your housemates waded in and wound up eating wall for his troubles, poor thing.” Taking a sip of her butterbeer, she continues speaking, ignoring the somewhat gobsmacked expression on the prefect’s face.
MYSTERY: “Back to the main event: Sylvain responds to Travis commentary by trying his level best to relieve him of an arm via biting it off…lovely image that.. Things really start to go pear-shaped at this juncture because Lukka decides to illustrate the phenomena of spontaneous human combustion and proceeded to manually transfigure Travis’ face into the same kind of stone as the Great Hall’s floor. Next thing ya know, Rosier runs back into the Great Hall and hollers loud enough to be heard clear in Diagon Alley (and my ears are still ringing from that…). “
Both the Prefect and the Witness are looking a bit green about the gills at this point and they gingerly pushed their plates away.
MYSTERY: “Sylvain looked hurt enough to spit blood and he tried to pull Lukka off his human to stone transfig project. Your housemate and C.J. both keep trying to reach Lukka to calm him down but it didn’t work much that I could tell. I think that Sylvain managed to reach him…but I’m not sure really. Somehow, Rosier managed to crawl over the morass and get close enough to try and help Travis. Sylvain and C.J. managed to get Lukka off Travis so the Matron could reach him all the while being serenaded by a ton of French words that would earn me a Scourgified mouth if I repeated them in polite company.”
The Witness giggled somewhat coldly. “I wouldn’t be surprised if Ravenclaw goes into negatives for that..I mean actually beatin’ the snot outta another student like some common muggle rifraff? Whatever happened to formal duals?” She shakes her head and sighs. The Prefect thanked her again for the interview.
PREFECT: “I understand. I was unable to get a better view myself as I was busy minding my younger housemates and keeping them from being squished underfoot. The Matron had arrived around the same time I did and she hustled everyone involved into the Hospital Wing for further care. Thank you again, MYSTERY, for your assistance with this article.”